I think I may have relayed some stories that "I saw online in a posting group about stepfamilies".. to my dh.  But, NO, I have not told him specifically about the site or if I have posted.

Honestly, this space is meant for people to put voice to things that honestly might not be well recieved by their spouses.  People VENT.. and can say some not so nice things that would be pretty hard to get past if they said them to their spouse.  I mean, sometimes the answer we give is "this is something you need to discuss with your spouse.. but this is how best to approach it to get a positive reaction".

Here people can vent and say the inner voice things without having to worry about real life consequences with their family members and their friends.  Sometimes all people need to do is blow off some steam.  Sometimes people are able to commiserate about the frustrations.. sometimes people can give advice that more normalizes it or helps the person put it into perspective.. or offers solutions that may improve the situation.

But, I don't think it would be necessarily helpful for most of the poster's spouses to be part of this process... the beauty of this site is being able to post anonymously.. without hurting ourselves or families.

Yes, my DH84 knows I'm on a site.  He is totally untechnical and doesn't even know how to access Google and is doing well to make a call on his cell.  I tell him about some of the more lurid stories.  He calls the members my "patients".  If I'm texting and he's trying to get my attention, he says, " What are you doing, talking to your patients?"  Lol.

My DH knows I'm on a site...sometimes I suspect he's found it as he mentioned once that "I was following what the dammmmmed step mother site wants me to do...." but really, unless he asks directly, I don't care. It's my place, he doesn't get it. I need this place. I don't advertise it for sure.

Mine does.  I know he wouldn't look anyway.  Plus I don't complain about him and he agrees with my complaints about SS21, so I don't mind telling him. 

No. I originally came to this site because I needed someplace to vent about SKids, because I couldn't keep venting to DH...also, because sometimes I need to vent about DH. 

I sometimes tell him that I know what I'm feeling or experiencing as a stepmom is common, based on what I've read, but don't tell him where I read these things. 

Yep. He has even read some of my posts. Knows my username, too.

I have told him that if he doesn't want my unfiltered opinion that he needs to not look here. I have said things more bluntly here than I'd sometimes say to him. I think he respects that and doesn't look unless I ask him to or tell him it's okay, but if he does look, he was warned.

My H knows that I used to be on a site for SMs. However, I have a very strong suspicion that he not only knows about this site, but he knows my user name and he reads what I post and comment. The reason I suspect this is because he's an IT professional and whenever I post a blog venting about some bullshit that I just can't take anymore, H suddenly changes that day. I have actually posted blogs on purpose to get changes I've wanted and what do ya know? He changes that day. Another reason I suspect is because right now we're both working from home. Him downstairs and me upstairs. Whenever I'm active on here, H acts like he's taking a stroll upstairs and starts acting like he's casually looking out of the two windows right beside and behind my desk. I hear him coming up the stairs and I immediately minimize the screen. There have also been times that I've let fly a totally unfiltered vent of exactly what I think of my SD32 and then H suddenly starts making the odd comment about things that he doesn't approve of that SD does when normally he raves about her. DH is considered a very highly skilled IT guy in the same organization that I work in, so I know he has ways of tracking who is at what website. He's worked with the RCMP on that before, so I know he can do it easily. 

Yes my dh knows about ST.

From the very start.

No joke, we were lead to believe our awful situation was unique. A single stand alone case that no Judge ever experienced before. No one ever heard of OR could imagine in their wildest dreams, a bm like ours...It was simply unheard of.

.  Certainly we HAD to have it all wrong...well she IS a mother of CHILLLL-DRENNN . No mother would do those things.

Then ST was found.

Everyone on here had the same problems. It's nuts.

Finding ST was such a huge relief for myself and my dh.

In the very beginning we both felt so alone. That is an awful feeling.

So, yes he knows and he is thankful too.

My DH knows i USED to post, he was hurt at first and asked how i would feel about him posting on here about my daughters.  I told him if it helped him process his feelings about being a step father i think it would be a good thing.... he never said anything more about it. 

I don't know if he even remembers that this site exists. 

DH knows I go on SM forums and discussion boards. I don't think he knows the site specifically. I used to go on Second Wives Cafe a lot. But I don't think they were as realistic. Just my experience. 

