In summary you care for the children you share with STBXH, you have attempted to work with his toxic crotch nugget and the manipulative womb donor and you feel guilty about the end of your marriage to an infantile snake lover financially failed non man?

Sorry, I don't see any reason for you to feel guilty.

So, call an attorney, nail his ass to the wall for CS and Alimony, and quit worrying about his ability to move on while you are stuck at home with the kids.  Invoke  your rights, and take his ass to the cleaners.  Document, document, document.

Once you get your situation stablized then you can start moving on. He will be the one stuck with his scaley pets and a massive CS/Alimony burden and you can get on with your life.  There are many programs for single parents that allows them to pursue education, improve their ability to support themselves and their families, get support with day care and finances and better their circumstances.  There are also great programs for special needs children that your state will invariably offer.

When we met my bride of 24+ years was a single teen mom college student. She had WIC, susidized day care (she paid $1/day) and the state provided medical coverage for the kid.  She did bust her butt working two jobs and going to school full time but she did get some help.

Use it all and quit lamenting the loss of this POS and his shallow and polluted prior relationship gene pool.

Take care of you, take care of your kids. 

I'm with Rags. What the hell are you feeling guilty about? He refused to work with your very reasonable requests (I would not live with 30 of any type of animal in my house) and then blamed you. That's called "animal hoarding", and the fact that many of them died is despicable.

Stop blaming yourself and let this guy go live his life with his reptiles. But call the ASPCA to check on the reptiles' well-being.

He took the reptiles and went where?  Who on earth is going to take that on?  No one is going to rent to him and no one is that good a friend!  Is he going back to BM?  If so, good riddance!  Make sure you get a good lawyer.  You can file for child and spousal support on your own and I would go fill out the forms today!

Of course he is going to cry "skid"- It shifts the blame from him and his filthy animal hoarding to you. Now here you are questioning yourself... He got you. 

Being a single mom and going back to work after being a wife and SAHM is super scary. I totally get it! However, you can do it! There is help for you, you will get child support. You can work out all kinds of things with alimony while you get on your feet. Get into some online classes if you don't have a degree or any certificates- even getting a quick accounts payable cert is like an 8 week program and around here at least starts at $15/hr. It isn't great but you can start there and go up. If you have something else, great! You are ahead of many SAHM's!! You can and you will get through this. Don't take this man back, it isn't worth it. 

i will add to what has already been said, that I have been a married woman and been completely alone and no one cared to help.  I was REALLY stuck, and then I was a single Mom, and had endless help and support.  Single Moms actually have many things easier than a stay at home mom with a deadbeat spouse.  You will move on with a clean home and happier kids.  BTW, I doubt that the courts would award custody to one one hoarding that many reptiles.  Pretty sure you can win in court.  Also, if BM is back in the picture and SD has bee. Rude and spoken ill of you you can obtain Restraining Orders protecting your children from the influence and negativity of their half sister. Pursue that early.

Good riddance to bad rubbish (and reptiles).

Ditto on Rags' comment. Stop beating yourself up. Your behavior  towards SD had absolutely nothing to do with your marriage disolving. In fact, living with 30 reptiles and putting up with his snakey SD and slitheryt Ex as long as you did should earn you some kind of sainthood.

Get a good lawyer. Get some kind of certification so you can earn a living. Keep your chin up. You've got this.

And trying to do major image management. The snakes and reptiles are living at his parents as well as him? Well, they certainly derserve his sorry a$$, they created him. He sounds aweful - im sorry that you had to deal with him for so long. At least you have your kidlings.

Child support and alimony - although this dude sounds like he might be the type that doesnt want to help support children that he helped create. You sound nice - but havinga  tough time brings out the worst in anyone - especially when you are being treated badly. Sd didnt appreciate anything you did for her, and probably has been fed a bunch of lies by BOTH BM and your H.

Rags is spot on - there are so many great programs available for mothers with children.

Skid issue PLUS sick reptiles around toddlers??

just no

SD has a BF and BM to love her.  Your EX should of had this child with a mother, not going looking for a mother after child was born. As long as SD had food, shelter, ect. That all you have to do.  It’s nice to have some fun with her, but sometimes it is just not possible.  No reason to feel guilty.  

I was in a marriage with a guy who I'm quite sure is on the spectrum. They can have many wonderful qualities, but never forget that the way their brains are wired mean it's very difficult for them to express empathy or act in an empathetic fashion. It was also very difficult for my ex to accept any responsibility for things that had gone wrong. He would often turn things back on me - in often truth-y but exaggerated ways basically just to deflect. 

It may well be true that you could have been a better SM. Sometimes when we're feeling stressed and unloved it's a lot easier to pick on someone who doesn't contribute to our financial well-being. Sometimes we just don't have the emotional support that's required to keep on acting with love in the face of dislike and disrespect. But believe me, you could have been Cruella and he wouldn't have cared (much) - as long as you didn't try to get him to cut back on his special interest - the reptiles in his case. Your story almost makes me feel grateful for the 40+ hours of role playing games a week and more figurines in my house than games shop. My ex is now happily/unhappily who cares? living with his D&D miniatures - I'm living with a man who pays me attention and gives me love and affection and supports me in raising my child and in step-parenting his. 

My point is - there's time to reflect on your personal growth later. Right now you have a fugitive man-child who will not want to do right by you so you have to make him. Heck - you may even now find that you and BM have common ground and end up with a good relationship with SD after all (but that should not be your priority right now).