I don't have any babies, but won't that feeling of "this is the last time" just happen with any subsequent babies? Where would it end?

This is tough. I have three SKs and one BD, and we went for the snip a few months after she was born. DH and I both had some doubts about that finality. But DH is in his late forties with a busy career, and I'm building my career and having a second little would slow that down considerably.

I still have some gentle regrets... however, what helped me close the door was realizing a second child would bring *more* resentment - not of the child, but of the cost to my vocations and free time, since DH is simply incapable of shouldering half of the child caring burden.

Even in 'good' stepfamily situations, such as my own, I think there's an inevitable loss of opportunities from the get-go. The new spouse, assuming it's her first marriage, can't get all the traditional milestones: first home setup  together, husband fully present at firstborn birth, unencumbered management of household affairs, having as many children as you'd desire, etc.

It worked for me because I didn't have strong desires for anything that marriage to a divorced dad took off the table. I was happy for my DH to leave with the SKs after my daughter's birth and let me rest alone, for instance.
But for women for whom those opportunities and firsts are essential to a full marriage... I think they should walk away from marrying a divorced father, sadly.

Leaving the stepchild out of the discussion, having 2 little kids close in age is a LOT.  My 2 were 17 months apart and it was overwhelming.  You must have much more energy than I did and I was in my early twenties.  Lol. I can't even imagine how I would have juggled that plus a SS.  Good luck.

I'm currently pregnant with my second and the final baby with my DH. I always wanted to so this was not any sort of compromise for me because of SDs existence. there were a few times where my husband tried to talk me out of having kids in general and then asked me if I really wanted a second. I think since he always left it up to me as my choice for how many kids we have it helped. 

However now that we are done with our to the discussion has been birth control. pap smears have always been a struggle for me so I do not want to have an IUD put in. My husband said he would get a vasectomy which is perfectly fine with me. But then he began to backtrack and asked if I could get my tubes tied after giving birth this time. I said no o don't want to. it's not that I want any more kids but I don't want to take it completely off the table. What if something happened to him and I met another man who wanted to have a baby with me. I kind of don't want to close off that option. 

I understand I had this regret around the time BD hit middle school, I wished I had one more so she could have a sibling closer to her. Combined DH and I have three, so BD did grow up with her siblings, it was just hard seeing them all graduate and BD was sort of left behind. Now that BD is in high school I am getting excited about the prospect of DH and I being emptynesters.

My DH has 2 kids with BM. We have 1 child together. If the skids didn't exist, I would definitely want another child. But they do exist, and 4 kids is a lot, both financially and time/attention wise.  DD is still very young, so no final decision has been made, but the thing that troubles me most is that DD is in many ways an only child. When the skids are gone (half the week), DD is the only one. She has no sibling to play with or make memories with. If DH ever died (his father died quite young), the skids could totally disappear from DD's life. Being an only isn't the worst thing in the world (I know only children who prefer it that way), but I'd love to give her a full sibling and the skids are the main impediment to that. Luckily I like the skids, and they love DD and are good with her, but I do somewhat resent the resources they use.  

I so wish I was able to plan on whether or not to have a third. My husband and I have been together for over five years now, married over two, and trying, seriously trying for about a year and a half, for over four years now. There is still not even one baby.  Not one milestone to enjoy. He has a daughter who has had milestones I'm sure he's enjoyed and will continue to enjoy over the years. I am now forty and he is in his fifties. I don't know if I will ever have a child to enjoy. So, I'm not trying to be a downer, but my advice would be to be thankful for what you do have because so many people are not as lucky. Try to really appreciate and enjoy all of their milestones. Not just the first time they roll over but their first steps, first words, first day of school, first friend, etc. 

And... why the rush on another one? Since you already have two, you are still in your thirties, and your husband is open to another, maybe you could hold off for a year or two and then just see what happens.  You may get lucky again. I constantly remind myself the oldest woman on record to get pregnant naturally was 59. That may help if you're stressed over age.

Every last is followed by a first. Quit lamenting the lasts and look forward to a lifetime of firsts.

If you want another baby, have another baby.

Do not allow the progeny of a prior failed family prevent you from having another child.

