Did BM fight tooth and nail to maintain control of your FDH or SO when he finally started to establish boundaries with her?
Sorry this is so long. I really need to vent.
OMG, this lady is a nightmare. All FDH and I want is for her to move on and leave us alone. The lady just got married for pete's sake. Granted, I think that she did it for other reasons then finding the love of her life.
So here's the deal. FDh has been working hard on trying to get this lady to follow a email only contact unless it's an emergency (like one of the kids are in the hospital) for months and months. She is finally starting to get the point but it was a fight to get her to do so. It seems like everytime that FDH sets a boundary she either just blows it off and retaliates somehow.
There was the time that FDH told her to stay away from my BD 5 at the time and she took upon herself to show up at BD's school and ask her if she wanted to come over to her house and play. The time that she wanted FDH to pay for their kids Halloween costumes because she got fiered for stealing and couldn't afford it which FDH agreed to and when FDH said that he wanted to take the kids for an hour on that night so he could trick or treat with him she told him no but he could come trick or treating with her and the kids in her neighborhood. Obviously that didn't happen so she decided to tell both of their kids that I told FDH that he couldn't go. When she decided to answer the door when FDH was dropping the kids off a couple of months ago at 6 am in nothing but a bath towel so FDH told her he will no longer be doing that. The kids will just go to school and she can pick them up after just like she does when it's FDH's week with them. She tried to argue that that the kids are already comfortable with that arrangemnt. The most recent was she was going to let FDH have one of the kids to claim as a dependent for his taxes in exchange for the EIC credit that legally belongs to FDH. After she took upon herself to enter our home without our approval (which she knew was not ok) she was told that she is no longer welcome. So she sends FDH an email cancelling the exchange. FDH was fine with this. FDH had to send her an email letting her know that he will not be letting her utilize the EIC credit this year (the divorse decree states that it is his to claim even though he can't because he makes to much). So she fires back with an, "I have been told that if your not claiming it that I can because somebody needs to claim the credit." Really lady. FDH let he know that he had emailed her tax guy letting him know that she cannot claim it already and that legally she cannot do it without is consent. After all the crap this lady has put us through, stalking, trying to break us up, that PAS, calling CPS and filing false child abuse allegations, and many many more, FDH is just going to let you get an extra 3K every year? No effing way.
So FDH's grandfather has been in and out of the hospital. Whenever FDH talks to him he tells me afterwards that he has just given up and waiting to die. So FHD had plans to take the kids to go see their great grandfather before he passes away. He sent BM an email letting her know that he would be taking the kids out of state this weekend. Her response was to tell FDH that they'll be following the divroce decree and do echanges at 6 pm the evening prior (Sunday instead of Monday). This lady had sent en email when FDH had initially told her that he wasn't going to be dropping the kids off at her house anymore about how comfortable the arrangement was and now she wants to do it the night before. Does that make any since to anybody?
Thankfully there is a mutual drop off point that has been chosen and I'm going to be the one doing the drop offs and pick ups.
I think that this lady still has a thing for FDH. He's trying to cust off all contact that is not absolutley needed and she just won't let go. He doesn't want to see anymore so what does she do set it up to where he has to see her by exhanges at 6 pm. Little does she know I'm the only one going to be there with the kids.
Has anybody else had issues with this? How did you finally get the lady to leave you alone so that you could enjoy your life? Why do you think that she's doing this? Any suggestions as to how to get her to stop?
The BM in my situation tried
The BM in my situation tried to make things difficult when BF and I first got together. My first "introduction" to her was when she forgot to tell BF that she had to work (stripping) and wasn't picking up SS12 (then SS3) from daycare. Daycare called us and BF FREAKED OUT. (I had to call him on his cell - he wasn't home). When I heard SS was stuck at daycare, I jumped right in my car and drove to daycare. BF was already there SCREAMING at BM on the phone - he handed the phone to me and said to her - you tell her. BM proceeded to go on and on about how they were still sleeping together and I should be embarrassed that he was making such a fool of me. My answer - if he's cheating, I'll find out and then you can have him. I also told her that she had no idea who she was dealing with. I told her, I am unlike anyone you've ever met. I wasn't about to be dragged into her white trash drama. She tried fighting me and fighting me at every turn. Blasted SS when he gave me a Mother's Day Present. Physcially attacked me one year and then even when I dropped charges against her - she was still calling BF asking for help with her car. Um, what? Sorry, b*tch - he's MY MAN. I threw myself down her @#$%ing throat at every opportunity. I don't have the answer for how to make her stop. The BM in my situation just gave up when she finally realized her ex (my BF) and her own son had another woman in their life who they weren't giving up. I think the fact that you are doing the pick-ups/drop-offs is a great message to send. I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE B*TCH - DEAL WITH IT. And - another quick comment - I am not sure we, as SMs, are ever really allowed to enjoy our lives! We just have to let their trifling sh*t go.
