Many of us are BMs and SMs. I, for one, have frequently disagreed with a SM on this site and explained the BM perspective. Doing so in a respectful manner does not constitute "bashing".

For example, the blog about BM sending the kids in crappy clothes, which is what I think you're talking about. My ex used to accuse me of this as well. The truth is he picked them up from daycare and they always wore crappy clothes to daycare because they got dirty, torn, etc. If SM were spying on me and complaining that every time she saw me in public the kids were in nice clothes, well, that would earn a big ass eye roll from me and a suggestion that dad buy some decent clothes for his weekend.

Believe it or not, sometimes allowing yourself to see the other parent's side of things can significantly reduce the drama in your life.

doesn't annoy me...if SM is dumb enough to bash me on here or bm is brave enough......more power to them }:)

don't respond to the bashing, that's what they are after

r we gonna see a cat fight ladies?

Ok all, breathe... I think everyone is looking to get ideas and help-even if we have disagreements.

I do disagree with this "This site is designed mostly for NCP SMs who have guilty DHs and manipulative, PAS bonging skids."

Really? Is that the mission statement or is that what you want it to be?
Everyone is welcome here unless they break the rules. If you want a board that is strictly what you say this one is (it's not)...you can create your own website rather then tryign to kick everyone off who doesn't fit your profile?
I read this:

StepTalk.org provides a place for stepparents to vent about their issues, offer support, provide solutions, give helpful advice, and ask questions on step parenting and blended families. Register for a free account and start blogging about your stepparent situation. Feel free to comment on anything you see. Enjoy.

Is this site for Step Parents only?
Absolutely NOT!
Even IF we wanted to restrict this site to step parents only, there's just no way we could. Think about it, there is absolutely no way to verify that someone is a step parent. Anyone can lie about their parenting status.
Our slogan is "where stepparents come to vent", but that in no way means that we don't welcome anyone else. We welcome anyone who wants to contribute to this site in a constructive way, even if they aren't a parent at all. As long as you play by our rules, you're welcome!
On the flip-side, if you don't play by the rules, you will not be welcome here. That applies to everyone, irregardless of your parenting status or how long you've been a member."

There you go-it welcomes everyone-NOW-if the Admins want to take action when people get nasty-they should and they do and there are rules....but there is nothing that says that this is only for NON custodial step moms w/guilty daddies with pas'd kids. Let's at least be honest.

I realize some posters want it to be solely for a small group of women here...but we are all here in some form/fashion learning about these situations. We're trying to learn because we WANT it to be succesful and not have pas'd kids.
I think I am a better BM because of it-though I can honestly say I looked at the "checklist" provided once and I do NOT do those things w/my kids, ever.

I play the role of a stepmom EOW and some days during the week (like last night).

I agree people shouldn't come on the board for the sole purpose of swiping at people already suffering-that is WRONG. But disagreeing arguments or opinions does not automatically qualify them to trolling pas'ing BM's. I strongly disagree with that assertion.

Spunki-let me ask you something..you and I are actually in very similar situations.

Does your exh pay CS? I see your point about him buying his own things for them-BUT if they pay CS then that is to go to buy clothes as well.

My exh pays a very small amount for two kids really. BUT I do try and pack the same clothes they wear at our house. If he tells me they are going to church Sunday I'll pack something nice for that day. It's a pain in the ass, sure...but I'm not doing this for my ex-I'm sure my sons don't want to look nasty/ratty in old clothes when going out w/dad to the mall or his friends house (they would probably refuse to wear it anyway!) Just a suggestion but it's a small token and being considerate of the kids mainly to pack their usual daily stuff. Particularly if he is paying CS...some battles or points are just not worth making.

Our BM, mainly lets the girl pack her own stuff so she brings what she wants. I've never dealt w/her coming over in ratty clothes and I try to not send the boys to their dad that way-it's really just a basic respect thing.

NOW-if you know they are going to be doing something to get all nasty/dirty/torn then sure-send a bad set and good set if they want to clean up later. OR if they always come back torn/broken then I would see your point-but otherwise as a BM I can't understand why you would send them that way to their dads.

