I failed again
This is my story ... I am realy upset right now ,so please understand I will probably be rambling . I am bm bd15 bs10 and was single mom for 10 years until I married DH with ss now 3 . My DH and I have known each other and worked together for three years prior to our relationship . We have had lengthy careers in law enforcement , so the department becomes your second family . We were friends and fellow officers and we all are tight nit . My husband had been married and had a baby with her and she also had son from prior marriage . He was very happily married and was so proud to have his family . She was a nurse and both were doing well at their jobs . When the baby was born he was sick and stayed in hosp . DH stayed at hosp around the clock with baby while bm was running around . Anyway the baby was released and was doing good . BM insisted that ahe was going back to work and did so when baby was four weeks old . We all thought it was strange because she really didnt have to work if she didnt want to . When the baby was four months old she came home packed her stuff told DH that she didnt love him anymore and that he could keep the baby .DH was devistated and scaared . This was his first baby and was scared that he wouldnt know how to care for him properly. So all of us in the department became aunts and uncles and were glad to help.Come to find out his wife had been dating her boss and they moved in together . The divorce was final and dh got full custody and bm was ordered by the court not to have child around new bf b/c of his history of abuse of his own son. So bm would only see the baby a couple of times b/c she could not have baby around bf. My dh and i began having a relationship when ss was 13 months old. BM found out and went crazy . she would follow me around town and has tried to run me off road several times with all kids in my vehicle . She called me and told me she didnt want HIM back . I thought she was refering to DH b/c ahe had been begging him to work things out. She was talking about ss and telling me she didnt want him and just wanted me to take good care of him. So life goes on and I took him as my own " who could resist those big brown eyes ". I am the only mommy he knows up until she decided to be mommy again a few months ago she took us to court and got visition back and the court also removed the clause agaist bf b/c they got married. Now my son is confused and has turned into a mess . She tells him crazy things to tell me . He is so hard to handle and acts out . He is real mis behaved and seems to be encouraged to be this way . DH feels bad for him and lets him do what he wants . She has become more vendictive than ever and its affecting our family life . My husband left tonight because I was talking about sons behavior and how it was effecting all of us . I believe all children in a household should have the same rules and guidelines.So now I am the bad mom
it sounds alot like my situation
BM cheats and leaves her husband for someone else and and their child ends up being screwed up for various reasons...We're going through the same crap and it will more than likely change. You have to talk to him and let him know what you expect. I refuse to live this way anymore..I have said I will leave if things don't change. There is nothing you can do on BM's end, she'll do what she wants because it's her way of being in control. So let her, she'll realize it when her child has no respect for her one day in the future. All you can do is do right on your end and take the high road. It's so hard to do it but someone has to show these kids how normal people raise their children. As for your husband, I came right out and told my fiancee things needed to change, or I'll leave. He tends to favor also, I have a daughter from a previous reltionship who has been through alot but I don't parent through guilt, after taking numerous parenting classes and therapy sessions...it's not healthy for the child...his child has had NO parenting at all his whole life, so he's accustomed to being spoiled..NOT HERE! I tend to be the iron fist or the step witch but I'd rather have him learn the right way to grow up than the way his BM is raising him...good luck
and...
you didn't fail...it takes two in a relationship..it sounds like your hubby isn't doing his part
your not a bad mom
My BD has issues everytime she comes home from her BF's home. Every other weekend after she comes home, we have to reprogram her to be the nice little girl I know she can be. It sucks and its hard. I have been dealing with this for 7 years. My daughter knows she can't do the stuff she does at her BF at our house. BF lets her run wild and do whatever she wants, eat whenever, sleep whenever, etc. She usually comes home diry, tired and hungry.
Yes, all kids in the household need the same rules. Maybe the little guy needs a little counseling. It is hard to adjust when you are little. Imagine going from chaos to calm and back again. I am sure it is very hard for the little man to know what's what. Children naturally want to please their parents and when BM is being mean the child thinks it is their duty to please them and do as they ask no matter how wrong it is.
Good luck and have patience, maybe BM will get bored with being a mom and leave that job to you. The one who has been doing it all the long and loving the child they way a parent should.
Thank you
You are sweet and I do appriciate you . It sounds like you have had to realy be patient also . My son is going through some difficult changes . And you are so right . He has had it pretty tuff . It is confusing to him in so many ways . Maybe it will calm down .I just wish she would quit being like this and grow up and help instead of hurt
Yes mam
The court lifted the order since bm married b/f . New hubby isnt allowed to be alone in the same room with my ss until he takes a mental eval. She was told by the court that she must make up all child support because she never made a payment . I could care less about the money . I just worry about my son being with them . I dont think she has any rights , But I do think my son has the right to know her . I would not have any issues with her if she would do right by him . But I do have issues with the safety of my son around her hubby .
Thanks you all
Thank you all for your support . I just want what is best for us all. I am known in my family as the peace keeper . I have tried to keep peace between everyone even more so to bm . Given the situation when she got visitaion back he didnt even know her .. So as you can imagine how hard it was for him to understand at his age I tried hard to prepare him for this as best as i could being as positive as I could . He is a sweet , very loving child that hardly anyone can resist . I just want my husband to help keep him on the right track amd understand that he needs to understand that that behavior is not allowed in our home . And you are right my husband needs to step up ............... My stepmom was the best thing that happend to me and the best role model I ever had .. She passed away a few years ago and I want yal to know she made a better person .
You're doing great and
You're doing great and hopefully everything will work out. Continue to stay positive. It seems like you're walking in your stepmoms shoes.
"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."
She is a nurse? Check the narcotic count !
Sounds a bit bipolar to me! I hope DH takes the high road and puts down some limitations not only with BM but with BS too. He is going to have for himself the consequenses of his actions and DH cant always use the excuse, it's because he was with BM. Even though that may be true, that doesn't make it right. You are the only mommy that baby has known, and at three, it is way too early for him to be starting. Yall have the upper hand, don't forget that.
Your feelings are yours to own and they are real! It is not unreasonable to expect DH to treat BS differently. This will only bring hardship to the whole family. My husband is also in law enforcement, he has seen the best & the worst, he has always been harder on our own children than SD. His reasoning was the same. But turned out that our children are way more rounded and SD is very disfunctional. Equalibrium will keep the boat afloat!
I'm glad you found this forum, you will love it!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
i like how you said
your son, not step son, he is a very lucky boy and if you stick to your guns, he will be fine, he had a great start and hopefully that will stay with him thru the bad times
stay strong we are here for you!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
This site , and all of you
This site has givin me alot of insight and I must say that you all have been great . I hope that we all find the answers and help that we need to keep moving forward and being the best that we can be . I have been reading these forums for a few days now and everyone here is very supportive of each other . I thank ya'll for being great people . Your advice and suggestions are most helpful .