Have a relationship with a guy who has a child. Child hates me now for no reason & guy blames me. Tips and tricks?
Hey folks,
I am new here at steptalk. And like many of you, I suppose, I searched a place to vent about my relationship with a guy, who has a child and hopefully exchange tips and tricks with persons who have gone to the same dramas like I am going through right now .
So now to my story( it will be a little long- I apologize in advance- but I think it is better to tell the hole story):
I am dating my boyfriend for two and a half years now. He has a child ( a girl, who is 7 ½ years old). He has joined custody of his daughter with his ex-wife. Both live in the same city two streets apart from each other (he and his ex). I myself was never married, nor did I have a child. I am still a student doing my phd.
When we started dating, we both agreed that I would only have close contact to his child if it would be a serious relationship-for the childs sake. After dating for some months, I started to have contact via skype with his child and him. The girl liked the conversations. And maybe one year into the relationship I started to go out with him and his child (not frequently-maybe once a month). We had never a problem. He told his child, that I am a friend. We never exchanges kiss or so when she was present.
After one and half year of dating I started to pass time at his home with the child ( I never stayed there overnight). But we had dinner together and then he would take me home. When I started to be more frequently a t my boyfriends house when the child was there, she started to comment that he only met with me and not other people. Then she started to through fists when he would take me home. He does everything she wants....he cancelled dates with me because his child did not want to leave the house. I have always treated his child with respect, I bought her things she wanted, I baked her a birthday cake ( one who took me 3 days to do (it was a castle with figurines)- when I had a paper for the Uni to deliever). She likes the things I gave her and accepts them, but recuses to thank me for them. I told my boyfriend that I think she is rude, because she does not thank me. He says she is shy. But I have seen her only doing that with me. Well I am really patient, I accept that his child comes first. I try not to steel his attention from his daughter when I am there. I know it is a difficult situation for the kid. But now comes the real dilemma. His ex-wife went to an African Country to work this year. They ( he and his ex) agreed that she would go first and when she be settled and have a well paid and fix job, the child would follow the next month. This was in September. Till now she is not settled, has not a fix job, and she does not know when that would be. So the child now lives with my boyfriend since September. Until September I never stayed at his home when, the child was there. But since October I started to be at his house and stay there. Some days we would dinner together (not so often). But she started to say, that I am always there. So I started to go there when the child would go to bed at ten o clock to stay a little with my boyfriend and not to take my boyfriends attention from her. One day his kids awaked in the middle of the night and wanted into his bed and he forced me to get up from bed and sleep in the guest room, so his child could sleep with him in his bed. Now she wants every time she gets up that I go to the guestroom or better that I sleep in the guestroom all the night. She mistreats me, is rude……and I have not said a word to her until two weeks ago. But two weeks ago I could not take it anymore. My boyfriend was taking me home. And I was finishing my sentence before I wanted to leave the car and she said: GO OUT OF THIS CAR NOW. And I replied : NAME,you are being rude, saying to me when I should leave. And she said: Until you are in my car you do what I want. And I want you to leave. And I replied: this your fathers car and it is not a seven year old who will be my boss. And she said to her dad: Daddy, this is my car is not it? And he to her: Yes, Darling. It is your car. Well I had bad discussion with him about this one later , because he did not tell her she was rude. He never does. His child does what she wants and he thinks she is always right, because she is a child and I am the grown one. And I am always the bad one. I have told him several times that his daughter is rude and he does not want to listen. Now she does not want that I go there. And he tries to avoid that I go to his home because his daughter does not want me there. But his daughter does not only through fists with me, but people who are there. Two/ three weeks ago he had a party at his house with some friends. And when there where only four plus his child we started playing trivial persuit. And his child went to her room crying because she wanted attention and he had to leave for over an hour to give her attention. Now she does not want that certain people are there.
He also told me, that he will leave me maybe because his daughter does not like me there although he loves me very much.
