They marry for lust and not love....

The younger generation never learned consequences and how to resolve problems, they all got treated like special little snow flakes and if something does not suit them then get rid of it, this is our society today. I you look at longest marriages in Hollywood they classify 10 years as very very long, there's only a hand view that can say, been married for 40 years..

The generations after us will be terrible, maybe not as many divorces cause they simply do not get married anymore, they simply just make babies and demands the state to pay benefits..

Who's to blame.. society self, we allowed it... you kid comes home crying cause the Jones's kids have cell phones, immediately you run and buy your kid one... regardless if you can afford it or not...

How do you cope with step life, easy disengage from the skids, not your kids and not your problem, when you enter a new relationship it should not be for financial gain or to update your FB status, not to have an instant family... you enter into a relationship because of the person and you have to be financially independent..... have self respect and before moving in or jumping in bed with a new person, make sure it's the right one..

Because they have no clue what they are getting into.

I hear you, though. This is one of the many hidden effects of divorced families. . . that it can really suck for other family members, especially grandparents too. If you have several children who are divorced and remarried, it can almost feel like one day you are in and the next day you are out. Also, when parents first get divorced and start dating, many a times the one they first turn to are their parents. And, they expect their parents to watch the kids or cook or clean for the kids while they are out working or on a date. Or, they may even expect to move back in with mom and dad.

We have gotten to a place in society where we accept divorce, and you can get divorced now for just about any reason, but, wow!, the far-reaching and lingering affects from this can be astounding and really are not all that well researched. Here, of course, we talk about how we as step-parents, mostly step-mothers, have to deal with the fallout from someone else's divorce. But, many other family members have to deal with this as well. Grandparents, in particular have to watch their children split up, are practically be forced to take sides, have to deal with the Gkids going through all of this, and so on. Then, yes, if their adult children remarries, then suddenly there is this new spouse AND new family. Yeah, I hear you.

It reminds me of my EX husband. He was always unhappy and it was always someone else's fault. He lost his job because co-workers were jealous. He was out of shape because the place we lived was not conducive to outdoor activity. He got a ticket because it was a speed trap. He didn't get the job because XYZ... never his fault.ever.

So, he changed jobs a ton of times because he couldn't get along and in reality could talk a good game but wasn't as skilled as he portrayed in the interviews. It didn't help that he was comparing salaries with coworkers who would then get bitter because he made more than them while having 1/4 the skill level. And, we moved to Silicon Valley because that is where IT is AT! And it's nice weather would have us outside and active and etc.. etc..

The problem is that no matter where he was, there he is. He was the issue. No matter how many jobs he held, or places he moved or people he dated (cheated on me)... he couldn't get away from what was truly his problem... HIMSELF.

So, why do people repeat the mistakes? Well, a lot of times it's because they are 100% relying on outside sources to be the catalyst to change and improve their lives when in the end, it's their own shortcomings that torpedo things. Like my EX who had champagne tastes but couldn't hold a steady job so we would get overextended which would cause money stress.. which led to marital stress. which led him to see other people who weren't so "bitter". Of course they weren't bitter, they weren't trying to figure out how to pay the car loan that you took out when we were a two salary family and now you are job searching and I'm covering everything?!!!

And, people often time have a situational bias and justification for the small red flags in a relationship. The newness and fun of a new person is a rush and they ignore things that they shouldn't. That's why I think on here we often see people that tell posters to divorce or leave the person they are with because it's clear from the OUTSIDE that the flaws being described are going to almost assuredly be fatal flaws for that relationship. BUT.. people cling to their bad decisions like they are life rafts after the titanic.

People shouldn't stick with a bad decision just because they have so much invested in making that decision. Cut losses is always an option.

DH admitted that the first time he married, it was partially because she got pregnant on purpose, but partially because he was a sex-hungry teenager. It was for lust, there wasn't real love there, she did it for selfish reasons as well. And BOOM, instant recipe for marriage failure... Beyond all the other things BM did too...

Lust is big though... DH and I had a discussion on "love" the other day... He felt it's become meaningless because it's used for nothing all the time, and I think that things are just misclassified all the time... You like a food and you decide you love it... A narcissist uses a child and it's mistaken as love, two teenagers in high school are lusting and they call it love.

Love is misclassified ALL THE TIME. So a lot of time when people remarry it's for lust, and then it fails because it's for lust. A marriage based solely on lust isn't gonna work, when things get hard someone who's just lusting flees or cheats (this also depends on if you're loyal and your morals too though... Not everyone is gonnna cheat in the marriage just because it's based on lust. i.e. BM slept with everyone and their dog, whereas DH didn't sleep with anyone else and just beat himself up on not being good enough...) Whereas if it's based on love and partnership it's more likely to succeed because when it gets rough the parties actually want to work, because their marriage is about more than just physical attraction.

As someone who got married for the first time in her late 30s and now has a mix of friends my age who are married, divorced, just getting married for the first time, getting married for the second time, I think there are also a lot of people who get married too young because they feel that it's expected of them and then realize later that they either settled to soon.

My DH has told me that he got married the first time because BM was his first serious girlfriend and MIL told him that at his age (mid-20s) he should be married. He wasn't marrying for lust, either. He told me that he was "repulsed" by BM. His father had also died unexpectedly recently, so he was grieving as well. His relationship with BM wasn't even great and lovey-dovey when they were dating, but he did what was expected of him and was miserable for 11 years. He also had kids with someone he didn't really like - hoping that having kids would "fix the relationship" - because again, having kids was expected of him. He would have stayed miserable for life to allow his kids to have an "intact" family, but BM met another man and filed for divorce.

For my other friends who are divorced and remarried, they all got married first in their mid-20s and I think you just change a lot from your mid-20s to your mid-30s. If your spouse doesn't change in the same ways, it can be difficult to make things work.

I'm so glad I waited to get married because I feel like I had a chance to really live my life. I traveled, I explored, I tried new things, I lived in foreign countries. My other friends who got married in their 30s did the same. I would give that piece of advice to anyone younger...your settled life can wait. Make sure you go out and do a few things that you want to do, just for you, before you settle down.

I did it because my 20 year marriage was turning toxic. I remarried somebody that I’ve known since I was 14 years old. We got married because we deeply love each other. Yeah, the step blended family crap does caused a lot of turmoil. But intact families also have their own special form of turmoil. It’s all about picking the hill you want to die on.