dont know what to do.. losing it!!
I am not really sure how to put into words what I want to say.. but here goes..
I have posted before about SS who will be 13 in a few weeks, he has definate behavior issues, and I told his dad that I am stepping back and he can deal with him.
We had the weekend from hell here, I can not even begin to explain how awful it was.. SS runs this house, if he is mad he will refuse to eat, refuse to talk and if you talked to him he looked at you like something out of a Stephen King movie.. and I knwo some will say well then ignore him and he will eat when he is hungry.. my problem is that he never says anything and so we dont know how far the anger has escalated in his mind.. and at some point he is gonna lash out, let the anger go.
A few months ago he was at his mothers house and he got on the computer, looked up porn, got an account on a porn dating site and posted some very disturbing things, he watched a movie that SD11 said it was "men and women kissing and touching privates and 2 girls doing the same things", now if that isnt bad enough he watched this movie with his 5 yr old 1/2 sister in the room.. SD said she tried to get SS to turn it off and said it was bad, he told her to shut up so she said shejust kept trying to make sure the little girl didnt see any of it.. when the movie was over SS decided he was gonna "tickle" SD,when I said where did he tickle you .. she pointed at her chest, I gave her a hug and told her it will be ok, we will figure it out and she then said it was under her shirt.. btw BM was in bed. I called children and youth services on her, they did nothing.. DH said he is allowed to do whatever he wants to do over there.. blah blah blah.. blamed BM..
Well I thought I was losing my mind because I see this as a HUGE problem.. I yell at DH.. this is HIS daughter he needs to do something about this!!
so anyways this morning I call SS doctor, who put him on concerta 3 wks ago, explained somethings and then the incident that happened at BMs house.. her exact words were "oh honey you have a huge problem here, that is completely inappropriate for a 12 yr old" if he does that now, what will he do when the hormones kick in?? the dr said she wanted to start rispridal right away.. we talked for almost 45 mins.. anyways my problem is that I have a 7 yr old little girl here, I do not trust SS, DH said he does not trust SS, I suggest that maybe until we know we can let our 7 yr old sleep in her own bed, and SD feels safe at night SS should go live somewhere else.. DH blows up at me saying what if we are wrong what are the consequences, like how will that effect SS ?? umm it will effect him alot effing less if he touched one of these girls.. cuz my ass would be in jail! but I argue what are the consequences for the girls if we are right and he stays here.. DH says he will never hurt anyone.. (guess he wanted to provoke more anger in me)
a yr ago I told DH that he was going to act out sexually, and he did.. I believe it is only a matter of time before he does it again, I try my best to make sure I know where he is and what he is doing at all times..but there is always the night.. I dont sleep well, I am not 100% sure that I will not wake up and SS will have a knife to my throat, or find out that he has been sexually abusing one of the girls..
I have thought long and hard.. and if it was my kid he would be gone.. I would still try to get help but I am not willing to put my kids in a potentially dangerous situation, because it might hurt SS feelings.. oh and by the way SS has never showed that he cares where he is, it does not matter who he is with or where he is at.. so I dont think it would matter if he went to live somewhere else.. is it right to sacrifice 3 (2 girls and 1 boy) at the cost of saving 1??
... and then DH accuses me
... and then DH accuses me of just wanting him out, not caring aboutSS or where he goes.. yes that is why I have quit everything else in my effing life to make sure I am here to call the Drs. wait for the Drs. to call me, talk to the school, principal, psychologist, hound for a quicker appt at the psychatrist instead of waiting 1 1/2 yrs for it, thats why I check his homework and help with it nightly, I drop everything and take him to the drs. appts for his ADD, I spend my time trying to fill out these bullshit reports and papers for the school.. yes yes.. I can see where I dont give a shit about him!! GRRR
WOWs. What a situation! When
WOWs. What a situation! When you called SS's doctor, did you tell her that you tried to get CYS involved? Doesn't a doctor have a responsibility to report certain things to CYS ? Especially if she agreed that the behavior is inappropiate.
You need to protect your children. I hate to say, maybe external locks on SS13's door when he is there?
yes.. I did tell her that I
yes.. I did tell her that I called CYS (must be youre in Pennsylvania lol), and I have to say I believed the dropped the ball.. the kids told the case worker that they would hear their mom and boyfriend having sex (that turns my stomache)
my kids never see anything more than a hug or a peck of a kiss.. there is no making out sessions in front of them.. and to leave your kids up while you go have sex is something I can not even wrap my head around!
but cys said the case is closed.
omg.. I almost forgot about
omg.. I almost forgot about the things he says on the bus to other kids about fucking their mothers.. and those are his exact words..
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I do not understand why DH
I do not understand why DH would be sooo concerned with the implications on SS to send him to live somewhere else.. I think it is more important what it would do to either of the girls if we are right!! I have not heard DH ONE time say anything about how it would effect the girls.. I got in his face yelling at him and told him what HIS son did to HIS daughter was crossing a line and illegal, and HE should feel as obligated to defend his daughter as he does his son.. if SS even thinks about touching any of thekids here I will not be responsible for my actions! I want to leave, I want to pack my kids and leave, but I can not walk out of this house and leave SD alone. I could fight for custody of her, after all its not proven that DH is her bio father anyways..
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"I'd be very vigilant and
"I'd be very vigilant and the very next offense would warrant a call to the police and having charges filed." Very well put.. and that is the plan.
I had a talk with SD, she feels like she was failed before, she said when they go to their moms SS always asks her if she wants to "fight" again, which is what he called it when he went up her shirt, she ignores him or says no and he gets angry, she also said that he has been goin in her room when she gets dressed, she will tell him to go out cuz she is getting dressed and he willjust stand there and look at her, she will tell him again and he will go behind the door or something, she has to tell him to get OUT again he gets angry and leaves the room.. SD does not feel safe in her own home, she is afraid I will leave and she will be alone.. I told her I wouldnt do that, if I left because of the situation then she was going with me.
I called DH and told him what SD let me know, the only thing I asked her was "do you have any issues with SS" .. well after I told DH what she told me he said simply "I see" I wanted to jump thru the damn phone and choke the life out of him!!
I dont know if SS will make it to juvie if he touches one of the girls, if for some reason my 19 yr old son gets to him before I do, he will be in the hospital..
closing your eyes to something just because you dont want it to be true does not make it so...
DH had better jump on his bus, or he is gonna be missing 3 of his kids, and that includes SD because I WILL take her with me!
UGH. I can't believe he is
UGH. I can't believe he is willing to put the girls at risk because he refuses to admit this is a problem.
"That's how women are, aren't they? We want to know that others have been where we've been, who understand our fragile places, and who see our sunsets in the same shades of blue" - Beth Moore
I am floored that he is
I am floored that he is willing to make the consequences for SS going somewhere else his #1 priority.. and not the fact that he admitted himself that he does not trust SS with the girls.. but they are 2nd best.. he says if anything liek that happens he will kill the kid.. and I said thats like sticking them in the middle of the road and saying eh I will take them to the hospital if they get hit by a fucking semi.. it will not undo the damage done to the girls..
This kid, SS, is very capable, I do not believe it is an if he will, I believe it is when he will
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I am watchinghim like a
I am watchinghim like a hawk!!