Do you feel a sense of relief that the holidays, especially Christmas, are over? I feel like I am back to being me...happy and (mostly) carefree! I do not ever remember a Christmas where I felt like the Grinch before. I love it all...decorating, baking, choosing special gifts for those I love...and beautifully wrapping said gifts, Christmas cards, spending time with those I love, etc. I did not realize until it was all done how tense? awful?...not sure of the right word...I was. I'm just glad it's over. I do not like feeling 'Grinchy'!
Anyone else experience this? Please tell me about it.
Yes, I feel the same, I think its part oof getting older. For me, its a combination of more work (decorating the tree, gifts - even if I enjoy thise things) and interaction with many people in a short period. And, let's face it, if you're on this site, some of those people are problematic
I look forward to January. Even if it's cold, I feel more normal, back to my routines, less financial pressure. I love it.
Not because the Holidays are over. But because SIL arrives late tomorrow evening. SIL is a crook, a scam artist, and will play every pathetic card immaginable to rip off anyone for anything. Her family are her targets as no one will press charges or beat her ass for it when she steals.
She is coming for a sister's weekend with my DW. This push started a few months ago and fortuneately has been reduced to two days instead of the week or more that was originally discussed.
We had a great holiday season. It started with us flying to my parent's for TG. We had 10 days at mom and dads with multiple Rags clan gatherings with some combination of us, mom and dad, my brother and SIL, and their kids and their SOs. The only clan members absent were our kid and Nephew 1's bride. SS had to work and is having a falr up of social anxiety regarding flying and crowds. N-1's bride is also struggling with some as yet to be named issue as well as wallowing in the usual holiday drama regarding her very elderly father, her very young mother and her DH and their three 20 years younger children. 20 years younger than N-1's bride.
DW and I spent a week in a resort on the Las Vegas strip the second week of Dec, checked out on Friday and mom and dad arrived Friday evening to spend the holidays with us for 2 wks. They just left to road trip home this AM.
If SIL was not invading this weekend, I would declare this an entirely amazing holiday season.
I'm more relaxed now that the holidays are over too. It's sad to say, but the awkward and stressful situation in which I'm forced to be in close quarters with SS with no escape makes the holidays a lot less enjoyable. I guess this is my holidays for the forseeable future. I wish it were different.
...am glad that the passing holidays brings peace! I try to focus on the positives, although I really found that tough this year...this is why I dubbed myself the Grinch.
I wonder if you could make new traditions for just you and your husband? We are doing that! Our first Christmas together it was all about his family...Christmas Eve and Christmas too. Why? Because that's the way it always was! I brought it up right after the holidays; my DH had never questioned it, he had been single for almost 20 years. The next year it was better, still some pressure from his family to get together both days. Strangely enough, we were saved by Covid, I certainly was not getting together with anyone who had Covid. (Those with Covid stayed home from Christmas Eve, but most got together the next day without the elderly. Interesting how they were not interested in the advice of a medical professional?! Hmmm.... Very telling, I believe.) It has evolved to his family (large group) on Christmas Eve and mine (small group) on Christmas. I prefer small and intimate. Other than that, we have found that we like spending the time together, just the 2 of us. Relaxing, watching movies, cooking a fun meal. Maybe you could adapt something like that? A small portion of your day to include SS, but then just you and DH.
I, too, wish the step nonsense was different. I think sometimes that it was best I didn't know what I was signing up for.... I wouldn't trade my DH in for anyone, so we do our best to navigate the storm and create what works best for us.
Blessings to you in the new year...I hope this is your best ever!
There are some silver linings to the pandemic. Sounds like it helped to reset the holidays for your dh. My dh only had a few Xmases as a divorced dad. Since they don't have a big family, it was just the three of them - dh, bm, and ss. The first and second Xmas we started dating, dh spent it with them, and it was just bs and me as it had been for many years. I thought it would be hard to get dh to stop spending the holidays with his ex because to them, it was a cult of 3 in a big world. But by the third Xmas, he did. During that third Xmas, dh had also stopped buying bm Xmas gifts (via ss). She was very upset about that, and called SS and sobbed about being lonely and about feeling sad that no one got her anything. I thought that was totally crappy for SS. My sister and I are both divorced and have spent Xmases on our own, and when the kids were little, we didn't get anything either, but neither of us would dream of burdening our kids with that kind of guilt.
