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I'm getting out.

YazPistachio's picture

Submitted by YazPistachio on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 2:40pm

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After months and months of lurking on this forum (reading these posts has really helped me btw), I decided to make my first post. I'm going to meet with my lawyer today and sign a petition for dissolution. Life is just to damn short to be this miserable all the time. My stepson is actually a good kid. He doesn't really do anything positive, but he's totally tolerable and not the least bit rude. However, his mother will only see him 2 or 3 days a month (her choice) and his father has opted to spend the past two years totally checked-out on huge amounts of pain meds. If I don't cook, clean, shop, or take care of every domestic issue, it simply doesn't get done. I've tried disengaging, but SS just ends up suffering and having nothing to eat. I have never wanted kids and really don't like kids, yet here I am... a full time friggin' nanny. I hate waking up in the morning and I dread coming home and my husband's response is to continually tell me that if I don't like his son, just to ignore him. Although part of me is sad to file for divorce this week, I am beyond thrilled thinking about the life of freedom that awaits me when I come out on the other side. This kid has two perfectly capable parents who can take responsibility and step up. I'm done feeling responsible, guilty and obligated. Thanks for listening.

Pensive Stepmom's picture

Submitted by Pensive Stepmom on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 2:49pm

It sounds like you have thought it over quite well & are ready for a new chapter in your life! Good luck to you!

marty15's picture

Submitted by marty15 on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 2:53pm

That sounds miserable and you're right, life is too short to be miserable. I hope the kid somehow turns out okay with a mom who doesn't want him and a drug addled dad. Sad But he's not your kid and you have the right to step out of this situation. Good luck!

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 2:57pm

Sounds terrible. I'm glad you are getting the strength and motivation to get out. Your H sounds like he has a lot of problems and needs to work on himself for a while and pay attention to his kid. Your primary focus should be you.

Invisiblestepmom14's picture

Submitted by Invisiblestepmom14 on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 4:03pm

Good for you!! Hope you have a wonderful life and meet someone who loves, respects, and takes care of you!!

feelinglost's picture

Submitted by feelinglost on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 4:15pm

yea, it looks the only thing that keeps people in step world is the love and respect they get from their spouse. If it is not there then get out with no regret. There is way too many beautiful things in the world to be occupied with.

YazPistachio's picture

Submitted by YazPistachio on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 4:22pm

Thanks so much for all the supportive replies everyone! It felt good to write that post and, as I go through this, I've promised to keep replaying all the phrases and thoughts in my head that keep me a "strong me." A few made good comments about my departure being the kick in the butt that the kid's parent's both need. I have no doubt that they'll step up in some way. It'll also be good for my SS to get a kick in the butt himself. He does very little and this will force him to do some fending for himself. For example, he's almost 16 and doesn't want to learn to drive. He says it's too much work and he'd rather be driven around. I have a feeling that will change as soon as I'm gone.

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 5:25am

Congrats Yaz! Freedom is right around the corner...no more being taken advantage of and used as a nanny. Best of luck to you!!

BigEasy1203's picture

Submitted by BigEasy1203 on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 8:48am

You're so right about like being too short to be miserable all the time. In addition to that, the stress is so bad for you, health-wise. Why kill yourself slowly so you can be a nanny for someone else's kid? You're doing the right thing.

My wife is wonderful and takes my side on most things. If she wasn't, I can't imagine I would still be in the marriage. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

turek44's picture

Submitted by turek44 on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 1:40pm

I'm glad you found the strength and power to make this change in your life for YOU. Stepmother's are often overlooked, over worked and under appreciated. I know myself from personal experience that I feel like I do way more for my SD's than their BM's ever did and will...yet I am always the "bad guy". You don't deserve to be in a full time position that you never signed up for and aren't willing to fufill. Good luck and I wish you happiness!! Enjoy your freedom!