If we can't even get it SCHEDULED, how is mediation expected to be helpful at all?
BM has dragged and dragged her feet on scheduling mediation. She refuses to do it before Jan 22 .. the court scheduling date (which is not a hearing, just a administrative meeting to get a court date on the calendar).
DH called mediator as soon as the order was received on Dec 5 and provided his availability.
Initial dates were scheduled for Jan 7 and Jan 14. BM called and rescheduled to Jan 23 and Jan 24. DH can't attend the Jan 24, so called and moved back to Jan 14 (a date BM had since confirmed she's off work and can attend therapy).
Her attorney called yesterday and cancelled saying her client was unavailable. They have refused to return phone calls or emails from the mediator. Mediator is PISSED. Basically said this isn't the first time he's dealt with people dragging their feet to get their way. He said he will schedule for Friday; if BM doesn't show, she will be in contempt. But I don't think it will actually play that way .. once they know there's a scheduled date, her attorney will call.
I just can't imagine anyone in this situation really thinks that with this much bullshit and game-playing before even getting in the door, that there's actually going to be any sort of productive conversation.
It's all so ridiculous. The
It's all so ridiculous. The games these people play.
We're somewhat fortunate in that BM is military, so her pay is all public record. We can Google her salary and all of her allowances pretty easily.
This double round of mediation will cost a pretty penny of $400 .. which is a fat waste of money.
Delay of court or mediation
Delay of court or mediation action is a classic toxic blended family oppostion tactic. The Sperm Clan did this to my DW when they initiated a custody action when she was a single teen mom college student going to school out of state.
They would delay and postpone hearings that she had flow home to attend. It was a blatant attempt to break her financially so she would just hand the Skid over to them. They serously underestimated her tenacity in protecting her son from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool. SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa were funding the Sperm Idiot's court efforts so it was very difficult on my DW in the early days.
When I entered the picture the financial big stick shifted unequivically in our favor and it was us who kept them on the financial ropes for the next 16+ years of the CO and we enjoyed barring their idiot asses and keeping the entire Sperm Clan on the verge of destitution. }:)
Even in the case we had to deal with where the Sperm Clan were resident in the county where the CO was issued and we were out of state there reaches a point where the courts can not overlook or ignore these delays and manipulations. Keep working with the mediator and stay available and the mediator will smack the shit out of BM.
Most of all, have fun!!! }:)
The court WILL see through
The court WILL see through this. My husband's ex did this,... and even AFTER mediation she looked at the paperwork and said the mediator was a LIAR that she didn't agree to any of it!!!
Take some comfort in knowing that the judge will see this as what it is and if she keeps it up the judge will nail her ass to the wall.
Her attorney sent an email
Her attorney sent an email saying that she provided her client's availability for the next 45 days and that due to work schedules, there is foreseeable difficulty in reaching a date that works for both of them.
I wonder if her attorney knows that her client is sending emails confirming additional availability for other things (therapy appointments, etc), clearly indicating she has time that is agreeable to DH's requests but refuses to cooperate ...
When dealing with the
When dealing with the personality - disordered, mediation is a waste of time anyway. DH and BM met with two mediators over the summer. One is a lawyer, one a social worker, both very expensive ( they work together, so it was one session). BM just opened her mouth on the word Go and never stopped blaming DH for EVERYTHING that is wrong in her life for the next two hours, whether it was related to issues at hand or not. Mediators got bamboozled bc she painted herself as a chronic victim and him as a bully. Given that she is a successful bisiness woman who runs a company bringing in more than 1 mln a year, it seems incredible. Mediation was a total waste of time; should have waived it altogether ( it was not court-ordered in our case), would have spared DH the torture of being in the same room with a maniac on a rampage.
All you can do is document your efforts to schedule it and move on. If that is her approach to finding a time slot, imagine how uncooperative she would be actually negotiating. Waste of time. Did i say that before?
DH and BM DID get to
DH and BM DID get to mediation after several attempts, and BM of course made herself look ridiculous. When the counselor was well aware of it, she sent a letter to the judge stating we should have full custody. Well, we never got to trial, so the letter was never officially submitted as evidence...and the wonderful consequence? BM has done her damnedest to alienate skids from the counselor as well. Worked for a while, but skids are now realizing how nuts their mom is. Courts don't care. They just want to drag this on forever so they can bleed us dry.