I'm not sure if we can do things that much differently going forward. Dh and bm are not really in touch with (half-)siblings nor any other family. My family's big holiday is Thanksgiving. On Xmas, we pretty much celebrate on our own, allowing the kids time at home to open gifts and hunker down. So when we do have ss, it's just the four of us - dh, me, bs, and ss. There is no where to turn or hide.
This Xmas, ss didn't throw a fit, but at every other Xmas, ss became depressed and even sobbed to dh about missing out on family and not getting enough gifts. So I think dh would feel super guilty if there was any attempt to limit time with him on Xmas when it's our turn.
That kid would go to zero gifts instantly when they pulled that shit. Their gives would immediately be loaded in the car and taken to the Salvation Army drop off. The message would then be "Next year we will try again. You pull this crap next year, all of your gifts will go to kids who appreciate getting anything. You will keep donating your gifts to those who appreciate them if you play these pouty not enough gifts games." Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
DW always had full physical and legal custody as the CP while SS-32 was growing up. Because the SpermClan are members of a fringe Christian cult that does not recognize or celebrate Christmas, visitation for the entire 16 years of the CO never included Dec 25. The Judge made that clear in the CO and did that because SpermGrandHag made it clear in court that they do not believe in or celebrate Christmas. The winter holiday alternated on even and and odd years. Even years it was from the day school ended until Dec 24. Odd years it was Dec 26 until the day before school started. This made Christmas pretty much drama free. It also made TG drama free since visitation was limited to summer (5wks), winter (1wk), and spring (1wk).
When the SpermIdiot started adding three more also out of wedlock spawn by two more baby mamas SpermGrandHag started the Christmas manipulations. Nope. They didn't believe in or celebrate Christmas, they did not get Christmas. The CO was clear and DW never once caved on Christmas day and would roll up the CO and beat the snot out of SpermGrandHag with it when she tried that guilt and manipulation crap. Figuratively of course.
Thanks for your perspective Rags. I feel like you have a different approach to mine, so I appreciate the opportunity to reflect. I totally understand that throwing a tantrum about not getting enough gifts sounds bratty. But I understood SS's disappointment as well. DH, me, and my BS all got several gifts under the tree that year, and SS got his room redecorated and cash, and only a few trinkets under the tree for him. Though I do not support his rampant materialism, I did see the sadness and hurt behind not getting much under the tree. And perhaps it is because of said materiailsm that he fetishizes and overvalues such gifts in a way that made him more vulnerable to getting hurt by not receiving the "love" expressed by these objects.
What I see is that his upbringing is responsible for his missplaced greed for material objects. His feelings of hurt and dejection are nonetheless real. So I very much balk at the notion that he should be punished for his attitude by depriving him of any gifts at all. Yet, I also want to encourage SS to not place so much value on expensive, material items.
Also, in reading what I wrote, it seems to me that getting one's room redecorated, cash and a few stocking stuffers sound pretty darn good. I was so annoyed when SS became depressed about not getting more, but I set that irritation aside when I saw how genuinely hurt he seemed. But maybe the bottom line is that feelings are only a symptom of larger values and expectations. Just because he's hurt doesn't entail jumping to his rescue?
By the way, it was after this Xmas that I speak of that there was one of several instances in which SS took and used his dad's credit card without permission. DH was so mad. But at the same time, DH finds it hard to condemn harshly SS's poor (even criminal) choices because it's very easy to interpret them as the result of hurt feelings and dysfunctions stemming from his mom's crazy parenting. I'm more clear-eyed, but am guilty of that too. I can't help but feel sorry for SS even while he steps on boundaries, lies and steals.
Feelings are not fact. They are there to point out a truth that has not been dealt with. I agree with you that your SSs values are askew. Does anybody talk about money with him? Or is he being raised to think all will be provided for magically and when he gets to be an adult will struggle ( like most skids on here).
No consequences for STEALING the credit card is bad in the long run. His father is doing him and society in general a real disservice sending him out into the world like that. We have enough young men in the US that have no idea how to function , support themselves and act in general. Coddling them is only making it worse. Young women are as fed up as we older women are with men. Just look around these boards. You are right to be annoyed with dynamic. So he got a little butthurt he didn't have boxes to unwrap. Maybe a line item spread sheet of the costs involved in the room redo , presented in an elaborately wrapped box would suffice.
?
Do you feel a sense of relief that the holidays, especially Christmas, are over? I feel like I am back to being me...happy and (mostly) carefree! I do not ever remember a Christmas where I felt like the Grinch before. I love it all...decorating, baking, choosing special gifts for those I love...and beautifully wrapping said gifts, Christmas cards, spending time with those I love, etc. I did not realize until it was all done how tense? awful?...not sure of the right word...I was. I'm just glad it's over. I do not like feeling 'Grinchy'!
