He is irritated because you call his bullshit.  Tell him that he does not get to be irritated with you when he is hte one who is still sniffing his X's backside.

Then... move on to someone whose nose is not up their Xs ass.

Take care of you and never again tolerate someone who does not make you their uncontested priority.

Live well, it is the best way to live... and it is the best revenge against an idiot X.

He should not talk to her about any of this.  Better still , I would insist that all communication be by e mail or text. And everything be save for ever.  BM like this have selected bad memory's.  What ever she said last year , she forgot about.  You also want to monitor there communication. Since DH can't handle her. 
'Yes, this is no way to live.  But I am sure BM is controlling your DH and your home. 

Yeah, thats no good.

Him getting annoyed with you getting annoyed with him being enmeshed with his ex, well it doesnt get any better it will get worse until skid ages out. Ask me how I know...

Moving in with him is a tacit endorsement of this behavior. Get the behavior resolved before you move in with him.

I so fully agree with what others have said. Please reconsider moving in with him right now. Can the two of you go to counseling together? This kind of garbage really needs to be resolved before you all go forward in your relationship or you will likely regret it. So sorry! 

Pleaseeeeee dont move in with him until things are resolved ,,,which i doubt they ever will be.  sounds like hes too balless to set boundries with the ex but happy to hurt your feelings in the process.  We have all been there before,, thats the reason we are all together on this forum!  , i put up with it for almost 10 years without change ,, you will too.  you are young , keep your independence and let him clean up his own mess. good luck

Please read and learn from the experiences laid out of the forum.  It may save you a lot of heartache, time and even money.

My DH didn't have much of a relationship with his ex when we got together...it was years later when she entered the picture due to skid issues.  It's not something I probably would have continued with if I had known in advance what was waiting for me.  Feeling 2nd place (or 3rd, 4th or further down the line) is no way for a significant other to be happy. 

I'd suggest drawing your line in the sand now....an ultimatum, so to speak. He needs to provide resolution to the situation now, before your lives are further complicated.  

I didn't know how entangled exes could be until I read through experiences here and even lived through experiences of my own. It's not necessary.  

Be selfish in determining your happiness and make him earn his place in your life by proving your position in his.

It sounds like you're involved in some sort of threeway relationship, one where few boundaries exist and you are not valued. 

I agree with all the above ,, and please dont get offended or upset with all the comments and advice given ,,i was the same when i first started getting advice for long term step parents , i was in denial and thought my situtation would be the exception and it would smooth over as time passed ,,, no it did not and it got far worse than i could ever imagine to the point i was in so deep and couldnt see the mess i was in.  It was a comment on this forum from 'Winterglow' that shook me out of it and really had me questioning my entire home life ,, everyone around me could see it but i couldnt.  I wasnt even 2nd , 3rd or 4th down the line ,,, i was at the very bottom on the importance list everytime !  you will be too , im sorry to say , but unless your ok with never being the priority EVER , then continue this situationship , because thats all its ever going to be and if you move in with him ,, not only will you still not be a priority , you will be a free nanny , free maid, free therapist and eat shit every single day from your boyfriend, his kid and the skids mother. sorry to be brutally honest but im sure most on here will agree

Until your SO puts BM in her place.  As, not talking to her, only by un deleted  emails or texts.  You have a right to know what they are talking about. This is not a friend,  this boiled down to a business relationship.  Your time and money, are being invested in this relationship. You have the right, to know.  Where your family's money is going, CS.  And the time you must put into this chikd who most likely hate you in the end .  She is not going to stop. 

"I will contact and tell her myself" Uhm no. You will be the crazy one. Why on earth would you put yourself as monkey in the middle? Your issue is not just that she is uninformed. Even if HE tells her she will keep pushing the boundaries and HE will have to hold boundaries. If he won't even SET a boundary in the first place then you have no hope. 

You don't have a BM problem, you have a SO problem. Do not contact the ex. The person putting you lower down in the hierarchy to BM is your SO. Ask me how I know.

I went through being the totally insignificant gnat to both a mini-wife on steroids and BM for a long time. The BM issue I nipped in the bud, but the mini-wife crap continued for 25 years before I finally made an exit plan. I can tell you that it's nothing less than soul destroying being put behind other females. I not only experienced it in the home with BM and the mini-wife, but at work. When you start experiencing in the home, you end up identifying with it and being inferior to other females becomes engrained and next thing you know, you're the inferior one at work, in your sport, everywhere. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Moving in with your SO will only make it worse. The second I moved in with DH, BM ramped it up and literally trained SD into being the off the charts mini-wife that she is. Every milestone and BM and SD ramped it up and it felt like getting left for another woman several times a day for YEARS. I've been in intensive therapy for almost three years and I still need more because of the literal trauma I've experienced from this dynamic. Moving in with your SO is a new level of commitment, which means that BM will ramp it up and given that your SO either lacks balls or is still into BM, his responses to BM will be commensurate with her jacked up invasions. It isn't BM who needs to be addressed: it's your SO. 

I remember the year I married DH, SS32 was 5 and pulling the sick card to stay home and game. BM claimed she couldn't miss work so she dropped him off at our place. DH could work from home even then so he was able to look after the lying little prick. Well, BM dropped SS off at 8:30 and by 11:30, she had called five times to act like she was checking on SS. I was sick of her shit and sick of DH's constant pandering to another woman, so I pulled him into the bedroom and told him that the last call she made had damn well better be the last or I'm filing. I don't deal with other broads. It's her or me. DH looked like he shit himself and asked how he's supposed to prevent her from calling again and I spelled out for him that she calls because of his response to her and she gets her ego fed. In the meantime she sends the message to me that I'm a second class citizen and DH's pandering to her and acting all fucking joyous whenever she called lets me know in no uncertain terms that he's thrilled to hear from her and that I'm garbage. She gets to have her ego filled because she sees it as him pining over her and that she can get him back at any moment. He swore up and down that he hated her guts and that it's for the kids, but I said I don't give a shit, I will not tolerate being in competition with another broad for any reason: not even kids, especially ones that aren't mine. He had damn well better figure out how to end the cycle immediately because I swear to fuck if she calls again, I'm putting on my coat and driving to the first law office I find and am filing. Well, what do you know, she never called again. I know because I was sitting right there. DH didn't email her either. This was 28 years ago, so there wasn't the technology there is now, so somehow DH got lucky and she didn't call. He did quit pandering to that cheating slut though, so at least I no longer had to worry about her. I did, however, have to deal with the mini-wife on steroids for many years to come. I swear to dog that she trained SD to be that way so that she could continue to insert herself or someone into my marriage. It's been hell. Do not think for one second that your SO will change when you move in. 

I had to get therapy for myself because I needed to delve into why I accepted crumbs for love and why I accepted being put lower down the ladder to other females all my life. I think it might be a good idea for you to go see someone to look into why you're second to another woman and why you're accepting it. Why do you not deserve better? There used to be a member on here who said something that caused an epiphany for me which inspired me to address it and face it head-on in therapy. She said, "you accept the love you think you deserve." 

Please make sure your SO smartens the hell up before you move in.