I used to have an amazing sex life with FH. I can truly say that it was the best sex of my life. But the combination of the children's presence (we found out that once they actually stood outside our bedroom and listened to us - ewwww!), the fighting over them and my lessening of respect for FH at allowing himself to be constantly pushed around by a bunch of kids and a woman he despises, my desire for him has lessened. I love him more than I ever thought possible but the chaos caused by the kids and BM is coming close to destroying us.

I would move heaven and earth to have it back. I can't believe we have gone through so much only to come to this point. What a horrible waste of a beautiful love with so much potential!!!! My heart is breaking and I have never felt so lost and lonely.

I think we've both had to become a bit more flexible about the sex situation. In the beginning, I'd freak out if they were awake. When SS2 was younger, it was pretty much a nightmare because he'd have a full blown panic attack if DH left his sight.

So, what do we do now?

We go to the room, lock the door, turn on the fan in the master bathroom (for noise). At some point the kids will come and bang on the door, and DH will tell them that whatever it is they want they can wait.

If SS2 (three in a week) has to pee, then he'll yell about having to pee and we have to try again later. If not, the kids will usually go back to the living room and find some way to entertain themselves for a while.

It is obviously not ideal. And not as romantic. But I think keeping a consistent sexual relationship is more important than having perfect romantic sex less often.

I think it will get better the older the kids get. That's what I hope anyway. I understand the 5 year old needing things sometimes, but I think you should put some real boundaries down for the older kids. Whatever it is they need, it can wait.

Kick them all out for a few hours. The teens can take the 5 year old to movies, a park, Chuck E Cheese, Mcdonald's...

Give them some cash and show them the door.

Sex is an important part of our relationship. I make sure that is is a high priority. We have SD EOWeek so we have plenty of time when she isn't home. But the week she is home she has a bedtime and I make sure it is enforced. Once she goes to bed she doesn't get up she is a heavy sleeper. Oh and she learned real quick not to come barging in our room when the door is shut early in the morning.

We wait until the kids go to bed. I make everyone go to bed at 9pm. Sometimes BD3 likes to get out of bed and wander around the house so we have to definitely lock the door and pray she goes away!! The one thing that sucks is SD15's bedroom is directly below ours and she likes to comment to us all the time that she can hear us if we are on the phone so god only knows what this kid hears!!

As far as date nights, we don't get them too often mostly because of him working all the time. We own a company so DH kills himself 7 days a week but we try about once a month to go out. We usually get the girl across the street to come and we go to dinner and a movie or something. We are not late night people so we are always home by 8 or 9. It works out good that most weekends SD15 is either sleeping at a friends house or sometimes she stays with BM for the weekend so its easier. We do not allow her to watch DD10 or BD3 because she is really mean and immature.

The way our house is, the kids bedrooms are downstairs and our bedroom is upstairs so we are far away from them and DD10 sleeps like a rock so its just BD3 we have to worry about.

Oh yeah and we have 2 pugs. They are more of a problem than the freakin kids. They like to stare at us. It makes me laugh and kills the moment. The more I try not to laugh the worse it is!! If we kick them out of the room they break into the kids rooms and wake them up. Then we have everyone outside our door!!

I think a sexually frustrated couple can be pretty inventive at times! We have done the early bed time...just to have her scream for her father every 5 minutes (those calls go ignored). Invest in a lock for your door and strictly enforce the knocking before you enter rule. She is not allowed to even think about waking us up in the morning until a certain time (gives room for morning sex and serenity before the madness begins) so she just sits and reads or plays with the cats. We have had to use the TV as a babysitter, "ummm...daddy and I need to talk for a few minutes". Become one with the quickie. We have had to lock ourselves in the laundry room! Find a hiding spot in the house. Schedule date nights and be purposeful during that time as you don't want to give up completely on the idea of romantic sex...it's just not always practical. DH and I don't have kids of our own (unfortunately) and if we want a sex life, I'm starting to think we shouldn't have kids. When SD is around, it definitely comes to a screeching halt. Yet, I am not one that can just not have sex....not gonna happen. It kind of makes me feel like a teenager again, sneaking around for some alone time. If you want it bad enough, you will think of ways to get it. Even if it is just sex, it's still important to keep intimacy in your life. Intimacy is a glue and you guys have to put yourselves first (not suggesting you do nothing but screw and ignore the kids), but a healthy relationship and happy parents are healthier for the kids.

Frankly, this is why I'll never have children of my own with SO. He has one daughter, 5, and we get her every Thursday and eow. We have sex when she isn't here... we also have sex when she's asleep. Any more than one kid in the picture, though, and I'm pretty sure it's a universal fact that you can kiss your sex life goodbye.

When skids were about, we used to make love in the shower with the bathroom door bolted. If they came whining to the door he'd tell them he was in the shower and they'd have to wait. When skids were young, they were so clingy and attention seeking they couldn't bear for him to be out of their sight and it was sooooo annoying. He was very good at enforcing rules about bedtimes and not disturbing us too early in a morning, so we did have kid-free time in an evening, and he soon got them out of the habit of disturbing us through the night by firmly sending them back to their own beds. It's more difficult with teens as you can't just send them to bed at 8pm, so your only option there would be to get the 5 year old to bed, go to bed yourself (tell them you're going to bed early to watch a film or something), lock the door and put on some loud music so they don't hear you. I think you need some kind of strict rules about not banging on your door and disturbing you. They're teenagers not babies, and they should learn to respect adults privacy. Even a 5 year old can watch TV or play on xbox or something for a while to amuse themselves, so why do teens need to be disturbing you so much? You could always give them money to go out somewhere for the evening if you're desperate to get rid of them. It is hard when you have kids of different ages - we had my bd who was in her teens and dh's kids who were much younger, so once the younger ones were in bed we had teenage bd who wanted to stay up till all hours and the only way to get privacy was to go to bed and leave her up by herself. At least she never came knocking on our door, and the younger ones learnt not to do that unless someone was ill, hurt or there was some other kind of emergency.

SO and I have 6 kids altogether... my 3 are here full time. I have a 4 yr old that is a nightmare to get to bed right now (phase) so sometimes it's tough, but we find a way LOL... usually daily.. at least 4-5 times a week.

We have SS5 and our BD2. When kids are under 5-it does seem as if your life revolves around them. It's hard for us because our BD has learned to climb in your bed- and does it often. We have SS every Thursday through Sunday.

Our sex time is limited to like once a week. Half the time because we're too tired.

Some tips that helped us:
-A good bedroom lock will go a long way
-Scheduling which day we were going to get busy (this way we both knew the kids HAD to go to bed by X time in their bed)
-Sharing a "shower"
-Movies! Set each one up with their own favorite. Every kid from age 1 will have a movie that they just sit and watch from beginning to end.
-Teenage/young adult babysitters for date night- helps the kids feel more relaxed because its more like someones just there to hang out with them.
-Grandparents also make wonderful babysitters!