I'm a mess - we broke up
A little background: We've been together just over 2 years. The first year was bliss. And then BM and her boyfriend broke up. She started leaning on BD )my man) since she had nobody else to lean on. This lead BD and BM into a strong friendship. The friendship excalated into "anytime" phone calls and texts, hanging out together with their son at museums, carnivals, etc. I became jealous. Boyfriend told me in so many words that, It is what it is, his son is happier now they they are friends. And if I can't accept it, then I can leave.
Well, I left. He said he didn't want me to leave him, but he understands. He said he is doing this all for his son. He said BM's last boyfriend was such trash and a bad influence on his son, that he is just so happy that man is out of his sons life. He is worried that if he doesn't keep her close, that she will run back to him. He said that he and BM will not be getting back together, but they won't be dating anyone until their son 
is older. He said they want to raise their son by themselves w/o anyone else in the way.
I asked a few questions, but this one really bothers me. I asked how he is planning on going so long w/o having sex, or, are he and BM going to have a NSA sexual relationship. He said he will never have sex with BM again - that he isn't attracted to her anymore. But he will causally date when he is ready and have casual sex.
I'm pretty messed up.I thought we'd end up getting married. Around a year ago, we were talking about marriage and planning on a nice vacation. To this. How did this happen. Who is this man?
I hope it hits him the down the line. He acts like BM is some Saint now. A year ago, I was hearing all the stories about her manipulation, lies, etc. To Saint Hood. He said she's changed and he didn't really know her very well when they got married and divorced shortly after. He said his respect for her as a mother is through the roof.
I've asked around about her to people I trust. Out of the 7 people that I've asked, all 7 have said she is "crazy" - with some stories about her to follow. I like to think these people are right about her. That maybe he just has rose colored glasses on right now. I hope her "crazy" comes out again and my now ex boyfriend is left standing there speechless.
How can he go from telling me she is crazy and manipulative, to telling me she is a decent, mature person in a matter of 1 year????
Hun, He still has feelings
Hun, He still has feelings for her. My FDH did something similar before we got together. He told me that he had broken a woman's heart, a woman that he probably would have married because BM came back all "changed". He wanted to keep his family together and try again to make it work for the kid. BM stayed all changed for about 2 months before he booted her ass out again. But in the process he lost someone who was good to him and his son.
THANKFULLY this was a few years ago and long before we even met. But what I am trying to say is that what is happening isn't unusual and chances are it won't last between them. For your sake though, take it as a get out of jail free card. You got out and don't have to deal with the BS any more. Smile hun, you can find someone with less baggage now
I am so very sorry this AHOLE
I am so very sorry this AHOLE put you through this. If he thinks BM is so wonderful, he shouldn't have divorced her. He not only put his kid in a crappy situation, but led YOU into a crappy situation as well. What an AHOLE.
Please, please, please, do NOT worry about him anymore. Move on. Do whatever you have to do, read, go out with friends, go to a therapist, anything to get away from this AHOLE. What he did to you is WRONG. Period. He obviously wants to have it all, ex, kid, new gf...crazy man.
Be so thankful that this happened now and not 3 years down the road after you had a kid with this moron. Move on.
Many hugs to you because I know how much this must hurt, but that is what time is for, to heal...and you WILL heal and find someone who truly respects you. I admire you for putting your foot down and leaving. That is the sign of a very strong woman.
Well, actually, she left him
Well, actually, she left him and initiated the divorce. She divorced him 4 years ago for the man she just broke up with. But now she is all about her SON and his happiness. She is sorry she put her son through the divorce, etc. She apologized to boyfriend for what she put him through while they were married and during the divorce. She will never put her son through anything like that again.
She is a changed woman. Changed.
And I got a bridge in
And I got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell ya.
She is on the rebound from this BF and your BF is a convenient easy target to take care of her. Lip service is cheap. I give it 3 months before the cracks show, if not less time. And I almost spit out my coffee when your BF said both were going to wait until SS is older before dating. HAHA. She can't even wait until she's out of a relationship to date.
