I need expert help regarding bratty SS and you guys are the best
SS12 is the most bratty needy Disrespectful SPOILED SOB I’m willing any of you have ever met( I could write a book)Ever since I married my husband three years ago we have agreed that when SS turns 18 we are moving to Florida.We live in upstate NY right now. My husband HATES NY for multiple reasons and me well I just want to put multiple states between me and controlling evil BM and hopefully SS. DH thinks SS will move with us and SS said he would for the last three years. I was not worried as I figured SS would change his mind as he got older and WORSE case he did move with us at least evil troll BM would never leave NY.
Well last night I mentioned on the phone to my mom I could not wait to move out of NY once SS turns 18. SS over heard this as he has before but responded different. He got all pissy and started Arguing with me about why we, DH and me have to leave when he turns 18 and he decided he’s staying here in NY. Mind you we have been talking about the move for three years to SS. I told him that’s fine he can stay but we are moving as he will be an adult. He then said who was going to live as he has no plans on getting a job till he’s in his 20s he said! I said he can live with BM. He Continue to be snotty and give me rude comments. The brat then said to me nope and I’m talking to dad about this as it’s not happening meaning us DH and I moving. Big WTF I wanted to smack that brat.
Now I’m not sure if it was mentioned to DH yet as SS would not do it in front of me and DH would be to afraid to tell me.
First of all how would you guys handle this? There is no way in HELL im staying in NY after SS turns 18. I’m not sure I want to make a big deal out of it now as I’m sure it will turn into a fight with DH. I’m hoping SS brat will get other Interests(girlfriend) over the next few years and not be so clingy to daddy. What do you recommend?
You know DH will still pay CS
You know DH will still pay CS for SS up until 21, right? Off topic, but he will still be tied to BM for those years.
Anyway, 18 is 6 years away, why argue about it now?
My thoughts? Why wait 6
My thoughts? Why wait 6 years? Let's rip this bandaid off right now...lol.
Maybe kid will move with you.. maybe he won't. maybe they will have to redo custody so that he perhaps lives with BM during school year and has longer breaks with dad during time off from school.
If you both dislike living where you do.. make a change. It will have some consequences.. and you will likely never 100% get rid of BM.. but you can put some distance in between..lol.
I don't get this generation.
I don't get this generation. (I'm only in my early 30's). I grew up with 2 sisters. We were all out of the house by 18, gainfully employed or in school. We didn't ask my parents for a cent. They spent 18 years of their lives sacrificing for us, and when we were able, we took care of it ourselves. My parents love us and we love our parents. I can't believe that so many children lack the courtesy to see that the parents did this out of pure charity. With all of the abortion that's happening (millions and millions), these kids should feel lucky to have even been born!
Many parents do help with college
Even if only allowing kid to live at home and go to Community College (cheapest way to go to college).
Even that's a stretch. I did
Even that's a stretch. I did move back in with my parents between my time in the military and college, but I paid them 300$ a month in rent, and halved the utilities until I started school and got an apartment of my own.
Honestly, you can pay rent on a 1 bedroom studio with a part time job, and be out of school owing less than 20k if you get your degree from a community college. If it's too expensive to do in one area, then you choose a school in another. Adaptation is important.
It's better this way really. It got me ready for what was coming, and I chose a major based on it's ability to land me a job that can pay my loans and feed myself. I'd fall over sideways if I supported a kid going to school for underwater basket weaving (sarc).
I am glad this worked out for you
But it does not mean it works best for everyone, and if OP's divorce decree is in NY, he can be ordered to help with college.
Dad has 6 years to work with his son on academics.
The goal in parenting is to
The goal in parenting is to have non-dependent adults though, yes?
Absolutely, goal is to help kids become non-dependent adults
But many would say they should still help kid with college. I don't know of any data that indicates that kids who get help with college are less sucessful than those who do not get help. In any event, OP's DH may have a legal obligation to help.
