Frustrating
One of the crappiest things about this skid situation is having to deal with things that come up because of BM lifestyle/parenting style.
For example, today, the 6 year old told the dog, "hey, you stepped on my penis". Seeing as how if DH or I ever have to refer to skid's private area, we say "private area" or "privates". Sure I know what the proper term is, but I just don't think there's anything great about a 6 yr old going around using the proper term.
Just now, the 8 year old runs up the stairs, trips and yells out "Oh $#!t!". When I asked him, he gave me two completely different versions of what he said before he admitted to it". Seeing as how DH and I don't curse, I know ss didn't get this from us. But, to give BM the benefit of the doubt, I asked where he'd learned it from. I figured it could have come from school, but after trying to convince me that he'd never heard it before, ss told me that he heard it from BM and he lied because he knew it was a bad word and didn't want to get into trouble.
DH and I go out of our way to stress how important it is that the kids don't repeat "off color" comments they may hear on their Disney/Nickelodeon shows and we change the radio if we think songs are too suggestive or if we know there is language that we don't wish to have repeated...
So why are we going out of our way if BM is basically working against us on the other side?!
Thanks. I know you're right
Thanks. I know you're right about balancing things out, its just hard to suffer through even these smaller frustrations of this step parenting lifestyle. When you're fighting the bigger things, these smaller things are just like salt in the wounds.
So just when you think you have had enough, even the tiniest thing is enough to make you lose hope. Especially as the step in the situation.
As Tog said it is frustrating
As Tog said it is frustrating but very important to stay consistent.
SS5 I have heard him cuss in to BM, I have even been told that he called her the c*nt word while they were at a laundry mat, will call her pussy and just has no issue cussing around her.
DH and I do cuss some we try not to but I admit it even slips from me, we don't listen to songs that say words like that however. We have caught SS saying them a few time and he got in major trouble now he is the one who tries to remind us cussing is bad and wouldn't dare say anything off in this household.
Persistence works.
I definitely agree, these
I definitely agree, these things are small when considered in light of all the possibilities. But I imagine if the kids are that "clumsy" to slip up and use certain language in our presence, despite what they know we don't allow and the words we don't say, what words will they say when they are at school where I've heard many worse things coming from other kids?
As far as ss6 saying penis, DH just talked to him about using that term if as ever has to talk to a doctor about it. Otherwise, his private area should stay private. I should mention there were some issues related to ss privates at school last year and BM told the school counselor, "I had a talk with ss6 and asked him if it feels good, and he said yes, so I told him, 'I know it feels good to do certain things to your penis, but you can't do those things in school'". Needless to say, her talk didn't work.
Also, this isn't the first time we've had to have the "language" talk. Just the first post about it. We've heard references to "my nuts" from ss8, ss6 has asked ss8, "what the hell", and I've heard a $h!t before from ss6. Among other things.
As far as DH having more influence, well DH is CP after BM left him and the kids and up until a year ago BM spent about 18-24 hours with skids every other weekend. The kids spent the rest of BMs time with BMs parents. One year ago, DH found out from skids BM was living in a motel known for its drug/crime statistics and he went to get a TRO at his attorney's suggestion. BMs parents got a high dollar Atty to fight the TRO, BM requested full custody and, probably at the suggestion of her Atty, started spending all of her time with skids to try and paint a pretty picture before their next court date a whole year later.
DH used to have more influence because it was DH + BM parents against BM. Now, as someone else mentioned, BM gets to come in and be the "fun" parent, letting the kids say/do as they please. And DH and I get to be the enforcers, so to speak.