Does it ever get better?
I am newly married to a great guy even though there are some things that drive me nuts. Like:
He has a very hard time giving SS15 responsibilities and allows him to make the decisions on everything he wants to do, eat, which house to stay, etc. He has gotten better about dealing with BM even though I had to throw a fit to get her to stop calling him every day on his cell especially while he was at work. He has laid down some bounderies with her and things have been more peaceful. I still hate seeing her though. Sometimes I just feel like I am so inadequate. This SM stuff is so hard. I feel like I get blamed for SS not being happy and I wonder if DH is happy. I liked the comment about focusing on my marriage and not the Skids. That has helped me alot. Another thing as the second wife and not BM do you ever get over the feeling that he wishes it would have worked out with BM? He was with her for years and even though things turned sour and he divorced her I still wonder if he wishes. One more thing he always takes up for BM. If she does something stupid he will say that's just how she is or that's the way she's always been. It drives me crazy. I know he loves me but how do you deal with this daily? Does it ever get better?
I've been ,arried for three
I've been ,arried for three years and I still deal with the same things you described in your post... I am hoping that someday it will get better
I don't know that it gets
I don't know that it gets "better" I think it just gets "different" I think what worked for me was to just tell myself that if I have no control over something then I am going to try my hardest to not let it bother me. Certainly this does NOT always work, but I think it has helped.
Pitching a bitch about BM nonsense can be a double edged sword. DH used to share with me nonsense that BM was pulling or that she called wanting something and then I would get pissed... so then he quit sharing because he was afraid of pissing me off... then I got pissed because he was keeping secrets. He felt like he was in a no win situation and he was. That was when I decided to let him handle her and to step outside of that nonsense. Now certainly if she is causing drama that is causing DH stress, he knows he can vent to me and I will have his back but as far as stupid normal interactions about SS I don't want to know... I trust him and know that he only communicates with her when it directly involves SS.
wow...I can so relate to all
wow...I can so relate to all you just said. I feel the same way. BM has such control over him still it is crazy. I always feel second best but yet I honestly don't think he wants her back if that makes any sense. He almost acts like it makes him happy or something when she calls him to fix her car, borrow money, or take her other kids for the weekend. It is me who pays the price. I have absolutely no downtime while BM doesn't have to work and goes out and does whatever she wants and she doesn't even have custody of the daughter they have together.
It is crazy.... but I have
It is crazy.... but I have heard so many SM's say the same thing. I have gotten mad at him and asked "if she was so great why did you file for divorce?" "why do you always take up for her?" but he cannot give me an answer. It is always the same responses "that's just how I am" or "I am just trying to get along" oh and, "I was with her for years" and "she's the mother of my child" Ughhh!
Oh yeah, I have heard some of
Oh yeah, I have heard some of those things. "I don't wanna rock the boat" "There is nothing I can do about it" etc...Whateva!! Grow some balls men!!!
OMG...I really hate
OMG...I really hate that..."That is the way she is" (he does the same with his ill behaving child)My BF actually said when BM had a bf that he had treated her so much better than her new BF...WTF!
I hate saying that it doesn't
I hate saying that it doesn't get better; in your situation it may. DEF focus on your marriage let dad deal w/ it; if he can live w/ the decisions he makes then fine. I have been with my SD now 13 since she was 1 and I hate to say it; but it got worse. Daddy never gave her boundries, or rules. It has taken me seven months since she has lived with us for him to finally see his mistakes; or else I was leaving........Good luck to you