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How many of your BM's kept your husbands name after divorce?

Calypso1977's picture

the name change thread got me wondering....

did the BM in your life revert back to her maiden name or does she still have your SO/fiance/DH's name?

my BM ditched my fiance's name as soon as she could. she has no issues with having a different last name now than her daughter (although i wonder someday if SD will want to change her last name to BMs due to alienation, etc.)

Sweet T's picture

The day my divorce is final ( Monday!!!) I will be taking my name back. My sons feels bad about it, although when I first brought it up he was fine. I would have kept my last name the same as his if ex's lawyer had not made it sound so dirty in all her crazy ass emails. I thought I would puke if I saw Mrs.exh again.

I can totally see though where moms want to keep the same last name as their kids.

B22S22's picture

Our BM hyphenates DH's last name with her new DH's last name. She does that because she thinks DH's name "means something" in this town.

thinkthrice's picture

BM kept Chef Boyardumb's last name right through her engagement with Stepdaddy Bigbucks. Was afraid it would "confuse her children to have a different last name." Oh boy if your children are that easily confused. . . :?

Jsmom's picture

Stupid bicth uses both her new husbands name and DH's last name. It has caused problems when going to the gym and when booking the dog at the kennel. I was kind enough to cancel her dog boarding one time when they were confused on the phone.

Exactly why I only use DH's last name for restaurant reservations....

tiny kitten's picture

BM and SO aren't divorced yet- they separated three years before I met him- but she'll be keeping the name. In fact, she gave her second spawn, to a different father, my SO's name. He never wanted to marry her. She twisted his arm because she wanted his name. See, her maiden name sounds like a part of the body often associated with love. I figure it didn't suit her because, you know, she doesn't HAVE one.
I read on an etiquette site once that, as a second wife, you shouldn't take on your spouse's surname if BM still uses it "for the kids".
I decided fuck that. Imma take his name. I can just mentally remind myself that she's a sad, pathetic woman who cares more about what people think than the fact she's keeping a name belonging to a man she hates and repeatedly cheated on, for no reason other than the fact that she's a man-hating POS.

Calypso1977's picture

I read on an etiquette site once that, as a second wife, you shouldn't take on your spouse's surname if BM still uses it "for the kids".

:?

tiny kitten's picture

Yeah, talk about nuts. Can't remember which site it was, but it must have been run by a BM Blum 3

Poodle's picture

I have to say that's precisely why I and my bios do not have my DH's name. The BM kept it for a while but that was not the issue. Whilst I did not have too many problems with my 3 skids at the time I had my first, I had that feeling that things could go wrong... and I'm so so so so glad my kids don't have the same surname as they do. It goes a long way to protect their identities from the taint...

twopines's picture

>>>I didn't view it as HIS name. It was HER name.<<<

Exactly. Why the heck do I care what her last name is. They were married, it's her name, and it has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

She kept his name so it would match the kids... I HATE having the same last name as her. For some reason I've even started getting her junk mail delivered to our house.. some how they cross referenced her name with our address!

Rags's picture

My XW immediately changed back to her maiden name. It was part of the divorce case. Because XW got snarky about it the Judge threatened to force her to have an amnio to prove absolutely that she was not pregnant before granting the divorce or restoring her maiden name. The adulterous whore got quiet real quick when his Honor smacked her with that one. She was pregnant at that time by her geriatric Fortune 500 executive Grandpa Sugar/Baby Daddy. What pissed the Judge off was that when he read that the motion for divorce included a restoration of her maiden name my adulterous whore XW commented "Yes thank God!" He found that to be low class and rude so he shredded her on the record. She lost that pregnancy but spawned with Grandpa Sugar/Baby Daddy a few months later and delivered that baby.

I implored the judge to grant the divorce and strip her of my name. He did just that after barring her toxic ass a bit then winked at me as she and her lawyer turned from the bench to return to their table.

The funny part is that Karma struck big time many years later. My XW has a fairly prominent name in that town. Her dad was a city councilman and her mom was a well known business woman and sat on the school board. Karma lightning truly struck when my XMIL was arrested by the Federal Marshals for embezzlement and fraud and was eventually convicted and sent to federal prison. The victim of her fraud sued my MIL and her whole family as she was using the money from his business to buy houses for my XW and her sibs, remodeled houses, paid their credit card bills, paid tuition for grand kids, etc.....

My XW was included in the civil suit and had to participate significantly in a $2.1Million property and cash settlement with the business owner. Geriatric Fortune Executive Grandpa Sugar/Baby Daddy/eventual DH #2 dumped her ass during the criminal and civil cases to protect his own assets. She had two of her 3 out of wedlock spawn by him before he married her.

She is now on DH#3 who fathered her 3rd out of wedlock spawn and they are living in a far less affluent part of town these days. She took DH#3's last name to get out from under the shit that her family name has become.

Some of the mutual friends that my XW and I had run in to her periodically and call me with the latest updates of her shitty life. I just put on my evil grin when I get those calls every year or so as I get ready to celebrate my next anniversary of marriage to my amazing bride. We are approaching 20 awesome years of equity partnership, adventure and success together. }:)

There is nothing like the joy of recovering your honorable name of character from a toxic and criminal X. Particularly the karma of her resumed name becoming shit in the community after she puts you through the ringer of being married to an adulterous whore.

We were long divorced when my XMIL was charged and convicted and the family was trashed in the civil suit and media. I got a call from a reporter during that time and commented anonymously about things I had witnessed that made a whole lot more sense with the information of my XMIL’s embezzlement activities.

Fortunately the 19ish years that had passed since the divorce insulated me from all of that toxic X crap.