When I come here I'm looking for a totally objective opinion and to vent. DH is of course biased (I think most are). So that's why so many SM feel the need to come to sites like this. 

My DH knows, I have even asked him advice for users.

Anything that I would say on here about my SD or BM, I have already said to my DH. But, I found this site for a different reason than most.

I read her a number of the comments, etc... on a regular basis.

She does not come to the community, monitor, or paricipate. But she does make recommendations that I frequently share in my STalk life.  I do not hide anything from her. I openly talk about the community though I doubt she knows the name of it off hand.

Full disclosure, I definately do not discuss the details of any comments I may make regarding my IL clan.  Though she is fully aware of the plethora of issues regarding her family.

Mine does.  Not that I post a lot but we discuss what I post and quite a few others.

Pretty sure he doesn't know the site or my username off hand but it wouldn't be an issue for him to read what I post.  I've handed him my phone to read, it's not something make any attempt to hide.

He is happy that I can find understanding here because try as he might, that's not something he can truly offer.

I don't think its something he needs to know about.  Its not that its hidden, its just I haven't mentioned it.  He knows what I think, because I tell him. 

This was a place for me to vent when things were at there worst.  And the biggest resource was reading other peoples experiences and feeling less alone.  

Mine does, I often read him advice given to me. He has asked before that I post here even. He doesn't mind, he knows we deal with stuff that isn't normal, even in blended families. 

ExSO knew but we did not have step-related issues. He called it my soap opera website (lol) but would often ask me for updates on some of the stories I would tell him about. I'd also read some blogs to him at times, the juicy ones! 

In my previous relationship that brought me here, I never told him about this site and would only use it on my phone or in private browsing mode. It was not that I was not honest with him about how I felt about his kid, but it's that I felt that my blogs were like a diary and I felt he didn't deserve to read them. He also could not see past his own nose so there's that... he would have simply disagreed with everything I wrote anyway. Good times. 

My ex did. He even asked to see what I wrote and what I got as an answer. 

But just one time.

It's the best place here for people who are going thru a rough time.

And I don't care for him to find out. His ignorance is my bliss. He occasionally sees the screen when I'm here but I doubt the content registers. I read and post here and on one other site where posters can be a little, let us say, unkind to spouses. My browsers are set to delete cookies and history when I close them. I will sometimes read him something amusingly idiotic ("My husband never spends the night at home and when he's here he reeks of perfume that's not mine, do you think he's cheating?") but generally I prefer him to be uninterested. When he asks what I'm doing I tell him I'm on "one of my agony aunt sites" which does the trick immediately, as though I announced I was tuning in to a daytime soap.

I intend for it to stay this way.

, nope, and nope.

Knows I journal electronically but not aware I blog about our situ. So it's safe to write about all the unbelieveable b.s. because instead of fueling his gaslighting & triangulation efforts, I vent here in safety thanks to you my dear friends. Thank you for being here, I appreciate this outlet & my ST connections more than I can adequately express. 

That's a great question! Given how many people complain about their SO on this site I imagine it would be no for a lot of people. For me personally, my DH knows I've been on and off forums like this for years but doesn't know any specifics because he hasn't asked. I wouldn't hide it from him if he did ask though. 

When we got married I couldn't even agree with HIS vents about his kids without him backtracking to defend them, so he definitely would have his feelings hurt if he knew I was on here. He knows I have a therapist I go to from time to time but I know his curiousity would be out the roof if he thought I was posting about them and I wouldn't blame him, I would feel the same if I thought he was posting stuff about my kids. If he asked Ii wouldn't lie about it but I have no reason to point it out.

I read direct quotes from comments on postings Ive made.

He sometimes will even say something like "what would your steptalkers think if they heard you right now!!!!"

When Ive complained "graphically" about SD15 who backstabbed me in April.

Most of the time I give general synopsis of the wild things that match what we are going through.

yes he does, hes doesnt love it. he thinks you guiys are brain washing me lol thats so funny, he doesnt have my passowrd and stuff i do this at work . i come here to talk to people like me , hes just worried ill leave if you tell me what i already know. lol