Suggestions,please. I do not know, what I should do…….
the only "trick" I would
the only "trick" I would recommend is disappearing, quick, fast and painlessly. He allows her to sleep in his bed, he deferred to her over the car issue? You got a mini wife on your hands, that will soon grow into a teenager, Split...pack up your feelings and move on and by the way I would let him know why, perhaps he may want to correct that if he wants a women in his life LIKE EVER.
Spend a couple hours reading this forum. Look for the ones that say SD better yet go read the teenage section and look for SD's in the title.
Im sorry I dont mean to sound negative Im just being honest.
Well, he said to me that I do
Well, he said to me that I do not try hard enough with his child. I should give her more attention, should play with her. And I said to him, that I think that other girls would have thrown the towel a long time ago. And that no woman will stay with him like this, if he behaves like this. That I have been very patient. Because he is his daughters bitch. I told him that already. But he things I do not try hard enough. That his child is a child and I am the grown one and have to find solutions.
You should let this man
You should let this man go.
He allows you to be mistreated and mistreats you himself. You say he loves you very much but I don't see it. He is using you for sex and for whatever else you're offering to do for him and his little brat. You can only come over after she's gone to bed and he's happy to kick you out of the bed for her? Seriously? Why are you going over there when you what will happen??
This man does not respect you, he does not love you and he is treating you badly. He has already told you that he will leave you (maybe) because his daughter doesn't like you. He has a wife already - his daughter. You are the affair he's having on the side. If his wife says stop seeing the girlfriend, man will hop to. Are you really willing to be in a relationship with a 7 year old has control over it?
Finish your PhD (and Stop putting off your assignments for a kid that isn't yours and treats you like crap!!!) and find a man that actually treats you well! Not one that undermines you, disrespects you and treats you like his piece on the side.
I would advise finding someone to talk to about why you're okay with being in a relationship where you are in last place and are willing to put your own goals and ambitions on the line to cater to people that treat you like dirt.
Yikes!! He asked you to sleep
Yikes!! He asked you to sleep in the guest bed so she could sleep with him? That is so uncalled for and not fair to you. Your boyfriend should have her respect you and if he has even said he might leave you then I agree, you should mentally prepare for what you will do if the relationship doesnt work out.
My fiance has a 5 year old daughter and she adores me but sometimes she acts out a bit more when I am watching her and when I tell my fiance he disiplines her right away and says she is always to listen to me.
Why did the BM go to an African country for work? And maybe once the daughter leaves then it wont be an issue?
Run. Run fast. Of course
Run. Run fast.
Of course this has nothing to do with you. First, the child's mom has left. HUGE adjustment. What you both should have done is not been together at all. He should have hired a babysitter and taken you out on dates. At least until the child adjusted to Mom being gone. She is starved for attention. Second, he is not disciplining her...probably because he feels sorry for her with mom being gone. This will likely not change. He will always have some excuse in his head for why he should let her behave badly, and he will always be wrong.
This situation is likely not to change. You are probably hoping that she will go live with mom, but even if she does, she is likely to return at some point. But...you have received a gift from this man. He has shown you how he is and how he will behave and where you fit on his list. Now it's your turn to make your move. You will either dismiss this bad treatment or decide you shouldn't put up with it.
*I* would not put up with it.
I think the attention this
I think the attention this child gets from everyone in his and his ex-wives family is the big issue. She has plain attention from everybody. She is the first and only grandchild, from the mothers side.And oldest grandchild from my boyfriend parents.Everyone gives her lots of attention.