Predictions:
1) BM will have a scary meltdown and BF will go "what have I done?"
2) BM will screw someone else and break up with BF "what have I done?"
He lied about her a year ago
He lied about her a year ago because he couldn't admit that he was still in love with a woman who left him.
Now they have a chance to fix what she broke.
I always think there is something up with a man who feels the need to bad mouth and let the world know he hates his ex. It comes across as if he is trying to talk himself into to believing how awful the ex is.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but the two of them did you a big favor. They just released you from their relationship. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but who cares.
Dust yourself off, hold your head high and keep moving forward.
My mom said the same thing.
My mom said the same thing. I'm not sure how to use this in my situation.
I'm so focused on her and their relationship right now. I like to think her "change" is just a front. That she's shown who she really is by her past behavior. Then again, boyfriend somewhat places the blame on himself for her cheating. He once said that during their 2 yr marriage, he was always working and wasn't that great of a husband to her.
Let them have each other.
Let them have each other. Please don't waste your time focusing on them. You don't deserve to come in 2nd, if they have unresolved issues from their relationship then that is something they need to deal with. You are FREE!
Scubed means your ex--that he
Scubed means your ex--that he showed you what kind of person he is, what kind of partner, so don't go thinking he'll change or be better or anything else because he won't (without some serious psychedelic medication or life-changing event anyway.)
He seems to still have residual feelings, which means he believes that maybe they'll be together again, even if he tells others not. He who doth protests too much...
Move on from this...You will
Move on from this...You will find someone that treat you better and puts you first. He definitely told you his feelings. He still loves her...
I second what everyone else
I second what everyone else has said:
There are better people, with and without children, out there that understand the true meaning of having a relationship.
If nothing else, you've ticked off on the vast list of options, several personality and lifestyle types that is not for you, which means you just narrowed down a whole lotta junk.
It will hurt for a while, go out, pamper yourself, do things that make you happy and that keep you busy. And, because us on this site have seen so many unhappy steps, thank whatever god decided to save you from what is sure to be a long and hard suffering road. Cry if you need to, scream if you have to, but after, get on up and continue living, because life is beautiful.
She put a new FB picture up.
She put a new FB picture up. It looks like she is at the park with her son. She is hugging her son. They both have these big smiles.
She looks soooo happy. Good for her. I'm sitting her so sad thanx to her and her BD. Why does she deserve happiness? I'm a decent, honest person. I'd never hurt someone the way they've hurt people. Why am I always punished.
You DOOOOOOO Deserve
You DOOOOOOO Deserve Happiness! That is exactly what you are now going to have! You would have NEVER had it with an ahole who makes up excuses for his ex...and does what he did. You will have happiness NOW, without him.
PS - the only one punishing you is YOU...by wanting to stay with someone who put himself and his ex first...so stop punishing yourself if you don't want others to punish you...put YOURSELF first and love YOURSELF...only then, can you see how this is a blessing in disguise.
It sounds to me as though Bm
It sounds to me as though Bm could be playing a very clever game, wheedling in for the good of their son, being on her best behaviour to win him round, the sneaky cow, anyhow, you deserve to be treated better than this, this could be a good thing for you, meet someone with no kids and someone who really appreciates you.
He sounds like a bit of an idiot to me, he allowed his son to get damaged by Bm's ex and so did she, he conveniently forgets that now.
Don't waste you emotions and time on him, he is an asshole, I know it hurts but you will move on, do it with dignity unlike Bm, you have nothing to stay for, you can do so much better, I wish you well.
You guys are pretty funny.
You guys are pretty funny. I've seen the term "cow" thrown around in previous threads when referring to the BM, and for some reason it cracks up.
BM reminds me of a bull. A bull in a China Cabinet. Completely ungraceful. He can have the Bull.
I've made a big first step. I've deleted my facebook account completely. Not just deactivated, but completely deleted. It's something I've wanted to do for a while. The people I really care to keep in touch with have my phone number and vice versa. I deleted it for my own sanity, so that I'm not stalking them. But also because of the little known fact that FB causes relationship problems more often than not. It caused probs in our rship because he friend-ed her and she constantly posted things on his wall.