Anyone else experience this? Please tell me about it.
Part of being older
Yes, I feel the same, I think its part oof getting older. For me, its a combination of more work (decorating the tree, gifts - even if I enjoy thise things) and interaction with many people in a short period. And, let's face it, if you're on this site, some of those people are problematic
I look forward to January. Even if it's cold, I feel more normal, back to my routines, less financial pressure. I love it.
Yes!
You are right, the mental load increases for sure. Also, the problematic people. I find it much too much.
I like your view on what January brings!
Just the opposite for me this year.
I dread that the Holidays are over.
Not because the Holidays are over. But because SIL arrives late tomorrow evening. SIL is a crook, a scam artist, and will play every pathetic card immaginable to rip off anyone for anything. Her family are her targets as no one will press charges or beat her ass for it when she steals.
She is coming for a sister's weekend with my DW. This push started a few months ago and fortuneately has been reduced to two days instead of the week or more that was originally discussed.
We had a great holiday season. It started with us flying to my parent's for TG. We had 10 days at mom and dads with multiple Rags clan gatherings with some combination of us, mom and dad, my brother and SIL, and their kids and their SOs. The only clan members absent were our kid and Nephew 1's bride. SS had to work and is having a falr up of social anxiety regarding flying and crowds. N-1's bride is also struggling with some as yet to be named issue as well as wallowing in the usual holiday drama regarding her very elderly father, her very young mother and her DH and their three 20 years younger children. 20 years younger than N-1's bride.
DW and I spent a week in a resort on the Las Vegas strip the second week of Dec, checked out on Friday and mom and dad arrived Friday evening to spend the holidays with us for 2 wks. They just left to road trip home this AM.
If SIL was not invading this weekend, I would declare this an entirely amazing holiday season.
Deep breaths, enjoy 2025!
It...
...does indeed sound as if you had a wonderful holiday season! So happy to hear this!
I am also happy to hear the SIL weekend has been shortened to 2 days...good luck....
I'm more relaxed now that the
I'm more relaxed now that the holidays are over too. It's sad to say, but the awkward and stressful situation in which I'm forced to be in close quarters with SS with no escape makes the holidays a lot less enjoyable. I guess this is my holidays for the forseeable future. I wish it were different.
I...
...am glad that the passing holidays brings peace! I try to focus on the positives, although I really found that tough this year...this is why I dubbed myself the Grinch.
I wonder if you could make new traditions for just you and your husband? We are doing that! Our first Christmas together it was all about his family...Christmas Eve and Christmas too. Why? Because that's the way it always was! I brought it up right after the holidays; my DH had never questioned it, he had been single for almost 20 years. The next year it was better, still some pressure from his family to get together both days. Strangely enough, we were saved by Covid, I certainly was not getting together with anyone who had Covid. (Those with Covid stayed home from Christmas Eve, but most got together the next day without the elderly. Interesting how they were not interested in the advice of a medical professional?! Hmmm.... Very telling, I believe.) It has evolved to his family (large group) on Christmas Eve and mine (small group) on Christmas. I prefer small and intimate. Other than that, we have found that we like spending the time together, just the 2 of us. Relaxing, watching movies, cooking a fun meal. Maybe you could adapt something like that? A small portion of your day to include SS, but then just you and DH.
I, too, wish the step nonsense was different. I think sometimes that it was best I didn't know what I was signing up for.... I wouldn't trade my DH in for anyone, so we do our best to navigate the storm and create what works best for us.
Blessings to you in the new year...I hope this is your best ever!
There are some silver linings
There are some silver linings to the pandemic. Sounds like it helped to reset the holidays for your dh. My dh only had a few Xmases as a divorced dad. Since they don't have a big family, it was just the three of them - dh, bm, and ss. The first and second Xmas we started dating, dh spent it with them, and it was just bs and me as it had been for many years. I thought it would be hard to get dh to stop spending the holidays with his ex because to them, it was a cult of 3 in a big world. But by the third Xmas, he did. During that third Xmas, dh had also stopped buying bm Xmas gifts (via ss). She was very upset about that, and called SS and sobbed about being lonely and about feeling sad that no one got her anything. I thought that was totally crappy for SS. My sister and I are both divorced and have spent Xmases on our own, and when the kids were little, we didn't get anything either, but neither of us would dream of burdening our kids with that kind of guilt.