Days after the car issue. The first time my boyfriend went to pick me up at home after that. I got into the car and she started: I do not want... (my name). And started whining. When we got at his doorsteps. She gave him a hugs in the car from her seat and started crying even more.So he took her in his arms. I tend to make fun of the situation to ease the situation. But nothing, after being in the car for 20 min freezing (I live in Europe- it is cold here at this time). I said to BF to that I would go inside. They stayed one more hour in the car till she fell asleep. The next day she said to her grandma (boyfriends ma) that she had to stay in the car because of me. Of course, his mother, who does not know me goes to boyfriend bitching....strange that your daughter does not like your girlfriend, your daughter likes everybody ( yes she likes everybody who gives her full attention, and to not take away to much attention from her dad).
My boyfriend does not believe in spankings in the back and so one.And she already responds to him.And her mother believes in the laissez faire education......This year they organized her birthday like she wanted, she had saying in everything.....
Well he says I should give her more attention,but I cook, treat her with respect, I do not think that I have to give her attention all the time......
Get out fast. My partner
Get out fast. My partner always said his daughter was just shy when I said she was being rude. Eight years on and nothing changed, he always, always took her side. We just split last night and I no longer have to see her face again. Yes I've lost hte relationship, but there has been so much anger and upset, I always told him it was 50% her behaviour and 50% him letting her behave that way that caused all the problems. Of course he said she never did anything wrong and it was all my fault.
Get out, especially before it gets more serious and you have your own children. Believe me it would only get worse.
Come on, you cannot be
Come on, you cannot be serious. He is going to leave you. And what, you are worried.
Not only is he treating you like crap, he is letting his child do it, and you want advice and tips to what, make this work. IT WILL NEVER WORK.
This is your life with him. If you choose to stay you are a fool.
You are young, never been married, supposedly highly educated, and yet not an ounce of common sense.
You have everything to offer (well except common sense), and what does he have to bring to the table. A brat who runs the show and she isn't even into the teenage years yet.
You have allowed him to put you in the background. In fact, in your post say YOU ACCEPT that the child comes first. Well more fool you. The child's needs by all means come first. The child's wants, no way. But anyway, you say you ACCEPT it.
You must have a pretty low opinion of yourself to think this is an okay situation.
I am serious when I say this, your self esteem is shot to pieces, if it wasn't you would never allow yourself to be treated this way. This child is making a fool of you, and he is not only allowing it, but he makes a fool of you in front of the child. How do you think this can ever work. Please, get some help for yourself. Get some counselling to help you sort out this issue you have with self worth. You are the second supposedly highly educated young woman I have come across on this site that has allowed herself to be treated like a piece of rubbish by a man who is not worth your spitting on, and a daughter who needs her backside spanked. I cannot believe you think so little of yourself.
Ring him up and tell him, I have been thinking about you saying you want to leave me and I want to say Thanks and goodbye. You would be a very, very, very, very foolish woman to stay in this situation. What does your mother say.
Well, he did not tell me he
Well, he did not tell me he wants to leave, he said when the situation does not change we must split. He thinks it is my job to try that his child likes me. And I told him, he has to step up with his child and that she is rude. What concerns the bed thing, I refused some time ago to get up of bed, so now he gets out of bed when she comes and goes to her room with her.
We are together for 2 1/2 Years and we had a really great relationship until September, when the child moved in. He was really a dream guy and we were talking to move in together after I finished my phd.
I did not have a problem with his child (except the part that she did not thank me for stuff, which he said she is shy) and she with me until she moved in to her daddys home.
Everything changed since september. She acts out now....and he deferres to her. And does what she wants..... I am asking if someone gone through the same thing, if it will change or not. And what did people who have a good relationship with their sds do, to change a rocky start with sds. And how to they sort out their problems with their better half.
Well, I must missing common sense, because I entered a relationship with a guy with a child and a ex-wife in the first place, when I do not have children myself and never was married and am young. I know that. And I battled with my conscience for a long time..... especially because my parents are catholics.Everybody has a past....
