Okay so I just came across this site and decided that I would probably fit in perfectly here as I am new at this step-parenting/parenting thing and could use as much support as I can possibly get.

I am 22 years old and my fiance (21 yo) and I have been together for 2 years next month. At the time that we met he had been separated for over a year and going through a divorce with his ex wife. I knew from the beginning that they had a child together and I was ok with that. Several months into the relationship his ex called and told him that she was pregnant and the child was his. This was a debatable topic because the main reason their relationship did not work out was because she was cheating on him throughout their marriage with multiple partners. When I asked him about the situation he told me it was highly unlikely but possible that the child was his because 2 months before we met he went home (he is in the military and stationed in a different state) to visit his daughter and his ex got him intoxicated and "tricked" him into sleeping with her. *I have no opinion on this because it was before he and I were together and that is his business.* Well, needless to say I told him that I loved him and regardless I would stand by him and support him through everything. When the child was born we had a DNA test and it turns out the kid is his... so now he has not one but two daughters.

I was introduced to the children on his oldest daughters 2nd birthday when the baby was 3 months old. From the beginning I knew that their mother and I were going to have problems. When he asked her if he could spend time with his older daughter after her bday party (I did not attend in an effort to respect their mother and to keep the drama to a minimum) the mother told him if he was going to take one child he had to take them both. He was fine with this and agreed to take the kids for the day. She then told him that she wanted/needed a break and wanted him to keep the kids overnight. Now keep in mind that the 3 mo is still breastfeeding at this point... and their daddy doesn't have breasts to feed her!!! He agreed in an effort to be able to spend time with his children. During the two days and one night that we had his kids it came to light that the mother was using a medicine dropper to attempt to transition her to a bottle. A freaking medicine dropper!!! So obviously this was going to be a long night for us. When she woke up that night for her feeding and refused to use her bottle I got the idea to hold the baby against my naked breast and rather than give her my nipple I popped the bottle in her mouth... problem solved!!! From that one time on she took the bottle no problem (yay me lol). Little did I know this was just the beginning of our problems with the BM.

It was several months before BM would allow BD to see the children again. By this time the baby was 7 months old and it was the summer. This time we were permitted to bring the children back to our residence and keep them for 2 months. During this time I discovered that his older daughter was now 2 1/2 and had not even begun potty training. Another project for me... I spent the time that we had teaching his daughter about using the potty and by the time they went back to their mothers home she was 98% potty trained (having a few accidents here and there because she was still learning and new at the whole potty thing).

Not long after returning the children to BM, her sister called and told us that she was incarcerated and had been for 1 week (BM parents had been telling us that she was out of town to visit her BM [the kids mother is adopted] and she would be back in a few weeks) and the children were staying with BM parents and that she thought that we should be aware of the situation. Well, DH command told him to immediately go retrieve his children and bring them back as they should be with a parent. We immediately left to get the kids and while there filed paperwork for custody and had BM served in jail. We also checked with the courts and with the local police force to ensure everyone knew the situation and we had the ok to bring the children back to our home. Needless to say BM was not happy and filed papers stating that DH had kidnapped the kids. She also attempted to file paperwork keeping him from his kids and away from her. These were both denied, however we did return the children when she was released from jail (DH decision... I thought we should keep them).

Court date came and DH decided rather than drag everyone through court they would try mediation. He of course let her have full physical custody and 50/50 legal custody with CS payments remaining what he was already paying her w/o court order ($500/mo). BM then asked for more money and he agreed to an additional $50/mo.

Next visit was around Halloween... we got kids for a few weeks and at this time I observed BM changing older daughters pull-up w/o wiping her off. This upset me quite a bit. After we dropped them off we were told that the older child got pink-eye (BM was staying in the basement of a "friend" whose home was full of cats and we observed feces in several places on the floors) and the baby had scarlett fever.

We got the kids again around Christmas for a few weeks and during this time the older child seemed to have forgotten her potty training. She was urinating on herself a minimum of once a day and would often refuse to use the potty wanting to be in pull-ups or diapers all the time. She also sent the children to us while they had the flu and did not inform us that they were sick. Both I and DH and some of DH's family (his gp's and uncles that we visited for the holidays) were infected and I became extremely ill. I had just found out that I was pregnant and catching the flu caused me to loose 3 lbs and almost be hospitalized from dehydration. When confronted about not telling us about the kids being sick BM smirked and replied she "forgot".

Since then BM has placed the now 16 mo on an anti-anxiety medication to make her sleep and I once again had to do her job and wean 16 mo off of her bottle.

This has been an ongoing struggle for me. This is just a bit of back-story, unfortunately I have some things to take care of and will hopefully be back to finish the rest of my info before too long!!! Please feel free to comment and give me some feedback...