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Gifts and cards

Jjjessicuh's picture

Submitted by Jjjessicuh on Fri, 07/13/2018 - 1:24pm

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General Discussion

BM never ever makes sure fSD7 brings birthday or Father’s Day cards for SO. Yet, fsd 7 will ask us for the latter for BM sometimes and SO always obliges. He went so far as to but BM and her new  offspring souvenirs from our trip because fSD7 asked. I was horrified that he spent our money on souveniers when she has never and will never return the favor. Disgusting !!!

Areyou's picture

Submitted by Areyou on Fri, 07/13/2018 - 2:29pm

Say no. I won’t waste our time or money buying anything for BM and skids would never ask us to. One Christmas however skids stepfather refused to take them to buy gifts for BM so we had to stop at a cheap drugstore to get her a gift but only with money that skid had given us.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Fri, 07/13/2018 - 2:48pm

Buy some really disgusting cheap perfume. Tell her to draw a picture instead of a card.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Fri, 07/13/2018 - 3:00pm

We always ask SO's girls if they want to make cards for BM's birthday and mother's day.  BM acknowledges SO's birthday and father's day on FB, and has sent a birthday card herself in the past, but she hasn't had the kids do anything for his birthday or father's day.  I make sure they have a card and a gift for him for both his birthday and father's day, so it's not necessary for her to do it.   It costs very little to help them make cards or pick out a small gift for BM, and it means a lot to the kids.  We're doing it more for them than for her; they enjoy having something for her, it's good for them to acknowledge their mother, and it's the way SO wants to raise them.  

Now, if she was high conflict, I suspect things would be different.  Fortunately, she's reasonably cooperative.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Fri, 07/13/2018 - 3:32pm

Yep, sit down and make something with them. Or give them a chore and pay them for it, then they can spend that money on whatever they want.

Whenever we were on vacation my kids had $10 a day (thier own savings) to spend on souveniers. They could spend it all on one thing or a bunch of little things. It was up to them if they wanted to buy things for other people, including their Dad.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Fri, 07/13/2018 - 3:34pm

Get used to it. 

Because BM wasn't married, we did Birthday, Christmas, and Mother's day gifts from all 3 skids. That was 9 gifts a year...in addition to the crazy CS...so a couple hundred extra dollars every year in gifts that we let the kids pick out. 

Of course, she never helped them do the same for DH, and we didn't have custody...so I always had to try to scramble to help them do something for him. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 12/26/2020 - 8:39am

The high road is rarely effective in forcing a toxic opposition to do the right thing.  Time for Dad to tell the skid no to the requests for the toxic BM.