I have no advice but I am so sorry. FH has never spoken to me that way, and I've never spoken to him that way - and we aren't that couple that's afraid to argue, either. We've had a couple doozies and we've said things we shouldn't have, but that shows a total lack of value and respect. Temporarily out of anger or consistently, that can do some damage.

I believe all couples should have their individual time and interests and hobbies. You aren't asking him to give up sports. You're asking for some priority to be given back to the relationship. Neither hobbies or the relationship should take up 100% of your time and energy, but there needs to be balance and time designated to each. If that comment is out of the ordinary for your BF, maybe it was a bad time/bad day; that doesn't excuse it but maybe can give some perspective on the "Why?". Does he always get ultra defensive when this subject comes up? Do you have any idea why? How and when do you usually approach the subject?

In the 9 years I've been with DH he told me to F myself one time. It was about 1 1/2 years into our relationship. We were talking on the phone. After he said it, I told him to call me back when he could use his "big boy words" to first apologize, & then to express his feelings. I told him I loved him & that I was hanging up.

He called me back about 15 minutes later very apologetic & I explained to him why I don't speak that way to people I love, & that I will not allow others to speak to me that way. It's incredibly hurtful & disrespectful, & in my opinion, those words come out when people want to break somebody down to get more power in a situation. I choose not to overpower or be overpowered in any type of conversation. To me, when it reaches that point, conversation is only harmful.

Growing up we were not allowed to tell each other to shut up, or call names. She said if someone hurt us, we needed to express it by simply saying, "It hurts my feelings when you..." or "It makes me sad when you...". It sounds cheesy, but it's a good method. It clearly communicates your feelings. It explains why you're hurt, sad, angry...whatever. Rather than just letting vulgar hurtful words & expressions fly & then both parties being left angry & upset.

You're right, in that you don't deserve to be talked to that way, even if he was casual with it. I think it's easy for people to blow something off with such a comment. Some people think it's funny & don't mean anything by it, but I think it's important for partners to show utmost respect for one another.

I'm sorry, it has to feel bad to have the person you love be so disrespectful to you. I can only hope and assume that it was out of frustration and is outside the norm for your relatioship.

I know DH and I have both said things out of total frustration that we regret and didn't mean. Doesn't mean it hurts any less.

I suggest investing in DRV. My DH is a TV addict, lol. I can now tell him, let it go, you can watch it later when nothing is going on. It's been a blessing in our home. he can stay up late and catch up on his sports and we can have more quality family time.

I used to have a BF who was like that, only a little worse. Except for sports he also liked Video Games and betting (small amounts of money on Football game outcomes). And he actually did talk to me like that when I told him that he is not who he used to be.

The reason why he said that was plain lack of arguments in my opinion. You brought him to the point that he didnt have anything else to say - because he knew that you were right- but still doesn't want to change what he is doing.
I say that he ,apparently,has is easy. He got comfortable with you not complaining and the moment you did ,he just couldnt defend himself differently.

Personally, I didnt think my BF could change, it appeared to be an obsession and I didnt think he could find a balance between being in a relationship and doing the things that please him.

So if I were you I wouldnt worry so much about the fact that he said the F word, but I would worry about the amount of effort he is willing to put to make your relationship work.

No man has ever said that to me, including my exH, even when things were bad.

I am really sorry he did that to you, esp. since he was seemingly unprovoked. Has he said stuff like that before? I am wondering if this sort of treatment will escalate into something more.

You do not deserve this sort of treatment. I agree with JJO...how can he manage a relationship with you between sports and work?

I hope you're feeling better...sorry you went through that...

My dh and I have had some arguments and said some things he shouldnt have (and I have too) but generally we dont call names and dont use the F bomb. My dh used to be obsessed with video games-seriously. This was during a time when things were not good in our family, marriage, or with himself. he was using it to retreat to his "man cave". He no longer plays video games at all if I am home or even around the kids. He will occassionally play with one of our sons, but even that is rare. So your hubby can change-i would try to get at the root of the problem.