It's not a punishment, it's a new found lifestyle/religion whatever BM has decided to take up which includes celebrating No holidays to any extent. DH decided to have them for xmas last month. I told him how strapped we were for the month and that it was last minute but he assured me we would make it work. They've got up at around 6am every morning the last week and DH just sleeps through it all refusing to get up. Since last Friday when he got them I'm averaging a total of 4 hours of sleep per night if I'm lucky, with the holidays, guests, dinners and their non stop go go do whatever they feel attitude I'm finding getting gifts wrapped daunting and end up staying up late to do it. It also suffer from insomnia. It's just not good,

And DH wants full custody of his kids! Granted they are in a bad situation at their mothers but based on how this week has played out I've asked DH more than once if this is something he really wants to pursue, can he handle this BS each and everyday? He just says I believe together we can turn them around. I told him I doubt it, they are almost teenagers and getting custody isn't all cut and dry, it will take years. He is adamant he still wants to pursue custody, told him that was fine as long as he understands more likely than not it will cost him his marriage if this bs behaviour continues with them.

My mother was here last night and was upset when DH got the kids hyped about opening some gifts from our neighbours. I said no to wait for xmas morning, he did it anyways and when he brought the bag up his son went crazy about gifts gifts gifts, DH teased and said there was nothing in the bag for him, all the kids knew he was joking except ss12 who had a fit, started whining and stomping, the look on my mothers face omg. I said holy hell no jokes allowed, it's not all about the freegan gifts! DH didn't even address it!

It's like he's attributing the bad behaviour to how crappy BM is and maybe that's true but letting them away with it only makes it worse. He does address some things but it's like he gets sick of repeating himself and half way through the day gives up. I'm at a loss, I've had a few arguments with him about it while they've been here but he doesn't really seem to listen, I feel like I'm talking to the wall.

I plan on speaking to him today again about returning that gift. Tough if he doesn't like it but I'll atleast warn him I'm doing it first.

Nah, they don't know what's going on "behind the scenes". But hey I perceive it as ungrateful or selfish when they behave badly, are warned, are talked to, are asked nicely to behave, be patient and they ignore, continue to have temper tantrums, use bad language, physically abuse the others but all they can talk about is xmas morning and getting their gifts. I'm talking mostly about ss12 here like I mentioned above. Had very few issues with sd10. DH says she's confused?

Not entirely sure how I have an "ego" about me? As stated I have no one to talk to about this. No I do not display my feelings towards the matter infront of any of the kids, they know nothing about how I feel, only DH and you guys know. The rest of your advice for very helpful tho, thank you!

Thank you for your advice and the laugh, the scrotum comment will have me laughing all day.

Oddly and surprisingly I spoke to DH about the gift and he admitted he pressured me into buying it (although he says it wasn't his intention) and ultimately it wasn't needed nor in the budget, he agreed ss12 behaviour has been taxing, out of hand and that returning the gift would most likely have no impact on what the child is being given because he hadn't asked for it in the first place and offered to return it himself. It threw me because I had discussed returning it before and he was totally not down with it, now it's okay? I'm not sure what changed his mind but whatever at least I can buy some more groceries and not have to worry about ss12 throwing the tablet at the wall tomorrow when he has a fit over something (he did that before with the Nintendo dsxl we bought him a couple years back).

Sue, thank you for clarifying. I understand now what you mean. Sure they don't know how hopeful I was, or everything I did or envisioned what Christmas could be like, I realize now it was totally unrealistic of me to think it could all go smoothly and happy. Yes the children are def troubled however it's been 6 years and little has changed, honestly I think I'm more annoyed with DH for letting them away with so much, he does give them trouble but usually it's soft and empty threats, they know he's not serious so they continue. They are in an abusive situation and their mothers and I feel terrible for them. The problems lay mostly with ss12 as I've already stated, I'm always thinking about the kids, I hardly ever buy myself things, after bills etc is done my money is spent on the kids, my kids are always very thankful and appreciative so I guess I just thought his kids would be too and because so far it's come across as the opposite, I am feeling unappreciated by them, they knew their mother wasn't doing anything for them, I guess I was silly to assume they'd notice and enjoy all we had done. I don't think I'm wrong for feeling unappreciated at the moment, many people in this situation would I'm sure. No child is perfect but yeah it stings to spend an entire pay check on xmas for them to get screaming, tantrums, yelling to go home and bad behaviour in return. They will never know I felt that way tho and anytime I'm upset or overwhelmed by something DH always gets mad if it was the kids that caused it. I always tell him not to tell them, I don't act upset around them anyways.

