Just the hormones? Or am I just crazy...

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So, let me start off by saying that I am a week away from being 8 months pregnant. I just recently married my husband, who has a 5 year old daughter of his own and shares custody of her with her bio mother. Now, coming into this relationship 3 years ago, my (now husband) had always talked badly about her bio mom because she didn't actively take part in raising her daughter those first 3 years, he was sharing custody with his BM's mother (who he also talked badly about). I'll admit I thought his daughter was cute and I loved her and it felt like if we were to eventually end up married, we'd be a perfect Brady-bunch blended family. I figured if her mother was so awful, then I'd be willing to step in and play supermom to this girl. Well, over time, I learned more and more about her bio mother. The reason she didn't actively have her daughter those first 3 years and had the child's grandmother taking care of her was because she moved away to go to college. She got a degree, which in my eyes is smart! Finish school while the child is so young so you can give them a great future. Yet my husband said "It doesn't matter what she was doing, the fact is that she CHOSE not to be there for her. My daughter needed a mother and hers wasn't there. BM's wants and dreams should have been put on hold from the day my daughter was born!" He continues to make his BM look like this awful person and as of today, she's taking him to court because she is trying to get a bigger portion of shared custody of her daughter. Which I also think is a good thing! (IF SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER DAUGHTER WHY WOULD SHE BE TRYING TO GET HER??) I know his daughter loves her mom because when she's here she always wants to call her mom and visit her mom. When we call her during her visits with her, they are always doing something fun. I know her mother may not "have been there for her since day 1" like he has, but she's actively trying to now, can he really condemn her for that? Personally, as awful as I feel admitting this, ever since I have gotten pregnant, my feelings of wanting to be "supermom" to this girl has gone out the window. I've been so focused on my OWN first child that will be arriving soon that I just don't really feel myself making an effort anymore. She's grown over the past couple of years to become bratty and spoiled...entitled and whiny, all because my husband has felt SO horribly about her bio mom, he gives her whatever she wants and lets her do whatever she wants so "when the time comes, she won't want to live with her mom". I am losing my mind these days because I, especially now, would LOVE if she went to go live with real mom, especially since my resentment is getting to a point where I'm afraid it may show. I DON'T love his daughter like I thought I did. Now that i am having a child of my own, I KNOW what true unconditional love for a child feels like, and what I feel for her isn't it. I feel like I'm lying straight to her face every time she tells me she loves me (her dad got her started on that, we'll see til what age that lasts). I always reply "love you" because now he's made me feel obligated to say it back, and even though i do, it's never genuine. I feel awful because my feelings have done such a 360, but at the same time I can't help to blame my husband for a good portion of my resentment towards her as well. All I ask is to live in a clean, decent looking home. When I was 5, toys stayed in our room, not all over the bathroom, the kitchen counters, the living room floor. We ate NEATLY over a plate, not standing up in front of the television using the floor as a dump. If we wanted our clothes washed, we knew where to put them, and didn't just leave them on the floor in every room and then whine when "our dresses are dirty". My parents didn't use baby talk on us at 5 years old, knowing that it'd just make us go around talking illiterate and whiny and not acting our age. Yet my husband constantly calls her a baby (therefore she continues to talk like one). I always here things like: "here's some milks for my babygirlsh" or "lay down and go night night" or just using stupid pronunciation when saying her name...it infuriates me. She always whines when she calls him, all I hear all day is "Duddyyyy, I'm thirsty", "Duddyyyyy, carry me", or my favorite, every time she sees something she wants it's "Dudddyyyy, will you get me that?" and his reply "anything for my babygirlsh. Anything she wants, daddy gets." I know HE is starting to see my resentment because I treat her differently than I used to (obviously because she's 5 and needs to stop acting like/getting treated like a baby). I even flat out told him that I refuse to baby talk to her, if she wants to speak to me she can use her big girl voice. Every time she starts whining to me, I say "Enough. Speak like a big girl."I am surely vocal about not climbing on my counters and cleaning up her toys. All of this is because when my child comes, I refuse to be doing things that she is perfectly capable of doing at her age. I can't take it anymore, and for my husband to sit me down and say "You BETTER NOT act like mother of the year to our child and not treat her the exact same way once he arrives". Excuse me, but I don't NEED to to be anything to her. Her bio mom may not be the greatest person in his eyes that is HER daughter, I will never be her bio mom and I don't honestly care to act like it anymore. Why should I be expected to give HER child 110% but wanting to make sure my own flesh and blood gets that from me first makes me look like a criminal? And then he keeps justifying his babying her, saying he "Has to treat her this way or that way so she won't want to go live with her moms" AND IF THAT HAPPENS, THEN "I'll be more upset and focused on what I've lost and ignoring our son" I'm just so frustrated, especially because I knew coming into all of this that she was part of the deal but I didn't realize my happiness and apparently his love towards my first child is ALWAYS gonna have to revolve around a child that isn't even mine. I'm just so fed up, I keep crying because I feel bad for ignoring his daughter now but I just get so irritated, anxious and tense around her and I know she's just a kid but...ughhhhh. I'd be so much more at ease if she'd just go live with her own mom. I'm tired of feeling like everyone is expecting too much out of me, when all I want to do is just focus on my own child. He won't have another mother already fighting for him, I WILL BE HIS ONE AND ONLY mom. I actually am angry with my husband now that I'm typing this post, HER bio mom should have responsibility in taking care of her. Him and her both. THEY created her, THEY need to be parenting her. Yes I will care for her and be there for her but asking me to step up and "Treat her like her mother SHOULD have treated her" just feels like he's expecting too much outta me.She knows who her mom is, she's even said to me things like "my mommy..." and guess what, she's never talking about me. I refuse to be someone she clearly knows I'm not. *fuming* Sorry for such a long rant. :?

