Step Stress this year is that DH has SK for Christmas Eve. He will want to go to his parents, and after last Christmas, I will not be attending. So, although by choice, I will more than likely be spending Christmas Eve by my lonesome. But it is better than spending it with a bunch of people who add to SK's spoiledness and brattiness

The solution to the gift problem is to either buy clothes or use an 'outing' as a gift.

Kid has a favourite band/sports team? Get them tickets to go see it with dad. Or a trip to the theme park.

That way they don't go to waste and they remain happy about it.

My DH and BM have always been really good around the holidays. Rotating xmas eve/xmas night. Last year she was at BM's xmas eve and we went to my parents' for dinner with her.

This year (I think) she'll be at BM's xmas eve again and we're going to our rugby club run by DH's cousin for a large hog roast with his family and extended family followed by an afternoon of wii on the giant projector. Because of this he requested DSD come to dinner again this year. BM seems cool with that. Besides Christmas has seemed to get slightly more boring as we get older so whatever DSD does and who with doesn't matter so much any more because she gets excited no matter what and wherever the fun is she can go.

New years is the odd one though. DSD usually ends up with her auntie because BM likes a drink that night, as does DH.
DH and I rarely drink unless there's an event on so that's fair enough. Last year BM had her. I don't know whether or not she's going out this year but she'll probably be at her auntie's again. She loves it there in any case.

BM will demand we take her BD as well as SS for Christmas. Which means we won't get SS because I don't trust her enough to not call the cops and say we kidnaped her daughter, and SO will be mopey and pathetic, ruining the holiday because he misses his son but refuses to get a visitation schedule set up through the courts. I refuse to go to prison on a federal offense because she got knocked up by two different guys. So, sorry SO, you were lazy. It's not my fault you don't get your kid again this year.

Last year was our bad year. XW bought EVERYTHING that we bought the kids (Even though we sat down and talked about what we were getting the kids so we would avoid that). Right down to the stuffers. She had Christmas morning with them, so when we got the kids they had already opened the gifts from "her Santa" So they opened each of ours and followed it up with "oh... we got this at mom's"... well this year is ours }:) and i have tried to purchase everything they have asked for so that she can get the "oh... we already got this at dads." That's my cup of Christmas Cheer!
*All the unopened gifts of last year are going to a children's hospital this year. At least i know someone will love and play with them.

This year we have skids on Christmas Eve (we alternate between Christmas and Christmas Eve every year). This really blows because Christmas Eve is my birthday. If I could have a birthday wish come true, I would go back in time and give DH a condom.

After many stressful Christmas' we have come to the conclusion that as much as it breaks our hearts, we will not try to get SD for Christmas anymore. DH and Psycho mom are supposed to split the holiday. However, Phsycho can never commit to anything and constantly changes plans at the last minute. This makes it very hard for our BD. For the past two years, we have had SD all of one hour on Christmas day. We will make our plans around what Psycho dictates and then she has the nerve to get mad at us when she makes last minute changes (like we have just sat down to dinner and she will call to say to meet her in 15 minutes she has someplace else to be. WTF?)
Why not follow the CO you ask? Well, the CO shows 50/50 as agreed upon by both parties. Translation, DH has SD ONLY when convenient for Psycho. Many trips to mediation and thousands of dollars down the drain to get absolutely nowhere.

Also, we've had the trouble on both Christmas and SD birthday where we will buy her EXACTLY what she wants only to have her never use it or exchange it. Whatever.

And my most favorite, my MIL sulking once again that we don't make the trip out to see them for the holidays. Hello??? We have jobs and can't be away that long. You are retired, did you forget how to drive?

Having to dive for hours to pick up or drop off sd because bm will not do any of the driving and dh is a pussy. Seeing dh spend so much money on gifts for sd that she doesn't give a shit about anyway because dh feels like the worlds worst dad if he doesn't. Having to see the in-laws and listen to them ask sd how mommy is going, and what is mommy doing, and what did mommy get you. Watching in-laws treat sd like a baby, carrying her around like shes 2 with her feet dragging on the ground (shes 9). SD loves acting like a baby too so we have to deal with that for the rest of the day. Seeing her being ungrateful when she opens her many many presents from ILs and not even saying thank-you and DH doesn't ask her to. Oh but she's 'just a kid' so I shouldn't be mean and expect she shows gratitude.

Being a SM has made me dread christmas. I hate it.

BM3 has a son that lives out of state. She has him for 3 weeks at Christmas. She feels that since she has him, she should have SD5 for the three weeks as well, although we have week on/week off scheduling. I would be all for it, if we could have her for 3 weeks with no disruptions or transitions. But she doesn't see the sense in that since we live near each other. She feels like she should be able to see her whenever she likes. And as a mom, she should. I agree. It's just that its pretty disruptive to whatever I have going on with my family.

BM3 and I get along well, but she wants to be regarded as still part of our family when it suits her, and then treats me like a stranger otherwise. I just don't like it.

Oh! Oh! I WIN! I WIN!!!!!!!!! My every-holiday-stress is that DH gets up pissed off. I can't blame him after 12 years of holidays with a wretch who was looking for a fight a week ahead of time so she could throw herself a pity party in front of all of his family. Since leaving her, she makes sure to text or call him to start some bullsheesh every holiday or anytime she gets word of us doing something fun. However, the bitch isn't here so don't carry her along!!!! Shut the damn phone off. I used to be THE holiday person. Everybody could always count on me to have the most decorated house, the most festive attire, be the happiest person around. I always had huge family and friends gatherings. I was basically a holiday cheerleader on steroids. His prior 12 years before me made him absolutely hate holidays and I am beginning to hate them as well due to his piss-poor attitude on them.

I always buy the skids b'day and xmas presents, but only because DH is useless and wouldn't get anything and I would hate for them to take it out on him - he writes the cards always - I never do and never will. Only ever gift cards and even then I hate wasting the money because SD19yo has never ever thanked us for them unless she is here (lives in another state with BM) and SS15yo is a useless money grubbing POS so doesn't appreciate anything done for him.

We always spent Xmas and Thanksgiving with my husband's family, a tradition that I came to loathe and I suspect that my step MIL and my SIL also did. There are no women in my husband's family except a sister who lives far away. These dreadful occasions revolved around over-eating and competitive gift-giving. My BIL always gave really expensive gifts to his father (or really big ones), and I felt that ours were overlooked and despised. Like the pictures of my children I sent, I never saw them around after they were opened. At least, I was never re-gifted with them, however. The one time my SIL came she was given a nice address book that she herself had given step MIL the year before. Oh, I lied. There were gifts that I saw again, twice I was told, "I really like this, I can't remember who got it for me," and I spotted one at their garage sale. Passive aggressive to the max. But she never really liked having us come around in the winter as we would have to eat inside the house -- once we had Thanksgiving as a picnic.

I would say that once these annual traditions were set up, changing them is almost impossible. So watch out, folks. Get the lay of the land early in the marriage and establish a tradition where at least one annual holiday can be avoided if that's what it turns out you'd like. After 30 years of marriage, I suspect that it's too late for me to avoid being guest at one and host at the other. Worse yet, the only change likely is me being the host at one and my adult daughter the host at the other. Any ideas? Or is it too late? I just realized I should warn my daughter.