I'm preparing to leave the relationship.
So yesterday I thought I would hold a sleepover for My partners son again as he loves spending time with my niece whose 7, she is literally a little Saint she's caring, has patience with other children, never says no to playing something she doesn't want to play, she's polite and does everything we say (not being biased but this is how we were all brought up to respect elders).
Last night I noticed how bossy and spoiled my ss (5) really is, she couldn't watch anything she wanted to watch had to be his, couldn't play anything she wanted to play and when I out a video on that my niece wanted to watch he threw a tantrum so I switched the TV off and told him it won't go back on until he stops. He stopped and apologised so nothing more was said of it.
This morning my heart broke for my niece as she sat on the floor and I could tell she was close to tears I asked her what was wrong and I noticed the toy she had been playing with had been thrower across the floor "she said nothing, I'm OK bit I want to go home to see my brother", I told her ill take her home and to give ss a hug and say goodbye she leaned in to and he pushed her away I told him to stop and as she leaned in to give my partner a cuddle he kicked her in the back. I told my partner to have a word with him which fell on deaf ears.
When I was taking my niece home she turned to me and started crying saying she didn't mean to upset ss I asked how did she upset him? Ss didn't want her playing with the toy he wanted her to play something with him so he picked it up and threw it on the floor and told her he's no longer coming down when she's round at my home.
I then txt his dad saying that I needed a word with him which he then said his son was upset as he came running after Ava to give him a cuddle but we had already left. He then proceeded to say he's sick of people telling his son off but I told him if the parents don't step in when he's misbehaving then yes someone has to correct him.
Low and behold today I've come back from work my step son comes into the kitchen beaming holding a ten pound note. So this kid is fine to bully and then is rewarded for it??? I think I'm done.
Quite a comparison between
Quite a comparison between the two different upbringings, isn't it? I'm glad you can see the writing on the wall, especially as with a skid so young it promises many, MANY years of suffering for other people's poor parenting should you stay.
What's your next move? Please do keep us updated. We're here for you.
To be honest I have no idea.
To be honest I have no idea. Just got into a blazing argument and he's got into his sons bed (again). Just been left in tears.
How very mature of him.
How very mature of him.
Your partner got shitty at you because after his son kicks
Your niece in her back which he never reprimanded him for, makes this your fault for having already left with your niece when ss finally decided he wanted to hug her.
how much do you think she even wanted a hug from ss after being kicked in the back?? ZERO CHANCE!!
your partner is a shitty parent and I wouldn't let this fly around me. He needs to address this immediately and not reward his kid with $10 etc
He kicked her after she tried
He kicked her after she tried to hug him and that's the reason I left with her.
Kicking a kid for trying to hug them is uncalled for
Ss was perfectly capable of using his mouth and say "i'm not in the mood for a hug today" but instead he kicked her
Quit wallowing in this shallow and polluted gene pool
and get on with your life. Your niece is a gem. This kid is not even a polished turd. It is just a POS. WIth as much of a failed parent as your partnert is, this kid will only get worse at it gets older. Don't get me started on your "partner".
If that kid had behaved like that in my home, it would not have been able to sit for a week after I got done lighting his violent ill behaved ass up with a paddle.
Running to his ill behaved failed family breeding mistake's bed? Really? Your partrner is pathetic.
Grrrrr.
smh
He keeps trying to get me to
He keeps trying to get me to have "bonding" time with his son, I replied if the child wasn't so spoiled and bossy, throwing tantrums every five mins we would've bonded by now. I dont feel it's worth my time bonding with him on my days off of work when I could be doing the things that I want to do or need to do.
"I'll try bonding when you
"I'll try bonding when you try parenting ..."
This is pretty simple and to
This is pretty simple and to the point.
Look, If you stop putting ME in the position where I have to correct your son... and work with him on improving his behavior... maybe he and I can begin to bond.
BUT.. I will also put it out there bluntly.
This kid is 5.. you have another 15 years or so of watching "daddeeee" fail at parenting. His first instinct is to blame YOU and everyone else for not treating his son the way he wants... His first inclination is to reject any corrections.. or suggestions for improvement.. Everyone else has a problem.. not him.. not his kid.
That's not a supportive partner... And.. I will be honest, my SD's were not perfect kids when I met their dad.. but he was open to working on things that bothered me.. and was reasonable when I made suggestions. He just didn't rush to protect and coddle them.. no not a straight line..
And.. kids can be bossy and mean and not good hosts.. (my YSD pulled a mean girl trifecta when she was maybe 11 and had a friend over.. and I called her out on that BS.. haha). But you do them no favors to not help them learn to be better people.. the kind of people that others want to be around.
Yep I've told him today we
Yep I've told him today we can work together. Like for instance the kid threw a tantrum today before school has his dad decided to put him on the PlayStation while he showered.
