Dealing with financial hardship due to CS

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Just need to vent & see if anyone else experiences this. My SO has two daughters - 10 and 4 years old. More than half his monthly income goes to child support, plus he buys them clothes and things for school because BM claims she can't afford it. She doesn't spend any money on the kids - just partying, going out and drinking. But anyway... I bought a house shortly after we met. He moved in and helps with electric and buys some groceries. So that leaves me with 95% of the household bills. I did set this arrangement because I knew his financial burden to BM. I didn't want to depend on him for money. But damn, it sucks sometimes. I have no money left over because I feel like I'm halfway supporting BM too. He pays CS and then his own bills and is left with nothing at the end either. He feels terrible and tries his best. I'm not trying to paint him as a deadbeat - after all this is the arrangement I agreed to. Does anyone else experience financial hardship due to CS?

Of course his children are his number one priority. It's just tough some months. I wish he had more money to put into our house, does that make sense? Thanks for listening.

My question to you is this-

My question to you is this- what would he do without you?
Seems that without you he would be paying a full rent, full bills and have to buy food so why are you allowing him to let you essentially take care of him while he takes care of his kids?

You are absolutely right. I

You are absolutely right. I am stubborn and independent with money. I don't want to depend on anyone, but on the flip side I've allowed someone to depend on me. This is all sorts of screwed up.

Yeah...doesn't matter that

Yeah...doesn't matter that you agreed to it. This arrangement is unfair to you and to your household. If you weren't in the picture, he wouldn't be able to afford those extras for the kids. If he can't afford to contribute his fair share to the household, then he can't afford extras for his kids, either. He pays CS. That's what he does for the kids.

Sounds like your DH is overdue for a WANTS vs. NEEDS conversation. Either he gets a second job for extra income or his kids go without new clothes. Lots of kids go without when parents from intact families are struggling to pay the household bills...shouldn't be different for these kids just because they now technically have THREE adults putting $$$ toward their wants.

What is your SO responsible

What is your SO responsible for in the CO? How long since divorce (newly divorced people can take a while to financially get back on their feet). How often does he have his children (parenting time amount in many states plays role in CS).

50% of income for two children seems quite high. My state, for example, would be 28% of his income and some arrangement for health insurance. Sometimes daycare. Varies.

I'll assume you knew what his finances were when you let him move in and a good knowledge as to how soon (if at all) his situation would improve. No? Why would you agree to supporting this man to the tune of 95% of household expenses? At four and ten this guy isn't going to be rid of CS for a longtime and then there may be a college education tucked in that CO.

Maybe it's time to go back to dating. You own the house, he can figure out a place for himself and his kids. Let him pay off some of his debt and then see where things stand. You mention no children of your own. Why hook yourself to a guy who needs your paycheck. Imagine what you could be doing if you didn't have all these expenses.

He has them EOW and visits

He has them EOW and visits them on Wednesdays. He pays about $1300 a month. Their divorce was in September... before that he only gave BM $100 a week. So it's been a drastic change. I knew of the finances and everything, but didn't realize it was going to increase that much. I don't have any children of my own and can't afford to at this rate (not sure if I want to, but just saying). Pretty sure BM lied about a lot of things on her financial statement.

He isn't court ordered to pay

He isn't court ordered to pay anything back. This is the final judgement. And yes, 50% after taxes.

He isn't being honest with

He isn't being honest with you. There's no way he went from about $400 to $1300 unless he got a HUGE salary increase or he has major arrears to take care of. Even with arrears, CS would not have increased by that much.

Making him pay his fair share in your home, does not mean you are dependent upon him financially. It simply means you aren't willing to support an able bodied man. Just because you CAN cover all of the bills on your own, doesn't mean that you SHOULD.

My ex quit his job three days

My ex quit his job three days before the determination and I get $283/month for two kids. I get it

LOL, DanielleR, you are

LOL, DanielleR, you are right, we are damned on all sides if we only listen to sueu2. When I made a similar post my first response from sueu2 was that I was a desperate woman with a sorry ass man. Yet, I see many other posters that fit HER description of a desperate woman and sorry ass man but they get actual advice or empathy. When I responded and stuck up for myself she tried to act like she gave me sound advice right out the gate instead of instantly insulting me and that I just didn't like the "truth"! Sue's "truth" is actually an opinion based on HER past. Luckily she can ride around on a high horse because she never made any mistakes and didn't need child support. I also notice when you make valid points and make her look bad she gets the "feefees" and all defensive!

"We all post as we want. You

"We all post as we want. You don't have to like it, Goose, but you also don't get to follow people around with your judgement. Period"

Yes, Granny, only sueu2 can do this! LOL!

Why did you let him move in

Why did you let him move in if can't pay his portion of the bills?

Why would you be with someone who is okay with paying extra, on top of CS (which is HALF of his income?) instead of paying his portion of the bills?

Do you think he would be paying the extra if he was living on his own? He is taking advantage of you.

He feels terrible and tries his best? He doesn't feel terrible enough or he would figure something out, stop paying extra and get a second job or something.

Perhaps he should move out, then he will have to come up with a solution, other than depending on you financially.

Hi Marissa, Congratulations

Hi Marissa,
Congratulations on buying/owning your own home!
My situation is different, but its always good to see other sides.

My SO, he was recently divorced this past August; he held off for a while to keep things "smooth", he told me, and while dating me I moved into his place. During this separation, he and the BM had done things together and almost done what I call "dated" until I came into the picture permanently. WELL, he was the one who caught her cheating and just to get her out, paid for her to get a place and moved her out - twice. Gave her money when she said she couldn't buy food. Then they had a 50/50 arrangement with the two skids (then 6 & 15) so that child support would be less of an issue.

Divorce happened (finally) and all heck broke loose. She threatened to take him for a monthly 1,800, plus child support. Well, he told her that would simply cause his to lose the house he is renting and cause him to have to live in a garage and never see the kids (she likes her free time). So, things calmed down, I did not make a fuss when he would help her out, and time went forward to now.

He pays $300 in alimony for 4 yrs, with no child support, %50/50 Custody agreement. He buys clothes when needed and school supplies. He does a lot of extras, but that's not too bad - we are able to get through month by month. Im afraid that I am the one that makes significantly less, about half what he makes, and I help out with bills and pay my own way completely with insurance, phone, food, clothing, incidentals, health, gas, etc. We make it work.

It doesn't sound like you have much light at the end of the tunnel, unless he can make more money getting an extra job, or increasing pay at current job. The upshot is that partners need to contribute to the common household. I just wish that I could give more. Next year I will be in a better place and better able to contribute.

Does your SO have any plans for future income increases????