But he has for two years been a great boyfriend.Helped me through a lot, was supportive. Not now,of course...I know that. And I won´t stay in the relationship if it is suppose to continue this way. I am not a suicide or masoquist to that point. I do not want to be treated like this. And I know that it must come to an end if it does not change. So I do not have low self esteem I think...... but we are together a long time, I love him deeply, I do not want to throw the towel so soon, without trying to change something. If things do not change I have to leave I know that....I do not know If you were ever at one point where you did not know if you try harder or let go. I am at that point now.......I want to try to change something, to get my dream relationship back, if I do not get it, I will let go. The only thing we have problems in the relationship is his behaviour with his child and his child. Sadly that is a major issue.
I don't usually say this to
I don't usually say this to anyones first post, but what's your inner voice saying? It won't change cause daddy's mini wife says it won't.
Plain and simple this man has a wife your just the mistress.
I believe you already know
I believe you already know the answer to the question you've been kicking around for a while. I don't think this relationship is going to go anywhere but down for you. Your BF is mistreating you and allowing his very young child mistreat you as well.
You're in school and going for your PhD. If I were in your shoes, I would break-up with the BF and follow your dreams. There is a man out there for you, one that will treat you with love and respect. The one you're with is being ruled by the whims of a 7 year old child.
I strongly advise you to move on with your life. Make a clean break and don't look back.
Good luck!
You are dating man who is a
You are dating man who is a fucking asshole.
It doesn't get better. When
It doesn't get better. When dad's defer to their children and don't discipline their children, particularly when they disrespect the significant other present, the situation doesn't get better, it gets much much worse.
It gets worse because the kids get older, they get hormonal on top of being controlling and spoiled and entitled. She has been given power by Daddy that no child should be given. He is doing his daughter no favors at all and because he sees no issues with her behavior or his own you will be the scape goat for all future problems. Any time she is unhappy or "hates" daddy, it will become your fault.
Any time she is told no, it will be because of you. Any time she is denied, it will be because of you. If you (god forbid) have children with this man, they will be second to princess and her wants and desires. They will get short changed so that she doesn't feel any less special or any less loved. That's IF he would ever have a child with you because well now, we wouldn't SD to be unhappy now would we? I don't know if that matters to you or not, but if you want kids, you need to think about this now.
The only time this situation gets better is when Dad gets a grip and realizes that he's raising an entitled spoiled child that will become a entitled, spoiled, unproductive, disrespectful adult that will continue to run his (and your) life long after she's grown and even married.
You being affectionate and giving will not change her hatred of you. You buying and cleaning and cooking and catering will gain you no affection. She may pretend to like you to get something from you but otherwise, she will continue to disrespect and treat you badly. As she gets older the disrespect will spread. It will spread through facebook, twitter, her school. She will likely start to lie about you to her friends and her family. Eventually she may make accusations about you to the police, CPS, doctors, teachers and you could become the subject of investigation.
It doesn't get better. There is nothing YOU can do because you have no influence over this child. Dad is the one that does and he thinks she is doing nothing wrong.
He thinks you should try
He thinks you should try harder, you are the adult, she is the child. My DH was giving me that same line when his daughter was 30 and had a baby, a live in boyfriend and a home of her own. At that stage he had been giving me that line for 10 years.
He has a wife, she is 7. He needs you, well I was going to say to sleep with, but you don't even get that much do you. He gets sex, and you get booted out of the bed so he can sleep with his 7 year old nagging wife.
What a life you are choosing for yourself if you choose to stay in this relationship.
For the record he says he loves you very much. Yet he treats you like dirt. If this is his best way of loving you. You had better be gone and gone fast. This is you two not even living together. When you move in, become the wife whatever, it only gets worse, then they start to take you for granted. God help you if this is the best he can treat you. This is not love.
The problem is not the child,
The problem is not the child, the problem is your bf.
You may love him however is he making you happy? He seems very keen to tell YOU want YOU are doing wrong, however where does HE feature in your relationship problem equation?! Right on top imo.
