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I blame my DH

Somuchdrama's picture

Submitted by Somuchdrama on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 4:56pm

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Does anyone have a DH that backslides on the boundaries? I feel like my DH does so good and then he lets his guard down almost like he "forgets" BM is a psycho.

For example: DH lays the law down about xyz boundary. BM sends and 4 page email about why she can do whatever she wants. DH ignores this email and BM stops doing xyz for a few months. Then BM tests the waters slowly and if allowed, goes right back to the former inconsiderate/annoying behaviors.

DH says "This is such a minor issue and there is no need start a fight over it". Does he just not see it? This "minor" event will lead to a continually crossed boundary. I want to scream!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 6:59pm

A lot of people have the train of thought that once they lay down a boundary, everyone will respect that boundary.

Nothing is further than the truth. You constantly have to reinforce your line of defense in these situations because the people you set the boundaries for in the first place, will be the ones that will test your resolve first.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 7:42pm

The BM I deal with has a history of mental illness, suicide attempts, violence, and has assaulted both myself and DH. She has gotten into fistfights with her kids. All 3 of them. She even got into a fist fight with some guy at a movie theater because he "bumped into her when walking past her seat".

But if she acts "normal" even ONE TIME, my DH wants to pretend all is well and the past is forgotten and forgiven and suddenly BM is an angel and a rational human being.

I will never understand it. Ever.

(BTW with me he can bring up slights and minor offenses that occurred years ago. I've never understood why she is so deserving of everyone's benefit of the doubt.)