justa vent
SS 13 has been having problems.. there were issues with his behavior, we took him to a Dr., had an intake with psychologist, an intake with psychatrist and and interview with a partial school. Partial is like out patient treatment, at the partial school they talked to ss13, he said some very very disturbing things.. they said they are not comfy where he was at mentally and suggested we do some inpatient treatment with him. We took him 3 hours away, to the closest place for kids, and after talking wth him they admitted him... he said he wanted the help, he didnt want those thoughts in his head.
Enter BM, since DH HAD to tell her with a few days (thats in the custody agreement), she lost it, said he didnt need to be there, he could live with her and change schools and there is nothing wrong with him.
After explaining to her that we didnt insist he be there, they talked to him, they evaluated him and they said he needed to be there..
So then I get a call from children protective services..turns out SS13 told the place he was at some of the things that went on at his moms..now cps wants to talk to ss13, (I am somewhat confused because this is the same thing I called them about a few months ago, that they blew off) anyways, BM who is suddenly mother of the year has her status on FB "I find my strengh thru my childrens eyes".. when he was at the inpatient for a wk, the only thing that he really talked about was what a crappy mother she is.. when asked if he wanted to talk to his mom he said "she isnt what you think she would be, she isnt like a real mom" the nurse told us that.
We took him down there on the 14th, she was called on the 15th, she texted and wanted his id number so she could talk to him, the staff left it up to him he didnt want to talk to her, she does not know this, but we have not heard from her since. We went down every day, except 1 day there was not visitation.
and yet she tells everyone WE did this to him, he will never forgive us.. her sister says we are going to hell for killing the spirit of a child.. the kid had no spirit, he had no joy in anything, he did nothing.. he was/is a danger to himself and others in the house.. we were told to get door locks or alarms.. because he is a ticking time bomb..
she has ignored or allowed her craiglist boyfriends kids to pick on and pressure ss..
Why is cps taking it more seriously when that place calls them.. I told them the same things..the kids told them the same things.. ugh.. I am frustrated.. and then she thinks and is making it seem like we are awful and destroying him as a person.. how much does she really know him.. most she sees him is 4 days a month and at least 2 of those days they spend somewhere else.. she has gone 9 months without seeing them, sometimes its a few weeks, sometimes its a few months.. she never calls either.
She has a history of putting them in bad situations, she lived with a drug dealer, he went to prison for dealing, she refused to leave her mentally unstable boyfriend and a judge gave her supervised visits for that reason.. and now with the new boyfriends kids tormenting and bullying .. ugh ugh grrrr...
I'm so sorry you guys are
I'm so sorry you guys are going thru that, it has to be so hard! First of, I want to tell you how amazing of a person you and his father are for actually paying attention and listening to the child, first it takes a lot of courage for the boy to go there, and admit that he wants and needs the help, and for you two to support him, that's phenominal! As for the BM that floats in and out of his life, instead of judging you two for stepping up and being adults, maybe she should consider getting help, maybe she has cause some of the damage for this poor child...?
Sounds like my sitch. I even
Sounds like my sitch. I even told the CPS case worker. BM had been turned in several times by neighbors, police, teachers and they never did a thing, if you all would've stepped in 5 years ago then maybe things wouldn't be so bad...she just looked at me. I would've thought they would've got BM some parenting classes or help but they just let it go until BM thought she was untouchable and then they take them and say 'Here Dad you can have them' (even though he was a child abuser and unfit 5 years ago).
I think that Childrens Services are either just too overwhelmed or just don't want to deal with it. If they are too overwhelmed maybe they should start training these women to take care of their kids instead of waitiing until the kids are completely screwed up before doing anything.
I am sure there are some
I am sure there are some bitter second wives calling them, but when they talked to the kids and the kids even said the same thing that should warrent more than a booklet on co-parenting.. if co-parenting were an option I am sure that route would have been taken.. saying co-parenting is assuming BM is reasonable.
She now has "I find my strengh thru my childrens eyes".. as her status and her mother put " yes you do and (SS) will soon know it, cant wait."
seriously.. I hope she takes this to court, I hope she actually gets off her ass and does something.. I would love to be able to go in there and listen to her say how her kid didnt need to be there, how nothing is wrong with him.. and watch a judges face when we have all these professionals saying there is something wrong, he needs meds., and help..
the only thing I do not like is that with children services actually being interested this time around is that they know or will know that SS touched his sister inappropriately, which I was told that it is amazing they let the other kids stay in the house with him there.. and I was told that if they determine that he did indeed touch his sister they could place him or the other kids.. 2 of them are mine! It has to count that we are trying to get him help!!
I just do not know if I want to or can stay around for all this crap..it has been all me so far, a little help here and there from DH.. but thats only cuz he has to sign papers..we talked and agreed that we would deal with things differently with SS, he has been home for 2 days and so far DH has let him do whatever he wants to do.. no checking up on him, no dealing with things differently.. nope.. just sitting back and relaxing.. I just toldhim that if he does not step it up then he can be on his own with his kids!!
ugh sometimes I feel like his mother not his wife.. he needs to grow up and get a freaken clue!!
Thank you.. I am gonna need
Thank you.. I am gonna need it!
I just dont know if I am doing the right thing for my kids.. they are surrounded by this pile of shit stuff 24/7..
Most of the time I have to make them 2nd or even 3rd on the list of priorities.. it sucks! It is a very real possibility that when children services comes and talks to SS, and questions him on the sexual issues, that they take my kids and place them, I am tired and find that I am relying on xanax more to get thru the days..
on the other hand I know that if I leave then SS will not get the help he needs. but then again I feel like if SS pulls one more dumb ass lie on me I will turn around and walk out.
The kid is seriously emotionally disturbed, the place he went to said he was just depressed, they didnt hear me when I said he has always been like this.. I am sure he is depressed, but not treating the underlying issues is like treating a fever and doing nothing about the actual illness. Besides how in the world can he be depressed for over 10 yrs?
We found this article, and it fits SS to a T!
www.raising-a-psychopath.blogspot.com
it starts in 2008, where he is describing his son.. on the scale thing I scored SS with a 35, DH scored him a 32..
DH and I actually sat and cried when we read this, because it was sooo fitting to SS.
I just dont know what to do, after a wk of residental treatment he is no better now than he was, of course right now he is doing good.. but he has no expectation (showering, homework, telling the truth) there are actually more expectations for our 7 yr old daughter than for SS13!
then I look at it and think, ok the other kids are gonna think that if they do this particular behavior they are going to get attention.. or whatever.. ugh ugh ugh.. I just want to run away right now!
And I can not wait to see what BM has in store for us..
I agree.. BM has called on us
I agree.. BM has called on us a few times.. she has willingly slowly signed off her visitation with her kids.. it started out he had them at times and places they agree.. now it is she gets them times and places they agree and he has legal custody..
but still she claims to know them so well.. she knows nothing about them, to sit there and say this kid is fine and nothing is wrong with him when he is failing at life in general is outragous.. but then again she sees him no more than 4 days a month, and of those 4 days they are at her house she is either working or pawns them off on someone else a day and night..
ugh.. I cant even begin to describe this woman (and I use that term loosly).. I want to walk away from this right now!! the entire effing mess.. just leave and never look back!!!
Blah. Sounds like my
Blah. Sounds like my friend's same situation. If her SS wasn't older, I would have thought you were her.
I have a solution for you, though. It will probably solve all your problems, just click here: http://bit.ly/dbjAKY
If not, maybe look into dating women instead.