He says he loves you. Yet he loves himself more and then his DD, you come in third if you are lucky. If he put his DD first, he would be considering the fact he would want her to be liked, respected and for her to be happy and secure. The fact is, she is becoming unlikable because daddy doesn't expect her to be nice, he enjoys her jealousy towards you as its proof that she loves him, wants to be around him and it feeds his inflated hero daddy ego. He doesn't reassure his child that love is all encompassing that is inclusive of others, he doesn't encourage her to form a healthy, loving relationship with you. Instead, knowing sd is grieving for her mother, he is nurturing her instability by refusing to put in place sensible boundaries, having no expectations of her and showing her what a happy relationship with you looks like. He doesn't try at all, because HIS needs, HIS desires are more important than anything.
Unfortunately, none of us have a magic solution to your problem. Your partner is showing you how important you are to him, his solution is for you to be miserable and to be disrespected. He does not care to fulfil YOUR relationship needs. After all, his trumps you and he WILL dress it up that its for sd's sake. He will dangle that child as a carrot to get whatever he wants and sod you.
If he loved you, if he placed you as a serious priority and wanted a future with you, he would tell sd to say thank you for your efforts, he would stop sd when she is being hideously rude to you, he would not cancel dates without a genuine reason, he would not use you and then ask you to leave him bed.
All bf is doing is creating a mini wife in sd and ensuring he has a toxic, dysfunctional and co-dependent relationship with her. Its creepy and I feel sorry for sd, who will eventually grow up to be one of those awful, whiny women who wants to be their father's wife and believe they are more precious than water and air put together.
Its a car crash waiting to happen and YOU will be the scape goat for all bf's woes. Everyone is warning you now because we all see the signs.
This guy is blaming you for his fuck ups and you are letting him.
You want to know what to do for the best? You need to love yourself more. I doubt you will listen, your fear of losing bf will likely override any advice any of us give you, however the best thing you can do is squash that emotion right down and stop giving bf what he wants from you. At least give yourself some space from him and esp sd. Stop staying over, stop making dates, be elusive, go see your friends and invest your time. money and energy into other aspects of your social life (which no doubt has taken a beating for this wonderful "catch" and his sweet daugher :sick: ). If this man will not see HE needs help and to change, if he doesn't SHOW you this (not just a promise) then he simply is not worth it and that supportive, loving bf you adore for several years has vamooshed.
I can tell your British by
I can tell your British by the way you write.
We have a saying here in America that applies to your situation- "RUN LIKE THE WIND". Don't sell yourself short. This has been set up by your boyfriend, NOT the child, to be a lose-lose situation for you. I think he wants you to vanish so he can be with his one true love, Ms. Miniwife. Good luck dear.
Well, I am not British but I
Well, I am not British but I learned British English in School :D, soo it looks british he he.
Well, I think he will not
Well, I think he will not find a single women who would be compatible with this.... and I told him sooo. But he thinks his daughter will accept me if I try harder.... or his daughter will accept the right person, or better....the right person is who his daughter accepts....
And he to her: Yes, Darling.
And he to her: Yes, Darling. It is your car
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And you stayed with this idiot after he said this? This will not get better and now you know it. You came here looking for someone to tell you how to make the kid like you. Not going to happen.
Well, after saying to my
Well, after saying to my boyfriend the things that I think he is bad parent, that his child is a spoiled one and rude , and that she trying to have himto herself and yhat no one will come in between, he talked to her and asked her if she does not like me and she answeared that she liked me a little. And then he asked about other friends of his (other female friends not girlfriends) and she said shewould not mind someof them there, but the ones who take more attention from him she does not want there. And I said to him, there you have it. And I said to him, that he wants me to change but what he was doing nothing to change things. Well, he then talked to her and asked her because she does not like that I am there. And she said to him, it is because she wants that I play with her (I do it sometimes, and she behaves in this situation, but I do not do it on a daily basis, means i do not give her full attention always). He suggested to me, better he made a deal with his daughter that I Would go there one day only to play with her (without asking me), and she said then she would let me be in the home again. He says when I try things change....What do you think? I sign of good will from his side or not?
