Is it an only child and daughter thing?
This site has helped me so much as I learn the issues my fiance and I have had and the hurt I've felt is not uncommon. I guess we're lucky in that the BM is not vindictive, our children get along, and we genuinely like one another's children.
That said, I find myself often rethinking our engagement. My fiance seems obsessed with his daughter. Everything is about her and her needs. It doesn't help that she's an only child or that she's "daddy's little girl". He has 50/50 custody of her and in the weeks he doesn't have her, he wants time alone with me (without my children). In the weeks he has his daughter, we spend time with my two children and his daughter, but somehow, we don't end up eating meals together, always of his circumstance. I don't know what the deal is. Does he want to be alone with his daughter? Does he not want to have to figure out who pays? It hurts my feelings terribly and since my ex doesn't see our children very often - maybe once or twice a year - I often find myself comparing the life of my children and his daughter (I know I shouldn't, but I do). While his lovely only daughter has two parents who completely dote on her and focus on her every need, attending every tiny event in her life together (plus my fiance and his ex both get every other week off to rest and rejuvenate), my children get the short end of the stick (I run around like crazy, trying to give them what they need and get them to soccer and ballet, but I'm exhausted and never get a break). My fiance talks as though he's such a great gift to my children, but really he's not. He's kind to my children and takes time to talk to them, but he brags about how he does things with my son. He's taken him golfing once in three years and hasn't done anything with my daughter.
I know some of this is my problem. It's not my fiance's fault that my ex isn't around. It's not his responsibility. But...it's just so difficult watching my fiance focus all of his attention on his little girl. I just don't think I want to live this kind of life, where I'm feeling sad and left out most of the time.
Any thoughts?
Thank you for sharing your
Thank you for sharing your experience. I always ensure my children feel loved by their father and never talk negatively about him to them. Their self-worth is very wrapped up in love from their parents. I'm not happy that my ex isn't involved in their lives, but that's our reality and I accept it.
Right now, my main concern is whether I can live with someone who is so wrapped up in his daughter that it's difficult to imagine he would have any energy left for my children. When he has his daughter, we typically spend two nights a week together - whether at his or my house. We've traveled together four times. What is sad for me is that it feels like we're two separate families who happen to be together. When we travel, he's so excited to note his daughter's (6 years old) reaction to everything, I feel forgotten about! He's off snuggling with her on the couch or taking pictures of her. On one of our vacations, I'd been taking pictures of all three children together all day. Later in the day, I was taking some more pictures of the kids and he walked over and asked my children to step aside so he could get a picture of his daughter. That drove a knife right into my heart. He did it again on Christmas. I was taking multiple pictures of the kids. This time, he started taking pictures of his daughter and I asked him why he didn't take any pictures of the kids together. He got angry and said he had so I asked him to show me. He had NONE. He said, "Oh, I thought I had pictures of them all." No, that was ME taking pictures of them all. Honestly, he's a kind and thoughtful man, so I don't know he realizes he does these things, but they really hurt.
SC