No one will probably want to

No one will probably want to read this...it's so long...but I NEEDED to get these feelings out somehow. He constantly keeps telling this girl "She's the center of daddy's world, and he's going to fight for her so she'll never have to go live with her mom, and 'Get to live with dadsh foreversh'". Plus, the more stupid comments he keeps making TO ME like "So you're going to expect our 3 year old to be neat and tidy"....1. HIS CHILD IS NOT 3, SHE IS 5. 2. MY CHILD WILL BE RAISED LIKE I WAS AND TAUGHT FROM THE GET GO TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES. I'm seriously going to blow up. If I get told one more time "You need to start showing me that you love and adore her as much as I do, otherwise I don't even know why we signed marriage papers" I'm going to just pack up and leave. I will never love and adore her. Not like my own child, and certainly not the way he does. I did not create her. I did not come into her life until she was 2. Also, I thought we got married because we loved EACH OTHER. AS INDIVIDUALS. I did not stand at that alter and say "I DO" to a child, I said it to the man that stole my heart. But apparently "our children are going to drive a wedge right through this marriage if I don't change my attitude" Sorry I always considered my marriage to be separate from my parenting. A marriage is strong, and children should not be a factor in why a marriage fails. I'm just so upset and irritated right now...

And did I forget to add she

And did I forget to add she still sleeps in our bed? He won't go buy a kids bed for her yet because "I want my baby girlsh's cuddos" :sick: ....I would like to add that I have been sleeping on the couch. Because there is no space and it's been too damn hot for all 3 of us in OUR bed. In OUR room. I seriously keep trying to get her a damn bed of her own because once my baby is here I want to be co sleeping with him. HE will need it, and it will be nice because I'm breastfeeding. So she is going to have to learn how to sleep in her own room in her own bed, and I'd rather be getting her used to that BEFORE he gets here. And you better believe once he's off the boob and that crucial bonding period for a newborn is over, into his own room he goes as well. I don't believe in this bed sharing business, especially with a 5 year old. This is the only place we get quality time as a couple, I refuse to let children over run that too.

HAHA I'll tell you this, it

HAHA I'll tell you this, it sure didn't happen in this house. That'd be impossible. And yeah, I wanted him to draw the line and go get her room set up immediately because this is so ridiculous....yet here we are with 8 1/2 weeks left to teach her to sleep in her own room....and no bed in there. And once baby is here I refuse to let her come sneaking in here at night because she can't sleep. She already comes out in the living room when we sneak out there to try to have some tv time when she's SUPPOSED to be in bed, whining like usual "Duddyyyy, I can't sleep. Can someone come with me?" And then of course that's the end of couple-time and off to the damn couch I go. And omfg....idk how you put up with it at THAT age. She's going home to her mom's for a week tonight (thank god), but as awful as it sounds I hope come their court date she gets bigger custody. It's just too stressful to have her here. Especially when hubby leaves me alone with her allllll day for work, comes home and then leaves me with her again some days to go play basketball, visit people, run to town, etc, etc, I feel like a freaking babysitter.

Tbh you have got more

Tbh you have got more problems than only teaching sd5 to sleep in her own bed! Imo your problems are only just beginning.
Your dh is not only having inappropriate pasing conversations with sd5 regarding custody, not living with her bm, he is placing her before you and your baby. Really, really unhealthy for everyone, including sd. I will say, it seems to me like he is being emotionally damaging, controlling and abusive to you all. Telling sd he will give her anything he wants to ensure she doesnt want to go with bm, is disgusting. That is her mother, regardless of his feelings for her, he needs to keep his opinions to himself and not involve a child in adult matters! In turn, he treats you like crap. Insinuating divorce if you dont meet his criteria, threatening you over your behaviour with your own child and sd, you are heavily pregnant and you sleep on the sofa?!

