Feeling Guilty As A SM
Me and my husband have been married for almost two years, I love him dearly. I wouldn't trade him or our relationship for anything in this world. But his kids-I can not stand them. I know what people will say "you knew he had them when you met him", which is true. I just never knew it would be so difficult to be in this marriage. His BM is trash, she uses the kids to hurt him. and just recently she has told my husband that it's MY fault the kids don't want to be around him. The kids scream and cry every time we try to pick them up and if they do that-she doesn't make them come with us. I may dislike these children-but i have never been rude to them while they were at my house. His daughter CRAVES attention and she will do any/everything to get it.
Just confused on what tp do.. I am worried that my husband will begin resenting me if he feels like he doesn't see his kids often. 
she doesn't make them come
she doesn't make them come with us.
If they have a CO outlining his visitation, she does not have a choice.
Unless you are encouraging
Unless you are encouraging him to not exercise his visitation..and you are not making the children feel unwelcome... then don't feel guilty.
I think a lot of times we tend to take on guilt for things that aren't in our control.
If your DH wants to spend time with his kids...he does NOT need your permission. Therefore you are not keeping his kids from him.
Thats not what I said, He
Thats not what I said, He goes to pick them up but if i'm going to be home, they freak out.
The girl told her mom that she "just wants my DH and his BM back together"
I know that's not what you
I know that's not what you said. I said you don't have to feel guilty because you say you are doing nothing to make them feel unwelcome.
They are using "you" as an excuse, but honestly it wouldn't matter if it were you.. or any other woman really. They don't have a problem with you.. it's the idea of you.
It is up to your husband to shut this down with BM and his girls. It is not your fault and not in your control.
My point about saying that he doesn't need your permission is not that I think you have that opinion... but rather that you can't be blamed by him because you don't have that power.
He can certainly choose to take his kids at every visitation as far as you are concerned. It's BM that is causing the issue. Again, she is pulling a PAS move on the kids and you are just the scapegoat.
Please look up Dr Craig
Please look up Dr Craig Childress "Parental Alienation" on youtube
Not all things are Pathogenic Parenting.
Has the child always reacted to your husband since BIRTH in this manner. How about at age 1, age 2, age 3 age 4, age 5?
Did dad and child/ren have a healthy bond until the marriage broke UP.
I bet they did.
Isnt it just amazing how pre-divorce kids and dads have loving, nurturing, parent child relationships. Once the divorce kicks in and Custodial (usually moms) figure out how much money they can get...all of a sudden the kids are scared of dad.
PS. Guilt is for an illegal or immoral act. For what ever reason women say they feel quilt about most things.
PLEASE PLEASE google youtube dr craig childress...watch his series with your husband. He has a website too...check it out.
Thank-you for this, I am
Thank-you for this, I am watching this and it is very helpful.
The only thing you can do is
The only thing you can do is be his refuge, focus on the relationship, and let him deal with the grief he is getting.
You need to keep plan B in mind, because you are absolutely right that neither of you knew before you got together how things would turn out. It may well be that he chooses another path, or perhaps hallelujah he stands up to BM and tells kids the truth about what to expect.
When I started out with DH, his son 25 still wanted Ma and Pa back together despite being already divorced for 15 years. He did all sorts of dirty tricks to leave me out of family events. I simply gave DH a choice, and he read the rule book to SS. The reunion crap stopped at that point.
Worrying about DH resenting you...nothing you can do. Second marriages come with all sorts of risks.
Oh Dear - it's not your
Oh Dear - it's not your children Hon, so why do you bother picking them up? You are a stranger to them, small kids do go through stages you know.... simply let the kids be, it's not your kids, and you husband should sort this out not you...
If he has a problem with BM he needs to solve it, it's not your place