Ex mum in law funeral
My ex mother in law is seriously ill and ive been wondering what will happen if she passes away. Should i attend her funeral?i was friends with my ex wife until last year. We divorced 6 years ago.last year ex wife took me to solicitor because i stopped jumping to her demands.we havnt spoke since. We have 2 kids together. 18 and 16.i live 79 miles away now with girlfriend and new baby and my kids i still see.i had no problem with ex mum in law but if she passes i would feel awkward at her funeral due to ex and i not speaking.and im not sure if ex would give me a hard time at funeral.should i just send a sympathy card?i was good to ex before she took me to solicitor. I helped her out with money before she took me to solicitor when i refused to leave my girlfriend and baby for 4 days to look after my kids and her dog in her house so she and her new husband could go on vacation.if we were on good terms id go to her mums funeral,but we are not and id feel awkward and dont know if ex would cause a scene!
I think you have answered
I think you have answered your own question, whilst you got on with your ex mother in law, the relationship between you and your ex has deteriorated to such an extent that YOU would feel awkward if you attended the funeral. And whilst its all nice to show your respects, the woman is first your exes mother.
When was the last time you spoke to your ex mother in law? If you also havent spoken to her in the last few years then I dont see why you should feel bad for not attending. Send a sympathy card by all means, if you and your ex end up having to speak then express your sympathy.
If your ex invites you to the funeral, or if anyone else invites you to the funeral then you have to make the decision as to whether you will politely decline to enable her immediate family to say their goodbyes in peace, or whether you would actually like to go to pay your respects.
Your kids are 18 and 16 so they arent likely to need you there to support them either.
i visited my ex mother in law
:jawdrop: i visited my ex mother in law last about a year ago with my kids. That was before fall out with ex.ex was using me as i would mind my kids and my dog in her house so she could go away on vacation. But i met a new girl had a baby and we are getting married soon. I told ex i wouldnt be minding kids and dog anymore as im in new relationship with baby but was single then. And kids are now 18 and 16. Ex then went to solicitor to get her own way.thats why we dont speak now.
Go to the funeral. Pay your
Go to the funeral. Pay your respects. Your toxic petty manipulative whiney XW should have no influence regarding you paying your respects.
If she makes a big deal about your presence then be classy, have some choice ass baring but subtle words to broadcast at any choice public moment in which XW chooses to be an idiot.
I would not let her crap prevent you from attending.
My XILs and I were pretty close. When they pass I may go to their funerals. If I can get past their status as federal felons/convicts. Their convictions occurred 19 years after my divorce from their daughter but I still have difficulty separating the people I knew and cared for from the dirtbag embezzlers.
IMHO the issues of attending
IMHO the issues of attending the funeral of an XIL is entirely dependent on the behavior of other people. I would go, pay my respects, and not interfere in any way ... unless.... the X or one of their delegates gets nasty. Then all bets are off.
The onus of reasonable behavior applies to everyone in the mix and violation of reasonable behavior should be addressed firmly, effectively, and in real time.
If they are reasonable, there will no issues. It is better to be prepared than not. The toxic opposition has usually established the baseline of how they will behave and as such they have established their own baseline of how they will be dealt with if they behave unreasonably.
I maintain that if the relationship with the deceased XIL was one that warrants attendance and paying of respects that those respects should be paid. It is not the opposition’s choice to decide that. It is yours.
I spent the last year
I spent the last year fighting with her through solicitors letters, we dont speak now and things have calmed down.my kids have only started visiting me at new girlfriends house after 8 months. I dont want any more crap and i know she would give it.best to stay away from her drama!
That is your choice. It is a
That is your choice. It is a good one for you. Send a big flower arrangement.
That is your choice. It is a
That is your choice. It is a good one for you. Send a nice flower arrangement.
Not sure if you read my post
Not sure if you read my post properly.i dont speak now with ex since she got solicitors involved to get her own selfish way. She wouldnt invite me and i wont be calling her. And i dont want to just turn up as she could start her drama.
Funerals are for the living.
Funerals are for the living. Send a card or flowers. The only way I would consider it is if your children ask for you to go
My ex mother in law was a
My ex mother in law was a good person. Its just sad its came to this.i respect everyones opinion but was just puzzled as cant see how i would get an invite or i dont speak to her so i wouldnt ask her. its not just about having a go at the ex. I dont like arguements as they are stressful.
My ex mother in law was a
My ex mother in law was a good person. Its just sad its came to this.i respect everyones opinion but was just puzzled as cant see how i would get an invite or i dont speak to her so i wouldnt ask her. its not just about having a go at the ex. I dont like arguements as they are stressful.
You should ask your children,
You should ask your children, What they want. When my grandmother was my second mother, when she passed away I didn't want my BM there, so I asked her not to attend.
Dad's mom. My mom's mother
Dad's mom. My mom's mother and I agreed to disliked one another. I called her by her first name and when she passed away I refuse to go to her funeral. My BM and her family is like a black Teleanova.
Dad's mom. My mom's mother
Dad's mom. My mom's mother and I agreed to disliked one another. I called her by her first name and when she passed away I refuse to go to her funeral. My BM and her family is like a black Teleanova.
Of course you should not go.
Of course you should not go. To do so would be inciting drama and pointless. If you liked MIL so much, you can talk to her now while she is actually living, you could send flowers and a card, or you can visit her grave site after the funeral is over. You don't have to be at the actual funeral to "pay respects". And all three of those options do not involve offending other people who do not wish to share their grief with you.
If my ex MIL had passed while
If my ex MIL had passed while my kids were (young) minors, I likely would have attended as support for them, but kept a low profile. They are now adults, so I would not. But I would likely go to the cemetery at a later date to pay my respects.
Making an appearance when you are uncomfortable and feel the ex may cause a scene? Why?
My ex and I are on speaking
My ex and I are on speaking terms but I wouldn't want him at any funeral of my family. It is bad enough to deal with grief on such a level and have the ex there.
Maybe send flowers but def don't do what Rags said (sorry Rags) if you do go. You have no business starting crap with anyone if they say you shouldn't have gone.
Since she's still alive - why
Since she's still alive - why not go see her before she kicks the bucket?