He started to throw yet another tantrum because he couldn't do something so I simply turned it off, he stopped. I called his dad out from the bathroom and said " see how easy that was?" I wouldn't have had to do it if I hadn't have turned on the PlayStation before school so now he knows not to do it but again I want to get to the point where I dont have to get involved avoid things that start him off in the first place. Told him if he doesn't want me to parent then he needs to be with his mother while dad works and not in my care.
Wanna throw a tantrum when other kids leave our home? Then other kids don't come to our home. Simple. I also told him if he misbehaves he loses a privilege whether that's pocket money, the TV, ipad etc...it works wonders.
Oooo I like it lol
Oooo I like it lol
Lol this is typical guilty disney parent syndrome
They raise ill behaved feral disrespectful kids who aren't pleasant to be around then expect you to bond and be happy around them.
i told my husband if he wanted me to say polite things about his feral 3 kids, then make them pleasant to be around.
now that you've seen the
now that you've seen the source of the problem, what can you really do to repair it? Unless Daddy and Mommy step it up for their kiddo, no one is ever going to want to play with him, hand out with him, be his friends.
I've said because of his
I've said because of his behaviour yesterday kids are no longer allowed around my home to play unless absolutely necessary (I.e watching my niece and nephew while my sister works) and even then they'll have to play under my watchful eye as he seems to bully when he knows no grown up is watching over him.
The money daddy gave him yesterday has been put away and will be saved up aswell as any other pocket money he earns for good behaviour.
I'm no longer an on call babysitter if I have plans I'll stick by them I won't be watching the child alone any longer that's upto mommy and daddy to sort.
Also told my partner we can start patching things up when privileges are taken away and he's told his ex to pull her socks up and parent and not to make plans on the days she's supposed to have her son and as my partner works nights there will no longer be early pick ups on a weekend as she always wants her son gone by early morning because she "likes to make the most of her time" she has without her child.
I did it today! My partner
I did it today! My partner decided to get into bed at 6am with his son and fired up the PlayStation.
I asked him what he was doing. He said his son wants to play PlayStation before getting ready for school. OK well I need a lie in and some personal space, he didn't like it.
I've not got his son ready today I've got into the other bed left him to his own devices both now gonna be running late for school and work as he's struggling to get him off of the PlayStation.
He asked for help I've given him a big fat NO! Because apparently because I'm not a parent I don't do any of the parenting, fine by me ill go and enjoy some childfree time!
This should never be your
This should never be your responsibility. If dad is there in the morning it's HIS job to get his kid ready for school. I thought it was common knowledge to not let the video games be played before school. Never happened/happens in my house. It's never easy to get them off. Looks like he's the typ of man who will have to learn by experience.
Exactly, my partner seems to
Exactly, my partner seems to lack common sense and I've told him this today.
Your DH sounds like mine. The
Your DH sounds like mine. The kid gets what they want to shut them up. It's called guilty daddy syndrome. If he isn't parenting, he won't. I'd give him some time but I wouldn't watch his kid PERIOD. I made that happen. If daddy couldn't watch them, they went back to BM's or the in laws. I stopped watching them because I wasn't allowed to parent them.
And since you don't have kids of your own, I'd make an exit. Just my opinion.
This has red flags written
This has red flags written all over it. I am currently leaving a situation where my STBXH babied and coddled his son, though his son is older than your SS. I can remember my STBXH going up to his son's rooms when his son was 17 or 18 to hang out with him and his girlfriend, leaving me to sit alone downstairs. His son is now 21 and the coddling has worsened and turned his son into a total failure to launch. There are a myriad of other issues related to this situation but the common denominator is: the dad of the problem child. Your husband's sitting in bed and playing Playstation with his young son, stonewalling your efforts to address his son's bad behavior, not allowing you to parent - these are signs of bad things to come. I also was never allowed to parent my STBXH's son, ever. And as his son got older, he began to run to his daddy and exaggerate things (for example, he went to visit his mom at her new home, I casually asked if he had his own room there since the house is huge - he doesn't really answer and later that day his dad rips into me about that his son told him I was trying to kick him out - a total lie). The situation you wrote about above about your SS acting upset in front of his dad about wanting to hug your niece after you all had left (and after he had been mean to her) is very similar to the type of manipulation my SS has been up to over the past few years. And the gift giving after bad behavior - same thing my STBXH has always done with his son, or he gives him gifts/privileges after he yelled at him about being lazy because he felt guilty when he actually attempted to parent his son. Reading your post made me sad for you and also reminded me a lot of my current situation.
Take care of yourself. You deserve peace and happiness and I have my doubts that you will ever find it in your current situation. I too am childless - I now realize that the reason my husband never wanted children with me is because he wants his son to come first always. I remember a comment he made to me several years ago when I was wondering if we should have a baby of our own, he says, "Well I've already had and practically raised a kid. I think my son would feel left out if we had a kid of our own." Once again, a HUGE red flag and I didn't heed its warning. Please, I can't tell you what to do but you really need to think about what you want and what is best and healthy for you.