Experience with Alimony Anyone?
After nearly 5 years of living apart from my dh I have made the difficult decision to file for a divorce. I have an appointment with a family law attorney on Feb. 2. There are no minor children. I live in New York State.
I'm getting ahead of myself but am curious if anyone has experience either paying or getting alimony that you would be willing to share?
Specifically, in what circumstances is it awarded, what are the terms (like I know you can't keep getting it if you remarry), how long can you get it, are there cost of living increases, etc.
I don't want to "take dh to the cleaners" - honestly, half of nothing is nothing, lol...but...
his income is at least TEN TIMES what mine is...and he has bought a house, car, etc. for his ADULT SON...shouldn't I get "something" so I don't have to continue to constantly fret about how I'm going to afford heat and food and car insurance, etc.?
Will the difference in income be considered? I have been researching...and I know what he has done with the marital funds, buying all that stuff for his son against my will is considered "waste and dissipation" of marital assets...and could go against him.
He has also "loaned" $6,000 to a local minister and is not being paid back and there are other instances of basically just "giving away" our money while we have saved nothing for retirement.
I will be "lucky" if I don't get stuck with half of dh's credit card debt (which he has greatly reduced in the last 5 years because he wants me back and knows that is one of my "issues").
But I feel I should have some sort of "spousal support" or whatever it's called for my 21 years of living with him (26 years married) and putting up with all the crap from the skids, etc.
I don't want this to be nasty...but I DO want it to be fair.
Anyone??? Thank you.
I'm supposed to receive
I'm supposed to receive maintenence (alimony) per the divorce for half the equity loan we took out and all the money I could figure out he spent on his mistress. Now I could of gone for the alienation of affection lawsuit route but I wanted it to be easy and it was only fair he pay me back. It's set up he is to pay me so much a month for 2 years until the amount determined is payed off. He hasn't paid a dime and in June when his income is highest I'll be taking him back to civil court to enforce it and throw in that he also hasn't paid the legal fees he agreed to and I'm willing to waive those for an extension on the maintenence to "when the amount is payed off" I could of received more even though I made more money while we were together the job he finally got when we seperated was double what I made. Talk to the attorney laws are diffrent in each state you may not be able to get any you may be entitled to have his retirement and social security as well as a monthly payment.
I worked throughout our whole
I worked throughout our whole marriage, however at part time, low paying, seasonal type jobs because of being home with the kids while he was on the road (self employed truck driver).
The money for the minister was a PERSONAL loan - not to the church -it was so the minister could pay off his wife's credit card bills.
The purchases and money for his adult son were done with MY money too and against my wishes -- so we will see what the lawyer says.
Currently, he is making about $4,000 a WEEK...yes, a WEEK...granted that is before taxes, but still. It takes me 3 MONTHS and then some to make that much - and HIS health insurance is dedcuted from MY paychecks.
I have at least 20 years before I'm eligible for half his social security. The lawyer wants me to bring all the retirement information I can get my hands on, copies of tax returns, information on assets and debts, etc.
I told her I may not be able to get "everything" and she said it's okay, bring what I can and list what else I think there is.
Thank you so much for your input!
Wow...what a witch! I am
Wow...what a witch! I am sorry for all your dh had to go through. As I said, it is not my desire or intention to take dh to the cleaners.
That being said though, he can support his adult son, buy him a house, "loan" (cough cough) money to every Tom, Dick, and Harry when he has saved NOTHING for our future...
so I'm kinda thinking, why shouldn't I have a little something every month to make MY life a little easier since I worked and took care of our kids and HIS kids for our entire marriage and contributed plenty to the fact that he has what he now has?
He makes $4K a WEEK...I'm thinking a lousy $500 a month would help me a great deal, allow me to save and have a little bit of security which I think I deserve.
While I was never physically abused, there are many kinds of abuse and he was downright cruel to me for a lot of years - I was stupid, my parents must not have taught me anything, I didn't have any common sense, etc. etc. etc. -- but I was good enough to to take care of his rotten kids.
Thanks for helping me "disect" this situation. I know it all boils down to what the attorney has to say but I really want to think it through ahead of time.