DH says he did speak to SS12 about his actions infront of everyone last night over the gifts but to be honest I'm not sure he really did or if it was just a simple "stop that" cause I was there and never seen him speak to him but whatever.

Ultimately I just hope they all have a good xmas tomorrow, cause they all deserve that and it was always my goal to give that to them. I understand it doesn't really matter what kind of day I have.

I am worried about my kids and pets! It's like walking on egg shells when ss12 is here. You never see it coming either then bang he kicks my 3 pound dog! He's abused the animals and my 5 year old on multiple occasions and DH gets mad sure, gives him shit a bit then that's that until next time. I've already told him my concerns about his son in particular and that it worries me if he were to get custody. However I'm not totally worried because getting custody isn't cut and dry, it's not easy and it will drag on prob for a few years at least and by that point they will most likely not want to live with him anyways. Matter of fact I don't even think they want to now. They are clearly abused and they choose to protect their abuser always. Do I wish that life for them? No. Do I think we could better provide for them? Yes. But this entire week has opened my eyes to many different things. We have minimal problems with SD10, it's SS12 that's the main issue and if I feel just one week is hard what would 24/7 do to my children and myself? It's not fair to my kids. My oldest has stated she's moving into a box if SS12 moves in. After all the bs I've dealt with this week maybe I'll move into the box with her?

Anyways Christmas was fine. Taking that tablet back had no effect just like I knew it wouldn't, it wasn't something he asked for. This morning was happy with minimal issues except for SS12 flipping out because there wasn't a gift in his hand at all times. Like serious bitching and whining because DH wasn't quick enough to give him his gifts because that's all he flipping cares about. Then we went to my mothers where DH warned him outside the house about being polite, respectful and appreciative for anything he got there. Again he also flipped out because my 5 year old was given a train set and there were no more gifts for him. That's the 4th time in the last 3 days he's pulled that stunt. I don't understand? Why is he acting like that? If he was with BM he wouldn't have even got a stocking let alone gifts. I tried to make it special for him and enjoyable and I guess it wasn't good enough. Oh well, the other 5 kiddos were great!

Tommar, don't make assumptions, if you are going to comment on posts, particularly my posts READ them, I also invite you to read up on any past posts I have made (there aren't many), I did NOT tell him to leave those kids with mom, matter of fact I AM THE ONE that convinced him to get cps involved and got him to get a lawyer to get those kids out of there! For Christ sakes I'm no monster BM's piece of trash bf tried to "kill" my step daughter, yeah, he tried to suffocate her. Am I concerned it could damage my already not perfect marriage? You bet I am but hey I'm not the only one that's ever felt that way and even still I am willing to give it a go to give those kids a safe and happy home. It's not even the kids being here that make me think my marriage could end, it's the fact DH has zero patience when it comes to the ones already in this house, I'm afraid two more will make him worse..... He has issues he needs to work on and I've begged him for years to no avail. He gets pissed with the kids and takes it out on me. My hope is that if those kids were with us things will settle, be better for them, be better for everyone. I'd be a liar to say I don't have fears too tho. Maybe you misconstrued what I said? Or maybe I wasn't clear but it's a sensitive subject for sure. It pisses me off cps is sitting on their asses doing nothing, leaving those kids there when they know they aren't safe and have stated they should be with us.

DisneyFan, I told DH to just keep them, not send them back but cps told him he can't do that? That he'd be charged if he didn't return them and he has to go through the courts, which he has started and retained a lawyer, seems like it's all moving very slow to me tho. Or maybe I'm just impatient? It freaks me out to send them back there not knowing how they are being treated.

I can deal with ss12 behaviour, I never blow my top matter of fact cps has told me I'm "too passive" but I thought this was a place to vent, I see dozens of forum posts here of people in the same or sadly worse situations, I have no one else to vent to except DH and concidering some other stuff I see posted here "my posts" are quite vanilla in comparison.

Anyways, thank you to everyone who provided me with constructive advice I also hope everyone here had a wonderful holiday. May 2016 bring us all less stressful times.