Dizzy's picture

I kept both my married names until I married again. In fact...LOL...I've been too lazy to change legally to DH's last name...we got married in August. So, yeah, I'm walking around married to DH with my ex's last name. Oh well. Ha. I'll change it soon. I have my married last name on fb, so there's that.

BM hyphenated. She wanted to keep her maiden name because she thought it sounded unique and from her country of origin. It doesn't, I've met many Americans with the same last name. She still hyphenates. Don't know why and yes, it shouldn't bug me, but it does.

CarpeOmnia's picture

My husband's cheating ex kept his last name after their divorce. This is one of the reasons he tells friends
about why He took MY last name when we got married:)
When one of his daughters freaked out about it and said she wouldn't know what to call him...he told
her that she could just keep calling him "dad", like always...lol

PolyMom's picture

BM kept DH's name until she remarried, and then proceeded to make fun of DH's name. So there's a winner for ya. I took back my maiden name when I divorced, and will not change it again...too much of a pain. My feeling is if men don't have to change, women don't either. Now's there's talk of DH taking my name. Smile

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BM kept DH's last name even though her last spawn was with another man and has a different last name. She recently remarried (woohoo!) and uses Mr. PinHead's name.

Poodle's picture

Love Mr Pinhead's name! Must use that IRL of many people! And your wonderful quentin crsip quote.

dadsnewwife's picture

As both a BM and dh's 2nd wife, (I dont' consider myself a SM to his 3 grown sons), I do NOT understand women who keep their xdh's last name. I admit, I should have had it included in the divorce decree to change back to my maiden name (and this was after having my ex's name for 25 years!), but as I put HIM in my past, I wanted NO reminders of HIM (other than the 4 DDs we have together). My youngest was 15 at the time of our divorce, so keeping it for her wasn't it...just had so much else to deal with, I didn't think about it. Anyway, by the time I was going to change it, I'd already met dh #2 and LOVED his last name (very IRISH), I thought...well, if we get married someday, I'd just have to change it again...what a pain.

As for dh's ex, she kept his last name even though she lost custody of her kids and moved back in with her parents (this was in 1997) in a neighboring state. It DOES bug me that she still has it. I am now Mrs. DH, not HER. I see her post things on SS31's things on Facebook and I cringe. I don't know WHY it bothers me...maybe because once I divorced, I wanted no more part of my ex's ANYTHING...including his name, so don't understand why SHE does. I asked dh once why she kept his name and he told me what her maiden name was, so did I blame her?? Even my dh's xDIL took her maiden name back after she and SS31 divorced. I said, "Good for her! Smart girl!" and THEY have a 6 year old son together who has his father's last name. Guess she didn't see it as a big deal for her and her son to have different last names. Don't see the hang up for women who use the kids as an excuse to keep an ex's last name. I have a cousin who also divorced and took her maiden name back and she had 3 young children!

misSTEP's picture

DH never married BM. My DS's father never married me. So no names to keep or change.

One of BM's biggest issues with us is that DH married ME (without me even having an OOPS pregnancy...or two!) AND he bought a house with ME (he refused to get their finances so mixed up in a volatile relationship).

One of my little guilty not-taking-the-high-road-after-dealing-with-a-psycho-for-years actions was to make sure to always address any correspondence to her (or her lawyers) as MISS herlastname instead of Ms.

She FINALLY got married about 3 years ago. DH and I have been married 13 and together 15. This guy was her first longterm relationship after DH and, true to form, she got preggo to get him to marry her.

Frustratedlady's picture

When I got a divorce from my first H, I kept his last name until I remarried 6 years later. I kept my married name because my maiden name is very hard for people to pronounce and spell, I had a child still under the age of 18 with that name and I had been called by my married name for more years of my life than my maiden name. Now that I am facing divorce again, I really don't know what to do. My attorney told me I can go back to my maiden name, my former married name or keep the current name. Honestly, I am thinking of just changing it to something completely different and unrelated to anyone. What do you guys think of "Fit" or "Understood" as my possible new name? Would love to receive mail labeled MS. FIT OR MS. UNDERSTOOD Smile

misSTEP's picture

HA!

hereiam's picture

Reminds me of Phoebe on "Friends". She decided to be Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. When her husband then decided to be Crap Bag, she changed her mind.

ThirdsACharm's picture

God, this is petty. I kept my ex-husband's last name, because I wanted to have the same last name as BS. He's a piece of crap and I hate the name, but it's my baby's last name too. I got remarried and hyphenated it. So I have my son's name AND my new husband's name. And guess what? Nobody cares. Not my ex, not my new hubs, and not my ex-husbands wife. Whatever.

rahrah2019's picture

BM kept DH's last name until she got remarried (after we did). DH had me check her new hubby's criminal record before they got married. I found some stuff (shoplifting, petty theft), and kept it under my hat until that name change went through. Now had there been things that would have possibly put SS at risk, I may have thought about it a little longer.

Calypso1977's picture

a good friend of mine was married to a girl for only 10 months. for FIVE YEARS she kept his name until she married again. they had no kids...she was just plain lazy!

drove him absolutely nuts!

Mom2's picture

Divorce degree says “BM shall resume her maiden name BM Maiden.” She didn’t change it; She waited until she got married to her DH. I know she changed it, Skid accidently brought one of BM’s vital records during a visit.

But to Facebook she hyphenates it. Tells people that was her name for years and people only know her by that name. Skids say she hyphenates it to try and get under our skin. Too bad I don’t care and neither does DH.

Just J's picture

BM kept my DH's last name until she remarried. Her 2nd DH's last name is only different by one letter. Like going from Pot to Pit. She didn't even change her signature.