Just venting
I'm just venting. I'm sure I'll feel differently tomorrow, but right now I really don't like my boyfriend's kid. It's so difficult to try to do nice things like take the kids out to dinner. He's 9 years old and never finishes his food, yet whenever we go to a restaurant he orders an adult meal and the most expensive item. His father (my boyfriend) doesn't say no to this and it's infuriating to me. He never finishes what he orders either, he eats less than a quarter of it. I've had numerous conversations with my boyfriend about this, yet, when we are at the restaurant he gives in to whining and complaining and lets the boy order a meal twice as expensive as everyone elses. And my boyfriend wants to combine finances with me - Right! No effing way. He can't control his kids and their spending, and his ex doesn't pay for anything. His son is 9 freaking years old. He should not have that much control. I'm done taking the kids out to dinner.
My suggestion if his child
My suggestion if his child goes out to eat HE can pay. I don't pay unless it's a super specially occasion when SS goes with us DH pays most of the time anyways.
When combining finances especially since y'all aren't married and I am married and still haven't completely combined finances - have your account, his account and a bill account. You want to be able to have financial freedom and know that just because he is spending money you aren't completely being affected as long as bills are paid.
I appreciate the advice. It
I appreciate the advice. It was my boyfriend who paid for the family meal. I'm upset because my boyfriend doesn't have a whole lot of savings and when he does things like let the kids order meals that are really big and expensive, he continues to make bad financial decisions and is wasteful. We have talked extensively about a life together and he knows that I'm a saver and I've got a decent retirement account. He thinks that he is going to be able to live with me and share my savings when he gets older. I have huge problems with him spending the way he does and think that my savings will take care of him when he didn't take care of himself. We do have a shared household expense account, but that's all and I don't want to combine more than that.
I would make it clear that he
I would make it clear that he wasn't going to live off of your savings. I would tell him that you expect if y'all get married and want to go that route that he needs to invest in his future as well even if it has to be direct deposited separately into a different account or into a 401K or whatever.
My DH doesn't really blow money but I am more of the saver in the relationship so I somewhat understand where you are coming from - but there is a point where even though I don't agree with some purchases I have to focus on the fact that bills are paid...and honestly we still talk about where other money goes but I wouldn't merge anything more than that.
Ysd used to do this. H would
Ysd used to do this. H would take his daughters out for dinner each week, and again during their EOW visits and YSD would also choose expensive restaurants, and order the most expensive dish on the menu. I used to wonder if BM put her up to it...justifying it by saying that H was a smuck and make him pay
I agree it's annoying and parents should not allow their kids that much power. Amazing what guilt and fear of your kids walking out of your life makes you tolerate. As H was paying though I never said a word. I figured if he wanted to be taken advantage of that way then it was his business. His loss :?
Why hate the kid. He didn't
Why hate the kid. He didn't start this at 9. This has been going on for a while. His behaviour is perfectly normal for a kid whose parents can't say no.
Certainly don't combine finances at this stage. You and your partner need to work this out. I can guarantee its going to get much, much worse. You already sound as if your resentful. Imagine when the child is 19 and is fully supported by dad and has his hand out for a car or two.
It's easier to resent this child who is a product of his upbringing. It's easy to blame hs mother, than it is to blame your partner for being to lazy to parent his son, it doesn't matter what the mother does or accepts in her home. Dad should be setting the standards he expects from his son in his home. This is the standard dad is accepting. That's not BMs fault, that's not the child's fault. That's dads fault. The child will suffer the consequences of that. He will grow up to be a spoilt over indulged brat with an over inflated sense of entitlement. You will suffer the consequences of that. And it's all dads fault.