Sorry Spunki-I'm not trying to give you a tutorial...my kids also only spend 2 nights a month at their dads...total of 56-60hrs a month (about for which 20 are sleeping).

I guess I just never know if they are going to go to a friends house, or a mall or sports thing- or whatever-I don't really ask-so I just pack a variety of things for them so they can pick/chose when they are there like they would at home. It grates me to no end-and I wish my kids would pack their own bags-BUT like yours mine have to be warmed up and convinced to go as they prefer not to-if I had them make the bag it would NOT get done lol.

I'm hoping this year they will start w/their own bag though. It's getting tougher having the bf around because they definately prefer him over their dad.

I totally see the point about the school clothes-it gets annoying that they grow so fast and already you're having to turn around and buy more lol. Not to mention how on earth boys gets so many holes in their darn jeans!!

I'm just so irritated w/our BM right now-I swear this woman is a piece of work-that kids is nothing but a CS check for her.

EVERYtime she can she pawns the kid off on friends, her parents, her family, my bf's family, my bf...even the one wknd she DOES have her we find out the girl spends the night twice at a friends house (two nights in a row)...and per the girl only got 6hrs of sleep each night and hated being there. ALWAYS an excuse, work, a meeting, a dinner, the gym, surgery, whathaveyou...to not ever spend time w/the girl and try to get everyone else to take care of her. It makes me sick. BUT "full custody" on paper gives her CS.

I keep telling my bf he really needs to start documenting all these times he hears about her spending the night or day elsewhere not w/her mom.

Oh no, they're most certainly welcome to be here.

If they're also SMs, they here legitimately. And if they share their BMs point-of-view, it may help us understand BMs better or it may just re-enforce a Stepparent's negative views of BM's.

Yup, it's annoying to come to a site for stepparents to vent and get crushed by someone who thinks and talks just like your real life BM, but you just have to take the bits and pieces that you want and ignore the rest. Think of it as practice for ignoring the BM drama in your real life.

I couldn't care less what BM has to say about me..I was good enough to raise her son, so whatever...let the bitch talk smack

I personally don't believe BM should be thrown off of the site. I am a BM and SM. Granted I don't have to deal with my daughter having a SM - her dad is not that active in her life at all. AND to be honest, BMs opinion of me is not that important - cause she is not that important in my life. I get upset when she takes her anger out on her precious little daughter in an attempt to get at DH and myself. That is when i feel she is pathetic and triffling. It is sad. She can lie on us all she likes, hate my very guts... but don't let that affect your child. That is the bottom line. The children are the most important in any of these situations.

About the earlier comments on clothing. BM in our situation receives alot of child support..... alot. AND keeps SD looking nice where they live. We have driven many times to her state/town and seen SD in school and other events and she looks adorable. But BM constantly sends clothes 2 sizes or more to small and stuff that I know she would not let sd where there. So there is no way we allow her to look like that here. We purchased clothing here for SD to wear. Why even really fuss or complain about it - then BM achieves her goal - to start drama.

We document it for court - contempt hearing coming up in January. Text her that she did not send proper sizes, right number or proper medication.... and let it ride. Then we save her responses and that's it. Her opinion of us does not matter - although she is entitled to think whatever she likes.

Same view with on here.... I don't agree with everyones blogs.... so i don't bother with getting all bent out of shape when reading them. Folks are entitled to their own opinions. I am not here to bash but to uplift and vent about my own situation. So the ones that are geared at foolishness lets just ignore and continue to uplift and help one another.

I agree with imagr8ma, opinions are a plenty in here, and we need to respect each and every bloggers opinion..I vent, and I give advice, because I want to give back. I want to share my own experiences, and if I see someone going through the same stuff I've gone through, I want to help. I'm a BM, and a SM, but I don't have to deal with any SM's for my kids, my ex never remarried...and if he gets a GF, they live 2,000 miles away, so my kids have no contact with her