It's not about BM it's about HER DAD
We have to go see one of DH's friends near LA because his boys are being baptized and his friend has been on us for a while to go down there, mind you neither one of us want to go he lives in no where and just not much appeal to go. Well the USS Orleck is down there as well which is a boat BM's dad served on...and DH says he has to take SS because if he doesn't no one ever will as BMs dad I guess was long passed even when they got married but DH heard enough about him, and BM is terrified of bridges - and there is a big bridge in Lake Charles.
I know that sounds retarded but I have heard a story where her mom went down to Galveston to have some heart procedure done and BM made her mom drive over the bridge because she was scared.
DH asked me how I felt about going to the USS Orleck to which I responded "I am not overly excited like you or SS but I guess I understand" He then continued to talk about BM's dad and the boat I got more silent and just kind of slumped down, we have enough BM drama right now including her "losing" our school pictures of SS because his teacher left to have surgery and no one alerted the new teacher that things had to be separated between the households I think if you can still wear your ex-husbands pants from over 2 years ago you aren't going to lose pictures of you son...anyways that is a whole other issue.
But as DH was getting ready to run to town he said "I'm not trying to be mean but if you don't want to go this weekend you don't have too, I really wish you would but I don't want you uncomfortable" I don't know how to respond part of me doesn't want to go but DH's friends wife wants me there and it would look so childish on part when the ship is just a extra he wanted to do for SS.
How would you respond/react if you DH wanted to do something in memory of someone in BMs family?
I think that if you don't go
I think that if you don't go it would look childish. If DH wants to do this for his son, it is the sons maternal grandfather's history he is trying to pass on to the son, I say take a good book to read and let them do this... it's only once right?
Agreed.
Agreed.
I am going to go, I'm not
I am going to go, I'm not saying I won't go or I don't want too...I love history I just I feel a little jab because it's like not only do we have to deal with BM but we have to do stuff to remember her side of the family because she won't do it. It just irritates me that BM is that lazy and just ugh.
I wanted to see how other people would feel and react - not saying I won't go.
I understand how you feel,
I understand how you feel, but I agree with the other posters. I think at this point you'll just look petty and juvenile if you back out. If it were me, I wouldn't have agreed in the first place at all. I wouldn't have put an argument to them going, but I wouldn't have agreed to tagging along.
As posted above in no way to
As posted above in no way to do I plan to back out. I love history I just get irritated we have to not only pass on legacies of Dh's family but also BMs because she is lazy.
The original plan was to go his buddies for the baptism and all that which I don't care I mean we all get along and got engaged around the same time - no issues. It was after had decided to go that the ship got brought up and DH decided they were going so it's not like I said yes lets go to the ship and now I'm getting upset we already had the trip to his buddies which is like a hour away from the trip planned.
I think it's nice that your
I think it's nice that your DH is doing this for SS. It takes a bigger person to embrace the ex's family history for the sake of SS.
I think you're completely justified in how you feel .. I would feel the exact same way.
I suppose I'm lucky in that my DH would never do something like this .. mostly because BM doesn't have anyone in her family to be proud of. She doesn't know who her father is (her mother has narrowed it down to 2 possible men) and her mother has lived off of welfare and public assistance her entire life.
He is a good dad...and I mean
He is a good dad...and I mean he just wants SS to know who his grandfather was, like I said BM is lazy and wouldn't take him. I guess even though BMs dad was a veteran when BM first took DH to his grave it was cinder block with his name painted on it and DH took it upon himself to go through all the research and get BMs dad a proper headstone. And honestly it sounds like BMs dad is the only one worth anything SS does have a cousin who is up and comping in Texas Country music but I mean still I'm glad DH is the bigger person I just hate having to do something with her family in mind.
I have no choice but to go
I have no choice but to go its not time for myself...like I said I like history just hate it being connected to the scum mother. BMs dad honestly is the only successful one and her mom I guess has always been trash and as posted above they didn't even give the man a proper headstone so I am happy that SS gets to see it I just I dunno I don't want my day off to be a reminder of BM.
I think it is nice of
I think it is nice of him...You should just go along.
I am going to go along. I
I am going to go along. I agree it is nice but I highly doubt anyone else would be about as thrilled as I am to here about there spouses exs family.
BM's father (very recently
BM's father (very recently deceased) was a very, very prominent doctor, director of the local hospital, etc. He was also a disgusting drunk philanderer who left his widow almost broke because of his excessive spending on "wine, women, and song".
I would do nothing to honor him because no matter what his "civic achievements" were he was nothing more than a drunkard whoremonger.
Understandable. From what
Understandable. From what I've heard her dad was a good man, and the only decent achieving one in the family
That is his son's
That is his son's grandfather. I think you need to suck it up.
I'm not sure where I said I
I'm not sure where I said I wasn't going to but I think I have the right to at least be a tad bothered. I am glad that my DH is a bigger person but I don't think you would want to spend a day learning about your spouses Ex's family....
SS told BM today about DH
SS told BM today about DH saying he would take him...apparently she is pissed that DH would cross into her family tree.
Yep...but I guess she got
Yep...but I guess she got pissy while talking to SS and then told DH it wasn't his place that was her dad and all this stuff. It just kind of makes me feel a little better that she got mad but still doesn't completely make it go away.
She finds a issue with
She finds a issue with everything...it is ridiculous the things she will find issues with from this, to one time the brand of pants SS was wearing because it made her look bad if he was going to school in Cinch from our house and she couldn't afford it.
I really hate that we have to pick up the slack and DH and I actually had a talk about that last night. I do however know it is what is best for SS, I had an amazing stepdad who would do anything that was best for me putting his feeling aside to a certain extent, and just was a awesome stepdad and I am trying to follow his lead.
She isn't mad necessarily
She isn't mad necessarily that DH is doing it as much as she is mad that Dh is doing it instead of her.
I think its that she know yes
I think its that she know yes SS will know that daddy who didn't have to took him, but also I think it's the fact she never got to see and it seems as though she harbors on stuff she didn't have/get to do if SS gets something - it has happened before over petty shit. I mean she goes in out of caring what people think it feels like one day she will care, the next she is just complete trash which is mostly the case.
It's over! I am so happy the
It's over! I am so happy the ship was cool as they are still in the restoration process but that meant that DH and SS got to touch EVERYTHING. My chest was tight most of the time hearing SS talk about BM and her dad - but it's over. The worst was probably after hearing BM talk to SS on the phone to tell him goodnight talking about her dad and crying, mind you she starting crying very noticeably and SS didn't know what to do and got off the phone.
DH says he wants to take SS back when it is fully restored which I understand as again she will never take him to the ship. DH has agreed that maybe that should be a boys trip next time but showed great appreciation and understanding that I didn't ask as many questions or get as into as I normally would. I mean it's sad that BM won't even give her dad a good memory and try to show her kids that he was a veteran, but as posted above by someone I feel like it makes me love my DH that he can put his hate aside for SS to show him what a veteran in his family went through.
Just so happy it is over