Read over what you just
Read over what you just wrote...he is STILL giving his 7 year old power and control over an ADULT situation...HIS LIFE!!! He is a grown man, it is HIS choice who comes in HIS home and how long you stay, if you can stay overnight, etc.
You are also allowing/enabling it by just giving into what she says/suggests!
SHE said that SHE would LET
SHE said that SHE would LET you back in the home again if xyz happened??? WOW!!!!
Unbelievable!!! Before ya know it this little brat will be running the world!!!
A sign of goodwill?!!!
A sign of goodwill?!!! :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Ugh, no.
He is the adult, not the 7 yr old. His DD is behaving badly and you do NOT negotiate with anyone (including kids) who are misbehaving because all you are doing is nuturing that persons belief they are right to behave in that manner. HE gets to decide who comes into his home and car and bed. NOT the 7 yr old.
All he is doing is yet again putting the onus onto you, that you are responsible for making things better. You arent. Dont you get that?
HE has to change. He isnt.
Sorry but you are grasping at straws here and are just not listening to the red flags popping up all over the place. PLease get a grip or alternatively ignore us all and become more miserable. I can guarantee that if you remain with him.
Do you realize that he is
Do you realize that he is getting his ultimate advice about your relationship from his 7yr old daughter??? That is so sick! She rules the house, and her daddy and ALWAYS will, do not be mistaken.
Also, This guy is NOT normal. Nothing about his relationship with his daughter is anywhere near resembling normal. Things will not get better until he begins to parent his child, and, I am afraid it would take years of work just to undo the damage he has already done in this short time that her mother has been gone, and of course she would blame you for all of it.
This guy has serious issues. I would say never date a guy with kids, but, this guy takes it to the extreme! Do you realize that your case is EXTREME?? For our boards here at steptalk, your situation is extreme.
Just look at it this way, do you really want to be with a man who needs to run every decision by his 7yr old princess? Because that is what he is doing. Just by asking that child what she thinks of you, what would make her like you, who can be in the house, etc, just ASKING her that give her the POWER to take!!! Forever!! This girl is already set, her Daddy will do whatever she want's, she is the boss.
Oh, and no, your boyfriend will never find someone who accepts his lifestyle. It is pretty sick. Just wait..check back in on them in about 10 years. Daddy and Daughterwife.
It doesn't sound like the OP
It doesn't sound like the OP is willing to accept the advice she asked for and everyone offered. It doesn't mean she never will accept it - but she might not be ready to hear it right now.
Hopefully she will be ready to hear it before she does something drastic like have a kid with this loser or marry him.
Oh I am willing to accept the
Oh I am willing to accept the advice I asked for and everyone offered.And I appreciate it very much. I admitted in one of my previous posts that I will not tolerate this situation any longer if nothing changes.....I said that I will leave, although I love him....I only was insecure if I was doing something wrong, if I really have not tried hard enough. I never before was in a relationship with a guy with kids. That is the first time to me. And I do not know what is normal, what is out of lines, what to expect or not, what is necessary to such relatioinships to work or not.....It is his first relationship after his ex, he does not know what to do. He says to me he does not know what to do to make this easier. That he wants solutions to thiings work out (which he does not have for this situation....(well, spanking his daughters backside came to my mind, when she does not behave, of course and not being a looser and stand up to her , was my thought, but which I did not said). I am thinking about showing your responses to my boyfriend, and talk with him about changes, if he is not willing to change his behaviour you can be certain that I leave him..... Better a painful end than pain without end.
But for people who are in a good working stepfamily relatinship, what is important to things work out, where to set the bounderies?
And no I will not stay in this relationship this way, it is my last attempt to change something with him or I am out.
