ex wife GRRRR!!!!
I met my bf last June and we started a long distant relationship. We both had recently seperated from our spouses. We traveled to see each other as often as possible and then I made the move to oklahoma one year later. My boyfreinds ex has tried to destroy us since I got here. She has a granddaughter that calls my bf papaw and that kid means alot to my bf. He will do anything for her. So the ex uses the child to get to my bf. she is always texting about everything. When she knows we are on a date or out doing something special she will text and ask him to call her. It makes me mad knowing she is doing it on purpose. I see what see is doing and he wont except that she would be that way. She told him before I moved here that our relationship wouldnt make it. Well she is really putting us through it. Im starting to wonder if she was right. My bf has a big heart and dont want to hurt anyone including her, but dont realize this is killing me. She still sends him emails saying she loves him. I love this man with everything I have but I wondering if we will ever be happy. she will always be part of his life because of the little girl. I just dont know how much longer I can take it.
You don't say whether you are
You don't say whether you are living together or not? I suspect you are if you made the move to be with him - so you have already made a big commitment to this man. I would suggest you give it a bit longer and try putting some strong boundaries around your relationship.
I presume the grandchild lives with his son or daughter and not with his ex? If so, why should the ex be constantly contacting him regarding the granddaughter? It is really not her place. Encourage him to liaise about seeing her/calling her only with her mother/father. Insist that he ignore texts from his ex, especially when you are doing something together, and put the answerphone on the landline so she cannot call and interrupt you at home.
Insist that he either ignore or block email contact from his ex. If he is not willing to take some measures to cut down your stress levels regarding contact from his ex, then maybe he is not ready to commit to a proper relationship with you.
Simple, have him switch off
Simple, have him switch off his phone whn you're on a date
People always like to blame the "other person" in the situation, but let's face it, your bf is just as much to blame for accepting that kind of behaviour from her. She's not going to change, your bf is the one that needs to do the changing if you're going to be happy with him.
Good luck!
I'd ask him to switch off the
I'd ask him to switch off the phone when you are out together. That way you are not saying 'do not' or making him feel he's pressured. If he's allowed himself to be pressured this long he's not going to stop it overnight, I really believe that this has to be a gradual process, for everyone's sake and there are a couple of things you need to absorb to maintain a healthy relationship with him. I finally got to a place where BM does not intrude on our lives, she had to accept that I am not leaving to suit her. DH knows which side his toast is buttered but he still kept dropping it to land butter side down. It's VERY important that you do NOT allow anyone to think she is a threat to you, that means do not let her push your buttons. Even the slightest comment by him can be taken by her and used to her advantage, she feels jealous, insecure and threatened by you...NOT the other way round...right? Remember that, please.
He'll do the gradual thing if you encourage him, most people do not like being told what to do...face it...would you stop speaking with someone just because someone said you had to??
It does get better...trust me! Encourage him to communicate with the child's parents too?? That way you can squeeze BM out a little by saying you 'know' of an event with grand baby. That way BM is no longer the central figure.
I don't understand why there
I don't understand why there is still contact between the two of them when obviously the kids they had together are grown. SO and I are counting down the days until we can move to another state, not give the crazy ex our new addy, and change our numbers. To bad it's 14 years away.
I do feel your pain and frustration. When SO and I first started dating and even after I moved in she would send texts telling him she was still in love with him all the time,calling him, sending pictures of herself to him, showing up at our house when nobody was home, called SO's mother bawling, and had her father call SO. She even went as far as to go down to the school that my BD(6), she was 5 at the time to talk with her, after she was told not to by my SO. Apparently she felt the need to ask my BD if she wanted to come over to her house and play. Really!? Believe me when I tell you, I feel your pain. SO's Ex is a complete nut job. She was stalking him before he and I even got together.
It took a lot of pushing to get him to understand how frustrating this was to me and a lot more patients. The final straw for him was when she call CPS and filed false allegations of child abuse on him because she didn't like the fact that he wouldn't answer her phone calls any more or the texts, unless they were kid related. She told SO that she couldn't trust him any more because of the other influence in his life, meaning me. Yep, SO was done at that point. We are now at email contact only unless it's an emergency. Of course she fought this at first, but things have been getting better now that there are boundaries in place.