Wow, I am not certain anybody is leaving anybody behind in this situation, it could be a trade off....Like Stepaside so nicely stated, this vacay could be during the academic year and could be a trade off with the mother for another time with Dad.

Regardless, the OP wants to go on vacation from this exclusionary situation she must tolerate on a fairly regular basis, and everybody matters, just as the OP matters too.

However, if she has no kids of her own, I would recommend OP pay careful attention to these red flags now-- before making a serious commitment in this dynamic; it only gets worse in time with this kind of man who is unable to stop it and set boundaries. There are men without this mess out there...

How long was it just your BF and his son? Was it a few memorable years where it was 'just the guys'? And along comes this woman who takes all his minimal time away from his Dad. Yeah, I would be pissed off as well.

Boys at that age are very attached to other male role models. Luckily it is the boys father rather than some guy with video gear who lives in his mothers basement. And in his eyes you get time with his Dad all week. This has been and should still be his time with his Dad.

That being said your BF is the one who should be managing this situation. He should be spending time alone with his son. He should be teaching him good manners. He should be making him feel more secure. If he is clueless to these signals he isn't that great a catch.

When I first met my now-husband his sons would walk through the door into a store ahead of me and not hold the door open. I asked my ex military husband if this is OK in his book. He looked as though he had no idea what I was talking about. I carefully worded my answer though, "Do you think it is OK for a 12 yr old to push through the door ahead of an adult and not hold the door open? What would your mother say about that?" His mother is not backward about speaking her mind. He got the clue and amended his sons behavior. Most of my comments about things needing corrections were now ... WWYMD? What Would Your Mum Do?

As for the 6 weeks holiday. How will he keep in touch with his son during this time? Is the boys mother aware of this because she is the one left with an upset 9 yr old missing his Dad while his Dads girlfriend gets to spend 6 weeks with his Dad.

See, this all comes back to how Mr Wonderful deals with his son. He is the only person who can allow his son to make you into the bad guy, Right now he isn't so 'wonderful' if he cannot discipline his son to behave and give him the attention he should get based on the time he spends with him. If he sees his son for 2 days every 2 weeks that is a lot of Dad-Time to get in. And as you are presumably there 24/7 you should consider giving them some space.

Oh and Kia Ora. This Kiwi Chick has lived in the States for 13 yrs.

A lot of posters who have been replying are based in North America, where vacation is usually a week or two or maybe three. Six weeks sounds like a lot. I'm in NL, and over here five weeks is the minimum vacation people get, so most people travel for 3-8 weeks at a time, depending. I don't think a child-free vacation is so weird when the child is 9 and is being cared for. Six weeks is a really long time though from the perspective of a kid.

The rest of it is all the behaviour of a kid who is insecure. Your partner is failing to step up and give his kid the structure and reassurance he needs. I don't see that changing because your partner also seems to enjoy the attention and feeling as though you and his son 'fight' over getting to be near him. Your partner's putting you on the same level as his child, and I'm guessing you sense that, resent the hell out of that, but it's tough to put your finger on what's going on in the moment.

Good luck sorting yourself out of this mess, and on to something more rewarding.

Considering his age...sounds more like insecurity, than jealousy. Dh needs affirm his son's role in the family, and help him sort out the difference between his love for you and his love for his son. If the child is secure in his role...then he won't be so threatened by his father's love for you. Bf also needs to be know that, while being sensitive to his child's insecurity, he must not send the message that he loves either of you more than the other. The emphasis should be...there is no comparison. The relationship with you is a different kind of love between a man and a woman. His love for his child exists at a different level.

There is no comparison...it is different. The child's seat is not at risk because dad found a girlfriend. While girlfriends may come and go, the child will always be his child. It is a fine line that many Bf's get messed up...the child is 9....Peace.

First off I would work on getting kiddo some playmates in your neighborhood. The child is too adult-focused if he wants to know what grownups are talking about all the time. Normally kids are bored stiff by adult chat unless it is specifically of interest like Disneyland is mentioned or ice cream.