Belmammy, please, will you
Belmammy, please, will you stop and think. Please read what you wrote. He spoke to his daughter and he got her opinion on all of this and how she would like it handled, she wants you to play with her so he agrees to that. Well that's today, tomorrow she'll want something else. You cannot give a 7 year old this power and expect it to come out well. But now, not only is he doing it, you are too.
Sounds like a wonderful life for the 7 year old. Now she is not only dictating to him, she is dictating to you as well. The madness in this. Both of you are now allowing it. Doesn't matter why you think your doing it, (to give the realtionship with him a chance), she doesn't see that and you can tell her that till your blue in the face, she won't get it. You have just been sucked into assisting him in allowing his child full control over not one but two adults.
So in return for your playdate with his daughter. What is the arrangement. What do you get. A full night in his bed without her throwing you out. No, you got nothing did you. it was all about HER. You didn't even think to bargain did you. Not that you should have, but if you were going to go along with his madness you should have thought enough of yourself to get something out of it. He gets free babysitting for the day. You get used.
This is not how you raise a child.
You will do what you will do, guess all that's left to say is, please not for yourself, but for the sake of some poor innocent baby you may have, please do not get pregnant and compound this mess.
Neither one of you have control over this 7 year old. Please do not bring a baby into it. I cannot believe that a well educated woman is allowing this to happen to her. But that is your call, all I ask is that you think twice before inflicting this idiot and his child onto a newborn baby.
I have never seen a post on here where every single response was, get the hell out. This is the first time and instead of getting out, you are now giving in to the 7 year old, Now you see how well that has turned out when her father was doing it. What makes you think two of you giving in to her demands will fix it. It won't. Sure he'll be happy, shuts her up, shuts you up. Once again he gets what he wants. But you know what the end will be. She will be twice as demanding, twice as rude, twice as obnoxious and twice as controlling. Good Luck. I am not trying to be mean to you, really. I am just beside myself that you are doing this to yourself for the sake of a man and a child who have no respect for you whatsoever.
Ring him up and cancel the plans. You need to show him you respect yourself and will not allow a child to run your life.
Like I said in my previews
Like I said in my previews comment: my boyfriend talked with his daughter without my knowledge and arranged that. It was not my suggetion neither would I do it.
I also told him that I do not think that it is ok for him to make deals regarding my person without consulting with me first. Like I said before I was pissed, because he did mot talk with me and because he handles his daughter this much power.
I also repeated to him that I do not think that he is educating his daughter right or educating at all.In my parents home, I did always what my parents told me and not what I wanted. What folks told me here,about that he is not educating his daughter and that I child should not have controll over things is my opinion too..... I already told him that.
I also said to him that I will leave the relationship if he does not take care of the situation properly and change his way with his daughter and me.
I am not that silly to stay in the relationship this way......
But I was relieved that he showed a sign of trying to change something or the situation although it was a very silly and not useful sign, because till now he did nothing.
And my dilemma was, that he already said to his daughter that I go there and play with her.....but I already cancelled the plans.....because I thought it was not right. He gave his daughter his word, which he should not have.....it is his problem.
Well about your comment about raising a child, you can bet that I know how to raise a child or not (my area of work are children and their development).
But regarding my boyfriends daughter I think I do not have a right to say to him or his ex wife how to raise their child, although I adviced him often about the mistakes he and she make. But it is not my child, to give orders to her or educate her. He did not want to listen to what I have to say on professional basis about his child education, because I study children but do not have my own and because I do not like his daughter (how could I like her very much with the way she treats me?????)
I suggested to him already several times, to consult a psychologist especialized in children and families that I know and who is very good at his job about what he has to say about what my boyfriend is doing. He did not want till now, because he knows best so I CANNOT DO ANYTHING.
The only thing I can do and did is to say to him that I leave if this is to be this way.....
But I told him if I were ever to have one child of my own, that I would never tolerate the things he tolerates with his daughter and that I never in life would educate my child like he does.