Why do you put up with this?

Exactly, it makes me so angry

Exactly, it makes me so angry because in my own heart, I think her mom is on the right track. I think he's stuck in the mindset of who she was when they first fell pregnant, and ever since then he's had a sour attitude towards BM. I hate when he tells his daughter "Your mommy is mean, she wants to take you from dad". Like wth, don't tell your child her mom is mean when she just wants to be able to make up for the time she's LOST trying to better herself for her child's future! Her mom has a nice apartment and a steady job, all he does is make her out to be some evil, terrible parent and frankly I'm not buying it. "She just wants to use my daughter for money" he says....how can that be true when he's never even let her live with her mom for an extended period of time?? And he's never around them, how can he judge what type of relationship they have?? It just angers me, but of course I stay silent because I feel less stressed out if I just disengage from her, her bio mom and him. At this point I'm just focusing on the well being of my son coming, because apparently if she has to go live to her mom, my husband sounds like he just won't be interested in me or my baby boy. Because she's "The center of daddy's world". And according to my family, I shouldn't expect for her not to be. :O

I honestly think it's more a

I honestly think it's more a pride thing. Because he "raised her by himself for 3 years" (Even though technically he shared her with BM's parents), he doesn't think her mom deserves to have any part of her life since "She had her chance, she made her choice when she wasn't there from the beginning". It makes me angry because that's selfish of him to want to keep her away from her bio mom, and then expect me to be her new one. No. I don't want to. My child is going to come first in my life and be treated as the center of my world since APPARENTLY every time we get into a heated discussion about who his daughter may end up with, either way it already seems like me and my baby boy are going to be written off.

Your H sounds very immature.

Your H sounds very immature. The kind of conversation he shares with his daughter is inappropriate

I know...but he figures since

I know...but he figures since we're a couple, I'm automatically on his side when it comes to everything. I've tried to voice my own opinion, he just gets mad, then ignores me. I think I've just grown a "what's the point attitude", resulting in nothing but stress, resentment, and honestly a little bit of depression. I don't want anything to do with life between him, his daughter and BM, but I said "I do", so guess I'm in it for the long haul. Getting involved gets people angry with me, disengaging gets them mad too. Excuse me while I just sleep the next 8 1/2 weeks away.

I also dislike how he went

I also dislike how he went from just having her call me Nikki to having her address me as "Mumma Nikki" all of a sudden?? Am I the only one that thinks he shouldn't be putting this on me?? And then he thinks every damn thing that child does is oh so cute, so he's always saying "Aww look at our girl". It just makes me so mad. She is not OUR girl. She is HIS. I did not create that child. When she was staying with her bio mom and her bio mom's boyfriend for a short period of time, I guess they address each other as "mommy bear, daddy bear and baby bear". Ever since my husband has found this out, now he has this stupid shit in our house, saying "I'm daddy boo, Mumma Nikki is mommy boo, and you're our baby boo." ......................I have never cringed harder at such stupidity in my entire life. I'm ready to run. Actually, better yet, just kill me now.

Sigh. And to think I was just

Sigh. And to think I was just blinded by all the issues before we fell pregnant and married and moved in together. I just knew I loved him, so I just didn't even notice all of the issues that were going to come along with this..before she wasn't here 24/7, she was either with her grandma or her mom every other week. But now that he's trying to turn her visits into a complete move...idk how I feel anymore. Definitely not a Brady bunch episode here. But guess that's my fault for having expectations.

Yeah, I feel like he only

Yeah, I feel like he only wanted me as a nanny/stand in mommy to SD. Especially since I really pulled a trigger when I told him one night that I am not and never will be her bio mom as much as he wants me to be. I got the "Well if you're not going to play the part to her and only our son, then why are we married? If I wanted to stay a single parent would I have gotten married??" I wasn't even quite sure how to respond to that. He gets me so overwhelmed and with my hormones being on full blast due to this heat AND pregnancy and added stress, I just find myself getting speechless and depressed every argument. He'll never understand, and I don't even know how to put the words together to say how I feel anymore.

ahahaha so true about the leg

ahahaha so true about the leg thing, if I could still kick that high I wouldn't miss but yes, that's the worry I have every day. That my son will always be put second, therefore, my mentality is making me resent even attempting to put an effort in with his daughter. Because if she's always going to be "the center of daddy's world", then my son at least deserves to be the center of mine.