including skids in wedding
Help we are getting married in january and my fiance has three kids to two different mothers. aged ss12 to one BM who will let him attend and be a part of the celebation and SD 5 and ss3 who BM wont let them attend beacause they are not interested. Which is not true as they were all excited and there BF had a discussion with them before he proposed to me and there were all happy and excited.
But BM of the two younger ones wouldn't let them attend our engagement party when it was our weekend to have them when it was a day time BBQ with close friends and family. she than held back access for six weeks and sd5 was sad mopy whingy and wouldn't listen to me when we had her and asked if we still loved her she also had nightmares and couldn't sleep properly.
Now how do we go about our arrangements I want them to be a part of our day or at least be aloud to come as I believe it will effect there relationship with me and how they view the feeling of belonging in our family. Also I know my fiance will feel like something is missing on our wedding day if they are not aloud to attend which at this time they are not.
Also I believe it will cause Jelousy with the eldest being able to attend and be apart of the affairs. I know that the younger one probably dosn't fully understand what it means but will it effect him later when he questions why he wasn't there. How did other people handle this before and after the event if they were or were not aloud to attend.
BM in question is in another relationship and living with him and has been in her relationship for as long as or longer than us. BM and BF also have been seperated for 3.5 years ( as ss3 was an accident and BF has been paying cs since SD was 18 months they were in an off on relationship obviously as BF relly didn;t want to be a distanced dad to another child than another but she would not accept SS12 and made his life difficult and caused problems in there relationship) So I don't get what her problem is how do we tackle it?
plan the wedding around your
plan the wedding around your parent time...don't tell her when it is. We had to do this very thing when we got married. If all she is going to do is cause problems then it is NONE OF HER BUSINESS....it has taken me 2 years to get that. ANd that is all the ex wife did in our case about our relationship and wedding and marriage. The differnce in our case is bm didn't even know we were engaged, she did however know we were together.
Wow, I am impressed at how
Wow, I am impressed at how mature you ladies are...guess that's why you are getting married and I am not
My BF and I have talked about getting married and he said casually the other day that he wouldn't have his buddy be his best man (as he did when he married BM). This time he would ask his son (SS). SS is the apple of my BFs eye. Everything the kid wants he has handed to him on a silver platter even when this takes away from our together time. Nothing is too much to do for the little prince, but if I have a request...of course I am selfish. Anyway, got off on a tangent there. I want to marry BF, but I about gagged when he mentioned his kid being his best man (of course he didn't notice my reaction). The kid acts and looks exactly like his mother (blonde hair blue eyes, pale as an albino). Hy BF is the tall dark (very dark) and handsome type. Genetic class anyone? No comment about that. Of course SS should be AT the wedding, and thats no problem. BM will use any excuse to get her kid out of her house for a day, even her ex's wedding. But does he really have to be IN the wedding? We talked about an intimate ceremony somewhere, very romantic, but good grief, with the SS up there with us, we might as well have the ceremony in the BM's living room. What's the point? SS is half BM (seems like 100%), and BM has nearly destroyed our relationship how many times? The kid takes all of BFs time and energy and I spend so much of my life waiting for my turn. Isn't my wedding day finally my turn? Do I have to share this one day with SS too since 99% of every day of our lives already revolves around him? When I saw the title of your post, I thought you were going to ask now NOT to have to skids at the wedding. I applaud your maturity, but maybe instead of worrying about them, realize it is finally your day and your BFs day, and at the foundation (and after those skids are gone) it will just be the two of you. Enjoy your day as a couple. You will have everyday to face the reality of dealing with the skids. (please don't tell me they are joining you for the honeymoon?)
yep, we don't tell BM
yep, we don't tell BM ANYTHING. If she has any tiny tidbit of information she will find a way to sabotage it or use it against us. It took us a long time to finally accept that. We kept hoping that she would become a rational, normal person but she never did. The only way to protect ourselves is to keep her in the dark about every little thing. If we MUST tell her something, we do it at the last possible minute.
Hi Thankyou for all your
Hi Thankyou for all your reply's great advice to not tell BM.
The only problem is that she with holds access at her desire. We don't have any thing in place officially regarding the kids. So every time she gets in a stink BF dosn't get to see them. He has tried mediation and putting a parenting plan together and we have been lookinjg at going to court (not just for the wedding having the kids there) but also to stop all the drama in regards to visitation.
We mostly have them weekends but we also both work shift work so some weekends we don;t have them because of work so when she with holds access it can be 5 weeks till BF gets to see them. She will decide this for very stupid reasons you just never know when she is going to blow she thinks the world owes her.
We can't afford to go to court at the moment as we have other immediate plans so I guess we should prepare to not having them there or having a small family ceromoney before or after if they are not aloud to attend.
In some ways not having them there will alow us to enjoy the day with out BF parenting as well but it will be a dampner and I really think that it will effect SD5 not being there after the wedding.
Hmmmmmmmm