I'm not her mom. *VENT*
I'm NOT SD5's mom. I don't WANT to be her mom. I WILL NEVER be her mom.
She has a mom. A psychotic, shitty mom, but she loves that psychotic, shitty mom to pieces. Good for her. She should love her mom.
I signed up for a 10K walk with March of Dimes since my 18 month old is a preemie, and I've wanted to do it for the last couple years. I finally signed up. I got excited about it. Then I told my SO about it. I told him he may want to find someone to watch his daughter for him that morning, because I won't be home, and he will be working.
Now we've just had an argument, because his family doesn't usually want to watch her. His friends don't want to watch her. I suggested taking her back to her mom. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Because I should take her with me. He wants me to take a 5 year old to a 6.2 mile walk. I pointed out that she whines about walking when we go to the zoo or the children's museum. I'm betting she's not going to like the idea of walking just because. I do not have a double stroller, and I'm NOT carrying her, so these things are not options. I'm taking the 18 month old with me in her stroller. I'm taking care of MY child. The child that is NOT mine should be with a parent wherever possible, right?
I know, I know. BM is a bitch. She coached SD5 into saying things like "daddy touches me" and "you're not my real dad, my step-dad is." I get it. She's an evil, manipulative, psychopath. But she's still SD5's mother. And will be for the rest of all eternity. It is NOT my fault this kid exists, it is NOT my job to watch her if I have other things to do, and I'm not the one that married the bitch and got her knocked up 5 years ago.. I GET that he wants to keep SD5 away from her mom considering the ideas BM puts in her head. But that's STILL not my job to figure out how that works. If you can't find alternative child care, you need to take her home. Because I'm BUSY. I'm doing other things, and NO. It is NOT practical to take a 5 year old on a 10K walk.
Okay. I feel better now.
Ditto!
Ditto!
You gave enough notice for
You gave enough notice for him to figure something out. If he can't find a sitter, tell him to take the day off. He could burn a vacation day, sick day or personal day.
Oh God how I wish that worked
Oh God how I wish that worked in my situation. "I didn't birth them" is one of the statements that my SO HATES hearing }:) but alas, it is needed at times...
WTH? I sell a certain
WTH? I sell a certain product for retail as another job...like the 2 I have and interning isn't enough...I had a party to host so I took the steps wth me...Luckily there was a baby there they played with and my guy hung out with the husband...so I didn't have to worry about them MUCH but when he walked around the back of the house of course SD9 started screaming and being super mean and bossy...then when he came back she started SCREAMING. I will NEVER EVER put myself into that situation again where I have to watch them while I am hosting...
Taking a 5 year old to that walk is ridiculous - it's even more ridiculous that he just expects you to take her...when you are doing something YOU want to do. You gave him notice - now he has to figure it out...I can't believe that was even an argument really...that's very selfish of him! Keep us updated and let us know what he ended up doing with her!
p.s. that is ABSOULUTELY revolting that a mother would coach their daughter to make up lies about their father like that!
WTH? I sell a certain
WTH? I sell a certain product for retail as another job...like the 2 I have and interning isn't enough...I had a party to host so I took the steps wth me...Luckily there was a baby there they played with and my guy hung out with the husband...so I didn't have to worry about them MUCH but when he walked around the back of the house of course SD9 started screaming and being super mean and bossy...then when he came back she started SCREAMING. I will NEVER EVER put myself into that situation again where I have to watch them while I am hosting...
Taking a 5 year old to that walk is ridiculous - it's even more ridiculous that he just expects you to take her...when you are doing something YOU want to do. You gave him notice - now he has to figure it out...I can't believe that was even an argument really...that's very selfish of him! Keep us updated and let us know what he ended up doing with her!
p.s. that is ABSOULUTELY revolting that a mother would coach their daughter to make up lies about their father like that!
Not your kid!! Then I guess
Not your kid!!
Then I guess he better plan on taking a day off to watch his kid! Have a great time at your walk!!
It's awesome that you are
It's awesome that you are finally doing the March of Dimes walk in honor of your preemie, you should not feel obligated at all to take SD with you! If SO wants SD to go on the walk perhaps he should take the day off, sign up, and walk with her. Since he seems to be okay with the idea of taking a 5yo old a 10K walk lol.
This annoys me about my SS4's BM too. If she can't be bothered to watch her own damn kid, why should I?! It sucks that BM is such a psycho but, as many previous posters have pointed out, that's not your problem. You didn't choose to have a child with her. Let SO and BM figure out what to do with THEIR child, you enjoy the walk with YOUR baby!!
Btw, I'm curious why his family, friends, etc. don't want to watch her?
She's what we call a "high
She's what we call a "high maintenance child."
She is not usually evil or bad most of the time, but she is insanely needy. She has no boundaries, no concept of personal space. She is very loud, in your face, and requires 100% of everyone's attention 100% of the time. If this doesn't happen, she throws a fit, pouts, or just gets a snotty attitude. She desperately needs some parenting from, you know, a parent.
So his family/friends don't really want to deal with that most of the time. Plus, they're pretty much all in agreement that it's my "job" to watch her, because I knew he had a kid getting into this relationship, so I should accept her as my own. None of them are stepparents, obviously.
Even in a so-called "intact"
Even in a so-called "intact" family, things can happen where the mom won't be home and the dad has to work. That doesn't require said mom to take the kid(s) with her. I think this holds more water than the "not my kid" argument. "Not my kid" is just going to cause her DH to bristle. I'm also a BM with bio-kids at home and I sometimes ask SO for help even though they're not his kids. Still, Dad is completely unreasonable here and should get a babysitter, or maybe even iqrt could line up the babysitter if DH is not capable.
I think we've settled this.
I think we've settled this. He's decided to go, and meet us there after work. I'm going to bring her, but she'll only be there alone with me for 30 minutes or so before the walk starts. He's going to bring an extra stroller for when the inevitable "MY LEGS ARE TIRED!!!!!" starts.
See? How hard was that?
I still think she'd rather spend time with her mom, but whatever, at least he'll (hopefully) be doing the parenting so I can enjoy the walk.