I'm going to take my time before getting into another relationship - at least 6 months. But when I do jump back in there, I won't be a cow checking fb all the time like many woman around here do. And I won't put up with that behavior from any man. I liked my life better before I joined facebook!!
Thanx for the support.
What can I add? Oh yeah be
What can I add? Oh yeah be glad you found out before you married him. Trust us you're better off.
I like to think he wouldn't
I like to think he wouldn't have married me if he still had feelings for her. I can't imagine being in a marriage where the husband is still in love with an BM. OMG. Hopefully that isn't very common.
Yeap he wants her back.. you
Yeap he wants her back..
you are lucky its a clean getaway.
Gocubsgo, you are not being
Gocubsgo, you are not being punished. Actually the opposite, and you need to thank God that you got out of this situation after only 2 years, you are a very, very lucky young woman. Had you ended up marrying this ditzy guy you could very easily have ended up with 20 years of misery before you finally divorced anyway. Don't look at this from your broken heart, look at this from your head. This guy is flip flopping all over the place, how long do you think his happiness is going to last. I hope he and she stay blissfully happy right up until the day your heart heals, so that way you will not be tempted to go back. Sorry, but you really are looking at this all wrong, you are being blessed, not punished. Time will show you that. I am sorry for the heartache you are feeling, but that will pass, a life with him would have left deep scars.
Nope. No matter how lonely
Nope. No matter how lonely and sad I am, I will never take him back. And I'm NEVER dating another man with kids. I know to never say never, but in this case, I'm fine with saying NEVAH AGAIN!!!
Want to hear someting funny???? There is a man that really digs me and he has a 6 yo daughter. Her BM is wacked and doesn't work. And he once told me that his daughter has some issues b/c of BM - not sure if he meant genetic-wise or not. This guy works as a cashier at a grocery store, lives with his sister, owns 2 vehicles that are 15+ in age. He heard I was single again, probably via facebook as this is a small town. And he left me an email telling me how attractive I am, how I can do better, etc. He went on to say that I should give him a chance, but how is daughter comes first and I won't meet her until I can prove myself to him. And I'd have to love her as my own daughter. OMG. Can you imagine?? I'm an attractive, fit, 34 yo woman, I make 90k/year, I have around 5 years left on my mortgage, etc. And this guy thinks he can come into my world with his BM and daughter - both with issues - and tell me that his daughter will basically call the shots. HAHAHHAHA. Some BD's are really messed up in the head.
OMG. That's freakin'
OMG. That's freakin' HILARIOUS.
WTFWTFWTF. I would have looked at him and said "In your wildest dreams. You don't understand an adult relationship, so I suggest you look for someone 'attractive' elsewhere."
FYI- I reread what I typed
FYI-
I reread what I typed and I hope I didn't offend anyone. Nobody deserves that BS no matter what they make, what size they are, how attractive. I wasn't trying to say I am above him because of what I make, etc.
LOL - I don't think anyone
LOL - I don't think anyone will take offence at that.
But way to go checkout guy - what a way to woo a woman!!!
LMAO
BUT!!! Look on the bright side - day one and already you have offers
EEEEEEEEEEWWWWH, what a
EEEEEEEEEEWWWWH, what a freak.LOL.I am so glad you are such a wise person and look at him from this perspective.Poor lady who finally dates that guy and his 6 year old princess!!!
Ha, ha ha, that is so funny.
Ha, ha ha, that is so funny. He obviously sees himself as some sort of prize, your knight in shining armour and sees you as dumb enough to allow his 6 year old to dictate how your life will go.
I am not advocating you do it, but I would love you to laugh in his face. How dare he tell you you can take second place to his daughter, just because he is dumb enough to let a 6 year old run his life and call the shots he must think everyone is. Enjoy your life you have the world at your feet really and seem to be doing very well.