How long will the dishes sit in the sink??
So i have tried disengaging this weekend for the first time ever. I have ocd and it's very hard for me to not pick up messes and get after DH to have the skids pick them up. Ugh. NEver-ending battle.
The dishes have been piled in the sink for 2 days now. Every bowl and plate is dirty. There are no clean bowls for breakfast tomorrow. I want to go throw them in the dishwasher SO BAD right now, I could do it in 2 minutes, but I won't. I'll stand my ground. It's either me or the DH who will do the dishes.
When DH does the dishes, he expects me to say, "honey! you did the dishes? oh thank you so much! you are the most amazing husband ever!" But when I do the dishes, it's expected. I get a lecture if I don't do them.
I told DH i was going to try this new technique this weekend and I just hoped that it would go over well. I'm not nagging and I'm going to ignore the messes this weekend. Probably not the best weekend to test it out, we have them an extra night (Monday night). Not cool.
He's finally doing them. But
He's finally doing them. But he's pissed off.
He came back from shopping and said he'd cook dinner if i'd do the dishes. I said i had been waiting for him to do them....
I bet $20 it will turn into an all-nighter "discussion". Can't wait. He's not talking to me right now.
That's ridiculous. He sounds
That's ridiculous. He sounds like a damn baby. You aren't his maid or his kids maid for that matter. I NEVER clean up after DH's kids. And if things aren't cleaned up I will 'nag' and make it get done. I'll be damned if my house is a mess because of DH's kids... Or even DH. Women are not slaves and men are not helpless!
He said, "I've done
He said, "I've done everything this weekend, i'm just asking for you to pitch in 20%." I asked him what he did before I was around when the kids came over? And his response was that it's divided between us now that we're together.
Ugh.
I don't understand how he doesn't get that i do this 100% the entire time his 4 children aren't here, but he's not working this weekend. His weekend should include the clean-up too. It's so frusterating that I'm the bad guy when I try to put my foot down. He just totally put me on a guilt trip that he had to take the kids snowboarding today, go buy the groceries, hang out with the kids, give them baths for school tomorrow, AND do the dishes.
I do all that for my daughter when the kids ARENT here. Why do i have to do it for them too? I dont even like them....
And you guys have a
And you guys have a dishwasher and hes cryin about havin to load them in there?! I would kill for one lol moved back in my moms house and she doesnt have one, but my apt did! The small things you take for granted... Hope he doesnt turn it into an all nighter discussion, my H is good at doing that as well!
I got you beat..lol..I have
I got you beat..lol..I have an 18yo SS who leaves such huge messes it's unreal. And he cries to Mommy when he gets his ass ripped for having to do them.
He does no laundry and wears dirty clothes.
I've seen him leave almost every dish we own in his room covered in food - I let it all go and don't say a word. When DH finally realizes it's all downstairs..then the shit hits the fan.
Then of course, SS whines to Mommy that Daddy yelled at him...and she threatens us that her son better be treated better or else!!
Bullshit. If lazy ass doesn't clean..then it's all let go.
I refuse to do anything for a grown man. He's in high school as a junior..another year to go. Not my fault he's an idiot. A lazy idiot.
If Mommy is so concerned for her son to have his shit cleaned, then he can go live with her and go to high school until he's 20.
Whatever.
If I waited for DH or skids
If I waited for DH or skids to do the dishes, the dishes would probably grow legs and jump into the dishwasher themselves!
You have 8,9,11 and 13 yo
You have 8,9,11 and 13 yo SKids, what's wrong with teaching them how to do the dishes, then neither of you have to do them or discuss it! Even dd6 can wipe the table after each meal and be in charge of putting the salt and pepper away.
I like a clean house just as
I like a clean house just as much as any other person but I go to school and come home from work and clean and make sure dinner is on the table. When my DH was home sick nothing got done no dinner no dishes no nothing. But when I got sick I still had to do dishes make dinner. So by the end of the week I was exausted and still sick so I literally quit. I let the dishes pile up for 3 days didnt touch them finally he did them on sunday, I even ate stuff i could microwave and put on a paper plate just to avoid doing the dishes so he would step up. He finally did.
i've tried to have him make
i've tried to have him make them do chores, but since they're only here 2 1/2 days every other week, it doesn't get followed through on. so stupid.
They found dirty dishes in a
They found dirty dishes in a kitchen sink in Pompei after over a thousand years. I think your dishes will be in the sink for a while.
I would buy yourself a supply of paper dishes/bowls and plastic utensils for your own use and let the crap continue to pile up until your DH forces the SKids to do some chores.
My SS-18 knows that he has to do his chores or his mom and I will be on his ass. He has struggled with chores since he was 8-10yrs old.
He still procrastinates but either they are done by 5:00PM or he does them with us chewing his ass after we get home. He is learning ....... slowly ....... but he is learning.
The kitchen is his main chore and seems to be the one he struggles with the most.
Hang in there.
Good luck with this one, the
Good luck with this one, the battle is all too familiar, and if this works for you pat yourself on the back seriously. We are a family of 7....his, mine and ours, all lived with us, thank goodness only one child left at home now. If the kids didn't do their own dishes, clean up their cooking mess by the time they were like about jr high (I had been telling them for years) I would put the dirty dishes in the kids' beds. After that happened one time, none of them ever did it again.
I too like my house clean and tidy and no one else in the house sees any importance, I also don't think anyone else thinks it's their responsibility either.
My issue has been cooking......I have been cooking meals for over 30 years. When all the kids were in the house the burden fell on my shoulders to take care of dinner nightly for 7 people, and we could not afford to go out often. I tried to get my husband to take on one meal a week, he woudl start, make excuses and soon I was back to the cook. From about April - Dec this past year we had a steady stream of company, one of my adult daughters came back home to visit with her son for 2 months......again all the meals prepared by me.
I noticed I was getting angry every time I thought about meal time, didn't want to cook, didn't like what I cooked. So, I finally one night last week thru some frozen stuff in the oven set it out and told my daughter and husband I was going out to eat and left. When I got back my husband asked me what was going on. I told him that I was not the house cook and I was tired of everyone thinking I was. I told him that if I did not want to cook I will not cook, this is not my job. I told him that he and our teen daughtr were both capable of fixing themselves something.
Now, I have to stick to that and not sway.
So there's a couple ideas for you that worked for me.
I do about 98% of all the
I do about 98% of all the cooking. But, that is because I love it. As for the cleaning, I walk out of the room after and leave it for DH. I started saying I cook you clean. It is not bad, since I clean as I go. But, I never liked that part. But, it has definitely worked for me. SS has two chores and that works for us. BS has more, but he is here 100%, SS 50%. It works. We do expect them to clean up after themselves.
Just do what you like and leave the rest for DH when his kids are there. Take your power back. Sounds like you have made a good start and sounds like he is getting frustrated. It usually starts that way and then it does get better.