DH said I stress him out over having SD at our home
*This is a RANT...so, I already know I'm being a bitch...no need to point out the obvious...LOL*
DH and I went out for dinner a few nights ago, and everything was going ok until he brought up my SD and how I stress him out sometimes when she's at our house and I act like I don't even want her there. I really didn't realize that it was THAT obvious, but at the same time...I really DON'T want her there.
I wanted to ask DH how he thinks I feel having my home, and once peaceful life, turned upside down by this little girl? Especially when BM took off with her and we didn't see/hear from her for 2 years! Of course, BM has no regard for others feelings...and, knowing that DH is not really SD's biological father, she didn't mind up and leaving. We couldn't do a thing about it, either. It just about killed DH when that happened, but we had finally accepted the fact that SD was gone, wasn't coming back, and we were moving on with our lives, well...I was anyway. (DH has always had feelings for her and wanted her back in his life.) Until May of last year when BM came back with SD and dropped her back in our lives.
It's SO hard to put on a fake smile and pretend that I'm happy to have SD in our home, when she visits EVERY WEEKEND. DH actually made some factual comments, too, when he said he knows I can't stand BM and he knows SD just reminds me of BM sometimes. But, he just wants me to be supportive and make SD feel accepted in our home. Lord knows BM just pushes her aside and isn't much of a mother to her. I'm not her mother, either! And, I never will be! I don't want to be! What I want is for our lives to go back to normal and not have a 7 (almost 
year old hyperactive brat driving me up a wall and making snide comments to me about things I say, do, etc. (I can tell some things she says to me are exactly what BM would say.) But, that's the bitchy, selfish side of me speaking. I know it'll never happen.
DH said he knows that there will come a time (when she's a little older) where she'll be too busy with her friends and activities to even WANT to come to our house on the weekend. It makes him sad, but it makes me want to burst with happiness! Peace and quiet once again! Until our older children (who are grown and out of the home) start blessing us with grandkids! Then, everything will be on MY terms...not dictated by someone else! I don't HAVE TO have every weekend interrupted.
The kid isnt even your
The kid isnt even your husbands and she was gone for 2 years...ummm yeah I wouldnt be too happy either.
Unfortunately (at least for
Unfortunately (at least for my DH) "making SD feel welcome in your home" equates to fawning all over, pampering and "acting like a mother"
DH and I just had this stupid ass discussion 2 weeks ago and I told him I will NEVER fawn all over SD simply because she exists. I will NOT be the only one to make any effort. If I saw that she was legit TRYING to clean her room, not be a lazy nasty slob, save some money instead of spending and expecting more, help just a LITTLE around the house, I MIGHT be inclined to make her feel "welcome" in my home. but when you act like an entitled princess and lie and manipulate and cause drama, and act like everyone owes you something? sorry that does NOT make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Quite the opposite dear.
I will NEVER fawn over nor
I will NEVER fawn over nor pamper this child! It's just not going to happen. When she first started coming to our home, DH would let her leave to go back to BM's without so much as picking up a THING that she drug out and left laying in the living room. Now, he tells her to (sometimes), but she quickly finds a way to avoid the situation.
He's a push over! Plain and
He's a push over! Plain and simple. He allows her to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Always has, and probably always will. He has NO legal rights to her whatsoever. No court ordered anything. SD doesn't even share the same last name as him, as BM put her former married name down (probably because she knew DH wasn't the father to begin with).
DH has started to tell SD no more (slowly). But, she is still treated like a little princess and can do no wrong. I told DH that he'd better have a talk with her about her hitting and pinching me whenever she feels like it. I don't find it cute, and it's not nice at all!
SD makes comments to me like, "You need to shave your arms". WTF?! First of all, I personally don't know a single woman who shaves her arms. Second, where does she get that from?! And, not too long ago, I stated that I'd like to get another tattoo (that has substantial meaning to me) and she said, "You don't NEED another tattoo!" Excuse me?! Who the F*CK do you think you are?! This is where I feel like she sounds just like her BM. It's annoying as HELL!
It's just so hard, because I
It's just so hard, because I don't mean to be hateful or ugly about the situation. DH is the only "Daddy" this girl knows, as BM was pregnant with her when she and DH started dating (but, BM claims she didn't know...yeah, right). And, DH has even said to me that it would devastate SD if she were to ever find out that he's not her real Daddy. I don't like playing mind games with kids, and this girl has already been jacked with way too many times by BM and her crazy choices.
I'd like to ask DH if he'd be willing to tell BM we'll take the girl EOWE instead of EWE. But, I don't want it to come from me...because that will just reinforce DH's ideations that I don't like SD and don't want her around.
Here's another thought to ponder...SD was about 4 when BM moved away with her. DH and I were only dating at the time. Shortly after SD moved away, DH and I got engaged, then married. So, I married him under the pretense that SD was gone...we'd most likely never see her again, etc., etc. This is why it's been such a big deal to me that she's back and in our lives. DH is just clinging to her because of how badly he wanted a little girl of his own.
This kids mom needs to find a
This kids mom needs to find a new dummy to dump her illegitimate spawn on.
I wish she would, honestly!
I wish she would, honestly! DH fears it will happen again. It's just a matter of time. BM only lasted 2 years in this last marriage before she divorced him. That husband is career military, so he obviously demanded respect out of her kids...which he didn't get. So, she didn't like the way he treated her kids. The NERVE of people...expecting children to obey and do as their told! What is this world coming to?! *That's sarcasm...at it's finest!* LOL
I agree, 110%! It's not fair
I agree, 110%! It's not fair to SD, or her real father. I'm quite sure whoever he is has NO CLUE this girl even exists. It's not my job to say anything, though. And, I'm certainly not going to risk losing my DH over an issue like that either. I have to sit back and just watch this ugly monster's head get larger and larger.
I agree with others. This,
I agree with others. This, right here?
"What I want is [to] not have a 7 year old hyperactive brat driving me up a wall and making snide comments to me about things I say, do, etc"
This is your problem - and it's a problem with your DH, not the kid. Why on earth is DH letting her behave that way? He needs to get a handle on that NOW, or he's going to have a bratty, disrespectful teenager driving both of you nuts in a few years. If she's there because your DH wants her there, then it is 100% on him to control her behavior at this age. Tell him to man up and do that, if he wants to be her Daddy. TOTALLY legitimate request from you and not bitchy at all.
Thank you! My DH is just such
Thank you! My DH is just such a push over with her. He lets her get away with everything. Although, he has been getting better and has gotten onto her for a few things lately. I think he's just so afraid he'll make her mad at him and she won't want to come see him, so he doesn't like to dish out discipline. I'm trying to help him see that if he doesn't say/do something about her behavior, she will just get worse. All he sees, though, is this precious little "angel" who can do no wrong. His exact words are always, "She's just a little girl!" I wasn't pampered as a child, I never had girls, I don't go for all of this crap! LOL
Oh, and TRUST ME...SD knows EXACTLY how to bat her little eyes at my DH and whatever it is she wants, or whatever it is she did that she doesn't want to get in trouble for, she gets! It makes me SICK!