Welcome to the site! I hope it helps you as much as it has helped so many of us here. The whole thing is that you are a SM. Skids BM sounds like a pain in the rear, but I think it's a blessing that she isn't there...day to day. It could allow you to have an almost normal home life without her in your day to day business. Without trying to sound mean (I promise...I am not trying to be rude), the fact that you are pregnant...maybe the pregnancy hormones are making things a little more difficult on you. Maybe once the sweet baby comes into the world, you will feel better about the skids being there. On a personal note...my own BD has just welcomed her half brother into the world earlier this year. (BD's dad and new wife had a son together.) It's amazing to see her love for her brother and just how much she adores him. The sad part is that he lives 5 hours away, so she doesn't get to see him that often and that breaks her heart. The point of all that is this sweet baby will be the skids (half) sister. That's a bond that needs to be nurtured and encouraged. It may even help your feelings towards your skids once you see them all together.

The BM's attitude towards you may never change, but it is possible that the skids will come into line with you in their life.

And I agree with the one day a week for just you and DH. That will ALWAYS be an important thing...the two of you MUST have some alone time. Date night, or date day...whatever. Schedule it in and make it more important than breathing!!!! Another important thing is always communication! I know it's hard to voice your feelings sometimes (my exH used to make me explain why I thought I deserved an apology if he hurt my feelings, or would tell me I was stupid for saying or feeling certain things, so I TOTALLY understand being a little shy to voice feelings or concerns). You love this man, so try to give him the benefit of the doubt and just let him know "Hey dear husband o' mine, can you please take the kids to the park while I have a nap". You will have to communicate when dear baby comes, so you really need to feel free to talk to him about his other kids, too.

It's probably going to be rough going and I can only hope and pray that things work out for you. Good luck with the arrival of your little bundle of joy and stay strong!!

Thank you for posting this - I feel very much the same, and I am a noncustodial SF with a SD and two SS and no children of my own. I love my wife very very much, and she has truly changed my life for the better.

However, when I have to drop everything to be around when they visit, pay the child support (DW is in nursing school), pay for B-day and Christmas presents, pay for medical insurance; not to mention the constant warfare with the jerk BM/Spermidiot - this isn't the life I signed up for. To give so much effort and then to be ignored or insulted (and they are only 8 and 4!) every time they visit - it is too much sometimes.

It seems like we have a fight every Friday before they come to visit, and every Sunday night after they leave (and there are also fights when they are here). Aside from that - we are happy.

We want to start our own family, and I keep thinking to myself that once we have children, then I can stop worrying about these Skids, and they can stay with there BF forever, unless they choose to live with us.

Anyway - I feel so much for you. You would think it would be easier for me since we don't have custody, but it is just about impossible to develop a relationship, let alone try and be a parent for 48 hours every other week.

Thank goodness for this site - I am not alone!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a son with my hubby who is now 8 months old. I found that my resentment for the Skids didn't really get to a toxic level until AFTER he was born.

This morning was a perfect example. Hubby had to pick up SS11 after school yesterday and he spent the night last night. Now on a normal morning, I get up, get myself and our infant son around and out the door with no help from hubby. Honestly on most days this is fine, as baby is good and usually either sleeps til about half hour before I need to go, or if he is up he'll watch baby Einstein while I am getting ready. So it's not that I NEED hubby's help so I don't mind that he gets his sleep.

But when SS is there, hubby is up and getting him breakfast, getting his clothes around for him, drives him to school (he could very well take the bus, but hubby says he does not mind taking him) and I friggin resent that he can do all of this for precious SS but can't be bothered to get up with me and baby ever? Ok, so this is the bratty side of me coming out!

Then I think about it and the rational side of me says, OK, I shouldn't be complaining because hubby is getting up and getting SS around, at least he's not expecting that I will do it for him, and he can't just leave an 11 year old to do everything on his own I guess.

I guess what I am trying to say that may be of help to you is that when you are having those feelings of resentment (and trust me I have them ALOT!!!) I try to look at it from hubby's side and what I would do if I were in his shoes, and usually I think I would be doing exactly what he IS doing. (unless it's bending over for BM!)

I think you have it worse than I do as NOT ONE DIME of the money that I earn goes to Skids. Hubby has never asked and I have never offered (don't get me wrong, if they are with me at the store and want a candy bar or something I buy it for them) but to pay for camps, school clothes etc. I feel that is NOT my responsibility as SM, that is Hubby and BM's responsibility.

I can see where your resentment would be building feeling like your BD is going to have to do without things because of Skids and I would suggest that you get some counseling or continue to come here and vent or find someone that you feel comfortable talking to about it. Again I can tell you from my experience that I think you may find your feelings of resentment escalating AFTER your daughter is born and for your own sanity and your BD and Hubby's sake you should be prepared to handle those emotions (and hormones!!)

good luck with your new baby, she'll be here before you know it!!!

I am a NCSM and I just wanted to say that you are not alone! I also think my resentment got worse once my first baby was born. Things have calmed down a bit but are not great by far. I try to let things slide and roll of my back but sometimes it's so hard. I also am trying not to be so controlling and try to pick my battles.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, this is a time you should be enjoying the anticipation of your first child. You really are entitled to enjoy that !

I think the suggestion to take one day a week to yourself, or with DH, is a great one. I know even when I had my second child I made other childcare arrangement for my oldest to be out of the house a few days a week so that I could bond one on one with my newest addition.

Maybe you just need to remind your DH gently that this is a big life event for you and ask his help to arrange some skid-free time so that you can properly enjoy your first baby.

In any case congrats !

I think that the resentment is to be expected. First of all, you are pregnant. I think any woman who has ever been pregnant will agree that it messes with your hormones/emotions.

Secondly, this is YOUR first child but not your DH's. Even if it is only subconsciously, this will bother most people. You are having a bunch of firsts, on your own because they aren't DH's firsts. However, this is his first with YOU.

Thirdly, I think any mother is going to have that instinct of wanting to protect their brood and provide for them. The chances of this diminishes when you have someone else's brood that you have to provide for.

I agree that your DH probably wouldn't understand where you are coming from. That's why it is great to have a site like this where you can come and vent!

BTW, congrats on your little girl!

Is your dream BM would just be with skids 1/2 the time? That's mine. Apparently that's asking way too much as a SM though. My DH had joint custody for 8 years and then married me. Immediately she went on 1 month vacation & never resumed custody, but just collects the CS. I hope it goes back - b.c. skids worship BM (why I don't know!) and I love my time w/o them.

I have had this conversation with my DH concerning his daughter, when we talk about having OUR own first child together. It looks like you are feeling just as I suspect I may as well.

I don't blame you for being upset....If there is all this attention going towards the SS and not your child together, it would rub anyone the wrong way I think. It's hard when someone has experienced parenthood with someone else besides you, while you have waited to have your first with him....I share the feelings of resentment with you! And when you are dealing with SK from time to time you can't help but think, why the heck did I wait if this is what I'm dealing with? I know that it makes me feel like it kind of takes the specialness out of it.

Good luck and congrats on the baby!