I'm not sure if we can do things that much differently going forward. Dh and bm are not really in touch with (half-)siblings nor any other family. My family's big holiday is Thanksgiving. On Xmas, we pretty much celebrate on our own, allowing the kids time at home to open gifts and hunker down. So when we do have ss, it's just the four of us - dh, me, bs, and ss. There is no where to turn or hide.
This Xmas, ss didn't throw a fit, but at every other Xmas, ss became depressed and even sobbed to dh about missing out on family and not getting enough gifts. So I think dh would feel super guilty if there was any attempt to limit time with him on Xmas when it's our turn.
Crying about not enough gifts?
That kid would go to zero gifts instantly when they pulled that shit. Their gives would immediately be loaded in the car and taken to the Salvation Army drop off. The message would then be "Next year we will try again. You pull this crap next year, all of your gifts will go to kids who appreciate getting anything. You will keep donating your gifts to those who appreciate them if you play these pouty not enough gifts games." Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
DW always had full physical and legal custody as the CP while SS-32 was growing up. Because the SpermClan are members of a fringe Christian cult that does not recognize or celebrate Christmas, visitation for the entire 16 years of the CO never included Dec 25. The Judge made that clear in the CO and did that because SpermGrandHag made it clear in court that they do not believe in or celebrate Christmas. The winter holiday alternated on even and and odd years. Even years it was from the day school ended until Dec 24. Odd years it was Dec 26 until the day before school started. This made Christmas pretty much drama free. It also made TG drama free since visitation was limited to summer (5wks), winter (1wk), and spring (1wk).
When the SpermIdiot started adding three more also out of wedlock spawn by two more baby mamas SpermGrandHag started the Christmas manipulations. Nope. They didn't believe in or celebrate Christmas, they did not get Christmas. The CO was clear and DW never once caved on Christmas day and would roll up the CO and beat the snot out of SpermGrandHag with it when she tried that guilt and manipulation crap. Figuratively of course.
Thanks for your perspective
Thanks for your perspective Rags. I feel like you have a different approach to mine, so I appreciate the opportunity to reflect. I totally understand that throwing a tantrum about not getting enough gifts sounds bratty. But I understood SS's disappointment as well. DH, me, and my BS all got several gifts under the tree that year, and SS got his room redecorated and cash, and only a few trinkets under the tree for him. Though I do not support his rampant materialism, I did see the sadness and hurt behind not getting much under the tree. And perhaps it is because of said materiailsm that he fetishizes and overvalues such gifts in a way that made him more vulnerable to getting hurt by not receiving the "love" expressed by these objects.
What I see is that his upbringing is responsible for his missplaced greed for material objects. His feelings of hurt and dejection are nonetheless real. So I very much balk at the notion that he should be punished for his attitude by depriving him of any gifts at all. Yet, I also want to encourage SS to not place so much value on expensive, material items.
Also, in reading what I wrote, it seems to me that getting one's room redecorated, cash and a few stocking stuffers sound pretty darn good. I was so annoyed when SS became depressed about not getting more, but I set that irritation aside when I saw how genuinely hurt he seemed. But maybe the bottom line is that feelings are only a symptom of larger values and expectations. Just because he's hurt doesn't entail jumping to his rescue?
By the way, it was after this Xmas that I speak of that there was one of several instances in which SS took and used his dad's credit card without permission. DH was so mad. But at the same time, DH finds it hard to condemn harshly SS's poor (even criminal) choices because it's very easy to interpret them as the result of hurt feelings and dysfunctions stemming from his mom's crazy parenting. I'm more clear-eyed, but am guilty of that too. I can't help but feel sorry for SS even while he steps on boundaries, lies and steals.
Feelings are not fact. They
Feelings are not fact. They are there to point out a truth that has not been dealt with. I agree with you that your SSs values are askew. Does anybody talk about money with him? Or is he being raised to think all will be provided for magically and when he gets to be an adult will struggle ( like most skids on here).
No consequences for STEALING the credit card is bad in the long run. His father is doing him and society in general a real disservice sending him out into the world like that. We have enough young men in the US that have no idea how to function , support themselves and act in general. Coddling them is only making it worse. Young women are as fed up as we older women are with men. Just look around these boards.
You are right to be annoyed with dynamic. So he got a little butthurt he didn't have boxes to unwrap. Maybe a line item spread sheet of the costs involved in the room redo , presented in an elaborately wrapped box would suffice.
I'm just so over greedy skids. Smdh