I am about to have out first ours baby. My first period. Probably my last because I will say being pregnant is literally the worse thing I have ever experienced in my life time. I am pretty sure that if I ever start feeling like of I wont get to see this again I will remind myself of all the bad stuff that comes with being pregnant. Do not get me wrong I am very excited to have this baby and the baby was really wanted. Not sure you had any bad symptoms but let me just remind you of all the stuff that comes along with another pregnancy,

Hormonal, Sick for the entire pregnancy, cramps from the stretching up until about IDK 22 weeks or so. What about the excessive swelling in you feet no matter what you do, the insomnia you can get, sense are highetend, allergies could be worse than normal, your sensitive skin could be worse and you break out in rashes, baby is jammed up in your ribs you can barely breath or eat most days towards the end. Or better yet be pregnant during one of the worst summers in history in your area, or you have to wear a mask all the damn time while already struggling to breath because of some stupid pandamic. The constant pressure on the bladder and peeing, Boobs grow so large you can not even find bras to actually fit you that great. Hips hurt and ache all the time. Your memory is so shot you forget where you put keys, what you are currently typing.

Maybe it was not that bad for you but maybe remembering how much pregnancy takes a toll might make you feel differently.

I experienced this when I was pregnant with our 'ours' baby. DH set a hard limit of 4 and it was difficult to have that decision made for me. 

Realistically, it was the right choice. I feel maxed out at 4 and I felt very overwhelmed when she was a baby. But...I could never help but think that a third would have been on the cards if it weren't for the 2 skids. 

My youngest turned out to be a non-sleeper. I didn't sleep more than 4 hours straight in 2.5 years, no joke. That turned right me off having another one!!!

I like that your husband is letting you decide. If you really strongly want another baby then it sounds like you have the choice. Minivans aren't that bad

I am firmly one and done. DH already had two kids, so that definately played a role, but there are many factors. I always cringe when I see people having more and more babies because they want another BABY. Sure, babies are cute and all...but that is a whole person!! So your toddlers just don't bring you the same joy because they grew up? I don't get it. If you want something cute and cuddly to play with and you crave a bunch of piss and shit in your life, get a puppy lol.

I'm in my 70s and have watched many women handle these emotions.  There were the ones who had 3, 4, 5 kids and who were so busy with it all that the aging of the children was a secret relief.  Some multi-kid moms infantalized their kids to keep their mom role relevant.  My neighbor had 2 kids, a failing marriage and then transitioned into a dog breeder as a way to keep nurturing.  My daughter did the same: moved from mothering kids to mothering pets.  Others seemed content with 1 or 2 kids and either became uber SAHM moms or went back to work.  I think most women deal with this issue, either at your stage, or later as the kids leave the nest.

We here on Steptalk are living the complicated, sometimes awful, realities of being a step-parent.  But I think there's one possible benefit to it.  Is there any better wsy in the world to bond with your DH than to participate in the raising of his child?  I realize this is slightly off-topic but it is something to weigh in the scales as you think about what the SK takes from the family, financially, emotionally and in all the ways.

My DH83 and I are close here near to the end.  But I don't think we'd be this close if we hadn't had this eventful, crazy, tumultuous journey with his 3 and my 2.  It bonded us like nothing else I can imagine.

I didn't read all of the many posts and replies here, but I just want to say I think it's great that you are trying to process this issue. It sounds like not having more is a source of sadness for you. This doesn't make you baby crazy. It makes you a person who has certain desires who realizes these desires are not going to be fulfilled. This is a part of life for all of us with one thing or another, and it hurts. Even when your head sees all of the realistic reasons for this road, when your heart wants something else, it is not easy. I'd say just allow yourself to be sad about this and process it as best you can, like with writing about it here. Eventually, the sadness will be less intense, and acceptance will come. I think it's good to remind yourself of the reasons why not adding more is a positive for your family. I think this will help with acceptance. I also think that acknowledging the loss you are feeling will help you get there, too. You are in a grieving process, really. Take care!

I have 3 healthy kids who are now 15, 19 and 21. I was in a crappy marriage and knew it. But after the first two, I wanted another baby so badly, and we had my youngest DD. Best decision I've ever made. Then I was mourning a 4th but decided to just be grateful for my kids, accept reality and move on. We ended up divorced, but we would have regardless, so I'm so grateful I have my third 'baby'. DH and I met a year after my divorce and have been married over 4 years (together for 6). Got the marriage right this time! I do sometimes wish we had an 'ours' baby' but, we were too old when we met plus DH has 4 kids (now ages 15-27). We got a quarantine pupppy; he is almost a year old and he is the 'ours' baby! 

I guess I have no particular advice other than it is totally normal what you are feeling. I would have a hard time not resenting the SK as part of the reason, because SK's are not my kids, not even close. I guess it is all in your own perspective and choosing to be grateful and accept that what you have is already great.