I understand "legal
I understand "legal obligation". What I don't understand is kids that feel "entitled". I feel that either way, a child should be appreciative to the parent (in the absence of abuse, etc.)
"Entitlement" really ruined a whole lot. You didn't see the 20 year olds at home with mom nearly as much 10, 15, 20 years ago.
I agree about kids feeling
I agree about kids feeling entitled. But it's also much more difficult to get a job that pays enough to afford decent housing now than it was 10-20 years ago. 10 years ago, I got my bachelor's degree and my first job after college paid $12 an hour. I could barely afford a shitty 1 bedroom apartment in a bad area, and that was with basically all my income going to my living expenses. And that was with a bachelor's degree!
I honestly don't think you
I honestly don't think you are realistic at ALL with the costs of things today vs back then.
A FULLTIME job that's under $10 an hour won't pay enough for an apartment/car/insurance/foods/utilities and school...I mean in what WORLD does this happen?
It wasn't even 10 years ago
It wasn't even 10 years ago that I got out of college. Granted, I had the post 9/11 GI bill, so I got through college scot free.
Neither of my sisters did.
A 1 bedroom studio ran about 500 a month, plus utilities, so 600 a month. With a part time job and supplemental loans, it isn't unreasonable to say that someone couldn't get through community college with under 20k in loans. If they choose their degree as they should choose their degree - based on their interests that are aligned with the demand for the labor, they shouldn't have a single problem paying 180 a month on their loans.
There are plenty of options available for people who are willing to live within their means, and work.
Why wouldn't you WANT to help your parents? Why wouldn't you WANT to make their lives easier? I rarely see kids try. I'm a teacher, though the hundreds of examples I see are anecdotal, there's not much effort put forth, kids are largely entitled. I always tip the college student bussing tables at a restaurante extra heavy, because they are in the minority.
Were you in the Armed Forces?
If yes, thank you for your service. Yes, that is one way for a child to pay for college, but it does not work for everyone. If your parents served and transferred benefits to you, that is one big way to help.
Waives
Former NY now living in Florida, happy as can be.
I agree with others, just tell him his tone was unacceptable, and try to avoid him listening in on you
I do think that parents should try their hardest not to move away from kid under 18, AND dad should use that time to make certain kid is prepared for a career or college.
Wow thanks for all the responses
To answer Peoples questions above....
One I would LOVE to bail on this shit show now but daddy dearest would never hear of it. Trust me I tried. DH won’t even move out of the school district so we have the pleasure of living not ten minutes from Evil BM.
If I Corrected SS’s Disrespectful bratty behavior it would start a war. SS LOVES to challenge me and “Disney dad” well pretends to not hear or tells me I’m Over exaggerating or took what step son said wrong. I call bullshit but it’s not worth the fight so I’ve just disengaged from the little prick.
I guess I Purposely made sure SS knew we were moving as I did not want it to be a shock when we did. Reason I figured if he was use to the idea he would not put on such a guilt trip to good old dad when the time came.
I probably wouldn't talk
I probably wouldn't talk about it in front of or in earshot of SS anymore. A lot can change in 6 years. But I would make sure you and your DH are on the same page as far as what you are planning for your future.
Evil stepmother
Your Evil for not wanting to support SS, So he can work on his video gaming skills full time. That he will not get a new car to try out all those fancy restaurants. I am sure he doesn’t need college they don’t teach video game playing.
Yes , just hope he does not move with you to FL or you will be supporting him there
Just don't argue with the
Just don't argue with the butthole, it puts him at your level, which he is not.
He can think whatever he wants, in another room.
There is no need to torment
There is no need to torment SS-12 for the next 6 years over the move to Fla. Keep those discussions between you and DH and speak to your mom about in private out of earshot of SS-12.
In six years. Just move. SS can fight with BM over support, living arangements, etc.... SInce your CO is in NY... DH will keep pumping cash to BM for three years after the move. But.... no more need to even hear a peep about it from either BM or SS after he turns 18.