This post brought back a lot
This post brought back a lot of memories. DH also had a email contact only order with BM, and she would swear she did not know how to use email. Then when the judge told her to learn, she stopped communicating at all unless she wanted something. She was a cavewoman and could not write on a regular day, but when she wanted money we received whole, well written paragraphs.
She got married, but it still didn't really stop. You know what I think? I think that some women just cannot wrap their mind around the fact that these men don't want them anymore. Your FDH just needs to stay strong with his boundaries and not give her an inch. In our case, though when DH refused to deal with her she PAS'ed the kids against him.
And as far as do they go away-well, I live in a very large city. BM divorced her last husband and moved in right across the street from me. Like there was NOWHERE else she could live. UGH.
Holy crap. I don't know what
Holy crap. I don't know what I would do if she lived across the street from us. There would be a lot of flamming bags of dog poo, flash floods, and her car doors being saran wrapped shut going on.
Just kidding I wouldn't do that. I don't know how you handled it. Does she still leave across the street from you?
Yes, she still does. And my
Yes, she still does. And my driveway faces the side of her house, and her driveway, so there is NO way for me not to see her car or her ugly face, LOL.
I have giant fantasies about doing these very things you mentioned above!
I have days where it makes me crazy-but the only way I handle it is I know she would LOVE to know it makes me crazy. I won't give her the satisfaction. Even worse, DH's severely PAS'ed daughter lives there too. Now that does bother me, seeing how hurt he is sometimes.
That suck for your DH. Why on
That suck for your DH. Why on earth would anybody do that? I just don't get it.
I know that I should let it
I know that I should let it go. I just wish she would get over it. It's done. She wanted the divorce. She got the divorce. She spent almost a year trying to break FDH and I up so that he would go back to her. I have never met anybody more pathetic then her in my life. It's like she has not morals or self respect.
I also think that me doing the pick ups and drop offs is a good idea. FDH is still unsure about it but my approach is, if she is doing it to force FDH to have some kind of interaction with her, it'll be a real shocker when she sees me everytime. The game stops being fun when the other person quits playing. I think that she'll go back to the old arrangement because she's getting nothing out of it other than losing time with her kids on the last night that she has them. Granted she'll get them the following Sunday a couple of hours before they go to bed but that's it.
Same situation here. Just try
Same situation here. Just try not to let her shenanigans take over YOUR life. It is really easy to focus on this stuff all of the time, I know.
Let her act stupid, and you guys do everything you can to put up a fence around it. And I think you are right; she is only doing it so she can force four FDH to interact with her. Will she cause a scene when you start doing the dropoffs/pickups?
The drop offs are at a
The drop offs are at a parking lot inbetween both our homes and I'm not really worried about her making a scene. She can freak out all she wants. Our state is a first party state meaning that only one party needs to know that they are being recorded. So I have no problem taking a tape recorder with me everytime I do a drop off or pick up. It's FDH that'll be getting an email demanding that he be there.
Yes, I had almost the exact
Yes, I had almost the exact situation. BM divorced DH and then when she found out DH and I were dating she all of a sudden wanted him back and has been hell on wheels ever since.
I don't deal with her though and haven't spoken to her much.
She blames me for them not getting back together, she got pregnant with some other guy's child and tried to get DH to go back to her and take care of this poor kid whose dad didn't want him. When that didn't work she said she would tell everybody it was his kid, she also gave this child DH's last name. The kid's middle name is his father's last name and yes, 20months later that dad is very involved.
there's a whole list of crazy things she's done, just nuts. Try to ignore her, it's REALLY hard and I've gotten a bit crazy myself.
I'm trying to just see her as a sad pathetic human being and she isn't worth my time or energy. I can't say I've achieved the peace I'd like, but I'm on the path!
My issue is that FDH doesn't
My issue is that FDH doesn't want to deal with the drama for the most part. So he'll let her get away with things when he shouldn't. I keep explaining to him that she is like a child. You give her an inch, the next time she'll be going for a mile. And she is so used to dominating him that in order for her to stop he needs to stand up to her every time. Not a full out battle, but a stern no will do.
I just don't know where this lady finds the time. She got married to a two time ex felon four months after he got out of prision. He has a BD that he only gets EOWE, which with his record he should be thankful for. And now BM is making his ex's life a living hell. Trying to drag her to court to get more custody of her new hubby's BD and get rid of the child support that he has to pay. Plu she got pregnant two weeks after the wedding and still hasn't told either of her kids and she's due in July. I'd be exausted.
I just don't get it. I have never had to be around someone who tries to control and dominate people the way she does. She doesn't try it with me because she knows it won't work. But she's trying it with her new hubby's wife.