How do I get SD to stop telling me how to raise my daughter?!
Forums:
My SD is 5, will be 6 in August. My BD is 18 months old. She doesn't talk yet.
Whenever she is over, she CONSTANTLY says stuff like:
You need to change K's diaper.
K wants more food.
K needs to have her nose/face wiped
I think you need to give her a snack.
K told me that she wants XYZ for a snack.
K is thirsty.
K wants to play with XYZ toy.
No, no! K wants to play with XYZ toy THIS way.
It seriously pisses me off. I've told her that she needs to worry about her and her behavior, and not worry about her sister. I've tried explaining that K has a mommy and a daddy that are both perfectly capable of taking care of her.. And yet she relentlessly tells me how to care for my baby. How do I make it stop?!
She wants to feel important
She wants to feel important and part of the crowd. As your daughter is not talking and the only person closest to her age is SD she wants to 'fill in the gaps' for you.
I would tell her "Oh thanks!" And find LOTS of little tasks for SD to do. Admire her work and tell her how helpful she is. Then get her into some craft activity that is age appropriate and let her rip.
This would drive me nuts,
This would drive me nuts, too, and I'd be tempted to send her to her room so I could get some peace but I think the first posters are right. If you involve her now and enlist her help she will be a million time better down the road. I like the suggestion of asking "Oh, did you smell something?" and the idea of sending her off to do independent activities. Maybe even asking "what do you think DD would like for lunch? Just stupid engaging questions to keep her from being so bossy and putting you on edge.
Good luck to you; you must be exhausted!
"SD, your not the mom, BD/BS
"SD, your not the mom, BD/BS is my child not yours. Stop it" If it happens again too soon I send SD away. But to punish SD the very best thing we can do is send her away from the family activies. It crushes her." Wow that sounds harsh. I don't understand how her wanting to help is cause for punishment. I guess I missed something here. She is not competing with you to be the mom, she just wants to feel involved and important I think.
At least the SD5 is saying
At least the SD5 is saying things that she THINKS will be helful, and is not hitting the baby or other anti-social behaviour. Try not to let it get to you too much. Give the SD small tasks to help with the baby's care. I think this phase will probably come to and end when BD starts talking.
I know it can be annoying,
I know it can be annoying, but like PP said, I think she just wants to be included, and it trying to be helpful. You are the mom and thus have final say, but try to include the steps, or find something constructive for them to do. It builds self esteem and teaches empathy. You don't want them to learn being helpful is a bad thing do you?
I agree - she is trying to
I agree - she is trying to help and wants to be involved. She is only 5 and cannot express herself as well as an adult. I think it's great that she loves her sibling and wants to help (in her own way). It can be annoying since she sounds bossy, but asking questions might work. What do you think baby would like to do now? Or is baby hungry? etc. It will help build her confidence and self-esteem which is very important at this stage in her young life.
At 5, her imagination is
At 5, her imagination is vivid...she's just wanting to be the "big sister". Have fun with it....there will soon come a time when she wants nothing to do with the baby....that's a bummer.
At 5, it's kinda cute....at 19, it's NOT! My SD19, a freshman in college, suddenly knows everything there is to know about child-rearing. She tells me constantly, "Nat watches too much TV....you let her eat too much candy...she doesn't need to stay up past nine...you need to _______.....blah, blah, blah." I finally told her she can use all of her newfound wisdom on her own children when she has them. Her whole motive in supposedly wanting to "spend every second I can" with little sister this summer is to undo everything we are doing wrong as parents. Makes me want to pull my hair out....or hers! I told her (SD) to feel free to stay at her biomom's for the entire summer, since she's so damn vested in making sure she's(BM) happy. Besides, little sister doesn't need to be criticized all summer long, and neither do I!
OK...vent over. Sorry to hijack your thread!
That sounds pretty normal for
That sounds pretty normal for any five year old with a little sibling. She is looking for a way to be a part of your toddler's life. Let her help you, tell her to grab a pamper when you are changing baby, have her hand the sipy cup to BD or put sippy cup in the sink when BD is done drinking, just little things that can make her feel big. It could be worse. My sister's middle daughter was so jealous of her baby sister that she refused to acknowledge she exsisted unless she was smacking her, or taking things from her, or crying like an infant and demanding that she was the baby and my sister needed to take care of her and not the other baby. It was awful for a long time before she got over it.
I know she just wants
I know she just wants attention, but I just want to pay attention to my baby.. and feed her. Without somebody interrupting me and telling me that I'm feeding her wrong. Or playing with her wrong, or with the wrong toy. It drives me nuts. She does this to older kids who can talk, too. She has a 4yo friend that comes to play sometimes, and she is always telling me what her friend wants.
Sounds like you have a
Sounds like you have a natural-born leader on your hands! While it can be tough when they are little, it will be so much better than having a follower on your hands when she's a teenager! Trust me, we've had both....ugh!