So find another little boy or two nearby and line up fun activities for them to get to know each other and then transition them to just playing at your house together on a weekend afternoon. Dad can still be with child but doing PARENTING--which is making sure the child develops emotional and social skills and so forth. So dad can observe the playing and see how the boy interacts and shore up any deficits he may have with sharing or conflict resolution, etc.

Weekends with Dad should not be about non-stop kid entertainment and up in Dad's grill 24 hours a day. That is the definition of Disney Dad. His weekends should be about both bonding and NORMAL parenting.

As for 6 weeks - kids all over the US routinely spend 6 weeks at summer camp without mom OR dad. I did summer camp myself as a kid and also spent several entire summers alone with my grandparents. Those are happy memories. Childhood should be one long march to independence. It should not be about developing a neurosis if a parent is not completely focused on you 100% of the time.

I think it's great that you two are planning a vacation. Somehow the consensus is that in a blended family you shouldn't be able to take vacation time as a couple, I disagree. So good for you two!

I have a SS age 6 and he is super clingy when it comes to his dad. He has been better as he's becoming more bonded to my BS age 4, but he still has his moments. One thing that I find important is encourage your partner to plan time alone with his son. It could be as simple as going to the park to play some ball, or maybe a movie date. This allows his son to feel that he is still important and special in his dad's life.
This could be nice for you as well to be able to get some time away.

I think the best way to present it is both sit down with him and say we see some changes. Tell him that by no means are you trying to take his dad away from him and they he is special to you both. And that you hope by planning some one on one time that he will feel valued and special.

We don't always know what is going on in the other household and is sounds like he is craving attention in fear of losing his dad. Maybe there is some issues at his BM's home. Open up the doors of communication and ask how he's feeling as well.

Hope this helps

Hi, I did not read every single post but I my SO has a son who is 8 and I did experience this as well at one point. Still do to some extent now my situation the BM is not in the picture. In the beginning SS8 would want to sit in the middle of us all the time and want to know what we were doing when we were in my SO's room just talking or resting for a minute door was wide open so not hanky panky was happening. When we would hug he would want to be in the middle and wanted to be included in everything.

Now in my situation it become evidently clear it was not jealousy but a little boy really excited to have like two parent figures. He clings to me now too really bad sometimes but I get it he has never known what it is like to have a mom or see daddy with someone who hugs him and kisses him. My SO also traveled and went out of town a lot and his parents watched his son while he was gone. His son is extra clingy when he get back or when he is about to leave.

My SO really had a hand in helping the situation get better. When we would watch a movie the three of us his son always wanted to sit in the middle part of it is kids do this, SO at times my SO would say I want to sit next to Ashmar you can sit on the other side of me. When his son would get in the middle of us when we would hug or kiss he would tell him to stop. When we were in a room talking he would tell his son o.k. time to get out we have to adult grown up conversation. He still pays plenty of attention to his son and makes his son fell so important we both do but I got lucky in the fact that at this point in my relationship my SO makes our relationship a priority.

I would talk to your SO and tell him how you feel and what you are seeing and observing and see what his says. If his son continues this behavior and every time he interrupt and your SO focuses on him and makes him the priority all the time the kid will pick up on this and may eventually drive a wedge between the two of you. Your SO needs to talk to his son and help him to understand what is for grownups and grownup time. Hope that helps.

6 weeks is a long time to be away from mom or dad. I would have the hardest time leaving my child for that long. That is a long time for any child no matter the age. That is longer than a month. That is just my opinion though. I believe that is too long to be away from your child.

I am laughing at the folks who think leaving a child for 6 weeks is tantamount to child abuse.

My mother was one of 8 sisters. And they were a group that not only lived thru the depression but were also young married parents during WWII. It was not unusual for a wife to leave her young children with another sister for even a month or two or three to see her husband. All of these "abandoned" children turned out to be totally normal well adjusted people.

Back when the British regularly left child care to nannies and boarding schools they raised some of the finest young people ever. Go read some of the books about how the British rose to unbelievable heights during WWII. I truly admire their efforts to save their nation.

But as that was 70 years ago I know people think that was meaningless.