I personally think parents need to communicate. Especially when both parents are hands-on and desire to be involved. I also , however, believe that communication should be strictly about child and on a business level. Any email/text should stick to child (items inserted about what BM thinks of you are unacceptable and any social chatting is inappropriate).

I don't believe the opposite parent needs a day by day blow by blow of every little detail right down to what Jr ate for breakfast or Jr was an a** tonight. Daily non-event routine mundane incidents and newsflashes don't need to be shared (unless it is of a medical nature such as important to dietary necessity or 'how are the new meds working' and what trigger points might affected ill behavior in event of being informative to a mental/physical condition under diagnosis or treatment).

There are times when a chat at exchange wouldn't be sufficient depending on visitation/parenting schedule: such as , a school event that week that waiting until exchange would become a mute point. A arrangement of dr appointment and who can/will take Jr. A homework or grade situation alert from the school that needs addressed. Blah blah blah. The other thing is, the more the parents have to discuss at exchange, the longer exchanges take and the more physical contact and lingering together in front of child the parents are doing. I believe exchanges should be neutral and performed smoothly and quickly. The child needs to view parents as his parents but each quite capable of being the parent on an individual basis. Too much discussion with child present sets up child's chance to see parents disagreeing over a topic/issue or conflict and hostility between the co-parents. The child shouldn't be privy to the adult crap nor do intact families usually discuss issues and problems in front of their children...separated co-parents should also keep the adult parenting stuff from being put out in front of a COD.

IMO if your DH keeps the emails/texts to the business like nature and refuses to interact through the email/text if BM turns off topic and/or brings up things like her opinion of you, then some would be preferred to overlong exchange and showing a child his parents very separated in their parenting beliefs. DH needs to set communication boundaries and guidelines and enforce them. It is also perfectly acceptable to put a time guidance on the email/texting such as he won't address these communication during such and such an hour (it's his parenting/family time and he shouldn't be bothered , and he may take x amount of time before a response should be expected (no ex should be on standby to immediately respond especially if the subject is of a generic nature which may not need a response at all such as Jr has make-up ballgame Tuesday at 6pm...that type of email/text is being sent only for informative purposes and require no response) If BM is just being a nag and or stirring the pot on a non-needed subject, Dh should ignore the email/text. Dh nor you can control how or what BM personally thinks of you, but he can make it clear he will not discuss his wife or will he read endless emails/texts that are non-subject topic or plan being b*itchy. Those type of attempting to communicate shall be promptly deleted and no answer forthcoming (don't really delete any email/text that could be used to prove a court order violation or custody issue).

Everyone does their necessary communication differently, different ways works for some household and not others. There are also some families that solely use a program like Our Family Wizard. Discuss with your DH which and how communication affects you and/or your family home life, why this or that makes you uncomfortable or you feel is unnecessary.

Ahhh hell you brought a kid into this knowing how he's acting?

He's been stringing his ex as a back-up to you and who knows maybe a little on the side. I've heard that "Ex sex is best". Anyway since the trust has been lost you've got little choice but to encourage him to go.

Call your cell phone provider to block his phone number, block email and Facebook type social sites and give him your attorneys phone number.

If you have the means, you will be far better off on your own than with a man who doesn't demand that others treat you with respect. Better sooner than later. If he's hiding stuff, he may have stuff to hide. I would be outta there.

Sorry one step that your having to go through all this

In my case, BM and DH do not speak ever. All communication is done through BM's mother who is the actual care giver of SD when SD goes over there. I don't mind that one bit.

I don't think they need to be talking unless it is about drop off/pick up or something that will cut into the others time. Oh, and anything medical.

As for her talking crap about you and your husband saying nothing to her about it? Unacceptable.

If BM is confrontational or likes to sidetrack onto things that aren't child related (ours does both ALL THE TIME) I would tell DH/SO to stick with texting. BMs can lie and say that y'all "talked" or whatever whenever she wants but if you limit communication to texting or email then you'll always have proof of what was or was not said. Sad it has to be this way but these days you have to cover your butt to keep the crazy away.

I'm so sorry for you that you are going through this. It took me leaving my SO for him to realise 'how important I am to him' (his words!) Your situation sounds very much how mine was (however I did not have children which must make it 100 times more difficult for you)- SO and BM would have fairly regular (unnecessary) contact and, whilst the majority of it began with BM, SO would reply. I am a firm believer that when a relationship ends, it ends. So, whilst your SO and BM must have some contact, this should be limited to 'some.' If there is a medical emergency (not a cold) then of course the other parent must be made aware. Similarly, if there is a last minute change of plans in pick-up times then yeah a text should be sent. However, I think that when you divorce/split up whatever, co-parenting has gone out the window. If your SO and BM couldn't co-parent before you then they shouldn't be attempting to co-parent now you are around, especially as he has loyalties towards you and your children. If I was you I would give it a little bit of time to see if he realises what he has lost. Don't contact him for a while, find yourself a job and become independent. THEN when he realises that he is close to losing you entirely, having 2 failed relationships where children are involved and having to pay CS to 2 exes, just then he might realise. I know that my SO did (actually it took another male to show me a glimpse of interest lol) but he came back, apologetic and much more aware of the boundaries I have been trying to enforce for a long time. I must admit though, I do feel like I am always on edge, he is on his last chance and given the opportunity I will check his phone etc. So anyway, sorry to go on! But if I was you, I'd focus on you and your children, give him a couple of weeks and walk if things don't change... Best of luck