21 years of dealing with exes, steps, inlaws and what gest me is how the blood family (BD, BM, aunts, etc) can look at a situation and not think there is any importance to address it. I was the main parent to my SSs who husband had custody of and the little stuff like homework and setting the table were not issues

If however a subject that I felt was more serious would arise like SSs stealing then I would first see what husband felt to make sure we were on the same page, we'd talk and we'd agree on a way to approach the situation but then husband would not come thru on his part so I ended up picking and choosing what to handle myself and the subjects I took on were stealing, fire setting in the house, porn in the home and girl/boy sleep overs.

Can you beleive though that BM and BD thought I had jumped to conclusions on the fire their son set in the hosue and excused his actions? Oh and it didn't matter what the rules of the house were with SSs (they only applied to my daughters) when it came to porn and husband told son to leave his stuff in his car, what? When I made an appt for son who was stealing (same one who set fire) husband felt we had ahandled the sitaution and he felt no reason for counseling.....amazing how couselor felt these were serious issues that needed to be addressed further.

After all of this, the craziness with BM who would not for the life of her work with us and everything else that had happened, SSs grown and gone (one was asked to leave because of his aggressive behavior in the home and inability to follow the rules) I was then told by my daughters that both SSs had molested them. 15 years into the family sitaution, after the fact I learn this.

15 years of supression came up like you could never imagine. My head spinning, it took me forever to deal with, husband and I teetered on divorce for years. I wanted accountability, I wanted justice for my daughters. It got real ugly. BM called us liars, SIL said I was favoring and drew conclusions without the facts, etc. Older boy who had done most the damage moved in with his BM (he was like 24 at the time) and left no contact info, husband would not find him to speak with him and said he would make no judgement on this til he spoke to his son. I dealt with this for 2 years with no confession and no apology, knowing my daughters were telling the truth.

I emtionally squeezed my SS's head with a vise and he finally confessed but then inlaws and BM felt I had done SS wrong on the way I went about getting the confession.....really? And if they had been in my shoes, dealing with my sitaution what would they have done themselves? When SS confessed he then said my daughtere started it (wherther she did or not who knows) but that's all the family needed to know. After that I was shunned in every family function so I finally had to disconnect.

My husband tries to drag me back in from time to time but I remain disconnected.

Husband's younger sister (not the one that gave me trouble, this one was retarded and as nice as can be) collaped in the hospital this past week and died, she was 45. The sister lived in an assisted living program and no one, including herself knew she had lukemia. She was a silent part of the family, communication was hard as she was disabled it was like someone with Downs Syndrome. SIL in law who gave me so much grief a was the ring leader in banning from the family tells the family that her sister told her she wanted to be creamated.

I work with children and there is no way retarded SIL would have ever knowingly expressed wanting to be creamated but I can't say anything. So I started questioning it trying to get my husband to think about it as I don't think the conversation ever took place. My husband tells me it would be real awful if his sister was making her own judgement on this without really knowing what their sister wanted. I was silent.

So I just do not get it. How are the bio parents and their family so blind? How do they allow such ugly behavior from the childrena nd expect us to do the same? I sat and talked with husband so many times asking him if we were on the same page as far as values, right & wrong, punishment, rules etc and yet when it came down to it,it was a waste of my time because I wasn't heard. The boys were allowed to do as they pleased and they knew they had the bio family to stand behind them.

It boggles my mind to think of what these kids got away with.