First of all, welcome!

How does your partner handle this situation?  So often on Steptalk, we find that the problem isn't the child, its ineffective parenting by the bio parent.

He doesn't just want love, he wants control and your partner should be dealing with this. He shouldn't be allowed to squeeze in between you, snatch his dad's hand, swear at you,etc. Your partner isn't doing his job as a parent. Time for a serious talk with him. 

welcome !  sorry your having to deal with this .  unfortuntely sounds like your partner is the issue in not correcting the behaviour.  like most of us on here we all share the same issue of the parent not parenting properly and the skid rules the house.  from what youve written , personally i would throw this one back in the sea.  take your lovely daughter and dont burden the last couple of her teen years with someone elses brats! enjoy these few years with your well behaved daughter 

If you're SO doesn't stop their behavior NOW he will never stop it.  Those are the red flags, SEE THEM! 

Also, don't apologize, you are HEARD here! 

Welcome to the site - we are all here for you!

Your post isn't negative and you aren't "triggered."  Your emotions toward your partner's son are warranted. 

I agree with the other posters.  This is an issue directly related to your partner's parenting. He needs to STOP this behavior.  Unfortunately, the behavior will continue if not get worse over time if it's not addressed by your partner.  You can't do anything about his kid's behavior because first of all, he isn't your kid and second, the kid will not listen to you.  If you try to address this kid's behavior, it will make you more of a target and this kid will ramp up his behaviors.  But your partner can stop it.  He needs to discuss this with his son and stop the behavior when it starts.  Your partner needs to parent!  He needs to set expectations and consequences for this type of behavior and be consistent.  This isn't a boy who wants love, it's a boy who wants to control the relationship and always be first.  This kid is a miniwife. 

Having to deal with behavior like this is not conducive to a happy relationship.

Please don't feel guilty. 

Hang in there, keep us posted!

why is your SO allowing his kids to be Aholes to you?  this is absolutely a lack of parenting.. they don't have to love you.. but people in the home will be civil to each other.. or there are consequences.

What does your partner do when his son exhibits these horrendous behaviors?  Even if you are willing to tolerate this nonsense, why would you subject your daughter to this brat? Is your partner able to get therapy for this child?

Welcome!

I just wanted to say that you are an adult in the home and deserve basic respect and common courtesy. If your "partner" isn't making sure that his kids are doing that- you have a partner problem. 

Many times we find that BM is behind a lot of the behavior, but not all of it. These kids aren't moving out any time soon and this kind of behavior only get's worse over the years as the kids age if it isn't handled fast and harshly. The punnishment for cussing and flipping off an adult has to "hurt". I am not condoning viloence against children but I am saying that TV, gaming, computers, fun events, special treats are all YANKED away. That his dad comes down hard on him for acting that way.

As for interjecting in your physical touch with your partner- once again, your partner needs to let go of his son's hand, move him to the other side and hold both hands. If sitting on the couch- the child needs to be moved. You need to maintain your place as his partner and the child shouldn't be allowed to interject or come in between you physically or otherwise. 

If his dad, your partner, isn't willing to make some big changes- I would not be willing to stay in the relationship. Yes, kids to break up marriages and relationships all the time. There is no need to be miserable with a failing parent for years to come, maybe even the rest of your life because he didn't properly raise his kid! 

Unfortunately you are going to get the truth the whole thurth , nothing but the thurth.  You are blaming SS for DH's failure.

DH is the parent. As he is supposed to parent his sons.  When his sons try to get in betreen you and DH. As "  I hold my partners hand he comes and grabs it off and says "No I want to hold daddy's hand". Your DH should put his son in his place.  Telling him not to do that. Second time some sort of punishment. Nothing major just a reminder, then each time after the punishment gets greater.  
Your DH is the problem, he doesn't have your back.  If he corrected SS. Maybe he would be a good kid.  

Please read on this site, especially the Adult forum, about what happens to unparented ferals. I've been a member here for over a decade and I've seen older SSs actually slug their SMs and the dad runs to his baybee poopsie doodles to check on him and telling the SM it was her fault for the look on her face, the way she said something to the SS, or farted in his direction. You wouldn't believe the things these ineffective, pussy-assed dads have said to justify why it was OK for their sons to full-on physically threaten and even punch out SM. 

Cut off this relationship and enjoy the last couple of years of HS that your DD has. My DDstb23 has almost graduated uni, so believe me when I tell you that your DD's age period goes by super fast. Seemingly faster than the rest of childhood. Spend time with her, model to her how a strong woman takes care of herself by not settling for such a situation just to have a man and enjoy grad dress shopping and whatever else the last bit of HS your DD has. 

Don't make the mistake of thinking that you can wait it out until your SO's brat is 18. Again, go to the adult forums on here and see for yourself how unparented ferals just do not meet milestones that their peers do and they do not launch when their peers do, if ever. They do not get driver's licenses, they don't get boyfriends or girlfriends when their peers do, so you won't be able to count on them being out of the house with their new romances. They don't maintain friendships like their peers do so again, they won't be out of the house. They'll cling to Daddddeeeeee like there's no tomorrow, because Dad is all they have since they don't make friends and if they do, they don't maintain friendships like other kids do. 

There's so much more to be said about unparented ferals. Also, do not model for your DD a relationship where you are put last to a brat and where you are not protected by your SO. Picture your DD all grown up and coming to you and describing your situation to you. I'm sure you would tell her to run fast and run far and that she deserves so much better. 

If your SO's feral is already telling you to fuck off and flip the bird to you, imagine what will happen when he's 15 or 16 and outweighs you. That brat is already grabbing your hand. Do not make the mistake of falling for that societal bullshit that poor Poopsie Doodles just needs love. It is not only OK, but healthy, if you realize that this situation is bad bad news. 

You are not married to your partner.

Bad news is that it doesnt seem like your partner has your back nor is your partner parenting his bratty child. From what youve described, you are being abused by a 7 year old and I dont see that your partner is doing anything to stop it.

Now, Imagine spending years upon years with this treatment getting worse and worse. Is this what you envision for yourself long-term?

Welcome to steptalk. Please read around here and read the comments. Years upon years of wisdome and experience.

You've come to the right place! This community is full of caring, intelligent people who can empathize and speak to similar experiences. No judgement either. 

Like everyone else, my first thougth was what your SO does in response to his son's behavior. If it's happening repeatedly I'm assuming he does nothing which is very bad news for you. You have made a stable life for yourself and your daughter and I would fiercely protect that.

If you haven't, I would tell your SO about this issue and tell him it's going to be a deal breaker because no one should accept being abused. If SO gets defensive, dismissive or deflects, then that will give you a lot of answers. It will mean the behavior won't change and will probably get worse. It will also mean your voice doesn't matter to him.

Good luck and always feel free to come here and vent

Take care of yourself.

we are all so relieved that you have decided to 'sit on the fence' from a distance and observe daddy attemping to parent.  we all know that things will never change unfortuenaly