On comparing love of stepchildren to bios...
Last night I was thinking about all the in-laws and dads that think we as SMs should love the skids as our own. Nobody expects you to love your DH's parents and siblings as you love your own just because you married their son or brother. I have a friendly relationship with my MIL. Do I love her like my mother? No, and no one expects me to. My SIL and I are friends with lots in common. We enjoy each others company. Do I love her like my sister that I shared a room with for 16 years? No, I don't and it is not an issue.
After the first few rocky years I finally made DH understand, that while I could care for and respect the skids I would never love them like my own. And this did not make me a bad SM. It made me human.
These expectations of equal love are unreasonable. Let you in-laws and DH know that you can treat your skids fairly with kindness and respect without loving them as your own. And that should be enough.
Well put post I have oftened
Well put post
I have oftened wondered how to explain it to my DH without hurting his feelings. He lives in this dream world where I love my 2 skids as much as I love our DD. I constantly feel obliged to act like I don't have different feeling towards the steps and bio. He even got upset when I said that when his 10yoD has a child (not that she is anywhere near this happening, it just was a part of a conversation we were having lol)that I wouldn't consider myself a Grandma ... ummm I just had my first child 6 months ago! I feel like screaming at him sometimes ARE YOU CRAZY?? I don't get why they don't see it? Bet if it was the other way around??
How did you explain it to your DH, open to any advice x
we should be able to "like"
we should be able to "like" comments on here
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Great post! I wish there were
Great post! I wish there were a like button
It took many years for DH to
It took many years for DH to "get it". But I explained it like this. I love my nieces and nephews, but not like my own kids. Just as I love my SDs, but not like my own kids. Then I asked him if he loved his sisters daughters. He said yes,of course. I replied "As much as your own girls?" It was like a light went on in his head. He finally understood what I meant.
I will say that if helped that he never let SDs get away with bad behavior or disrespect in our home. They might not have liked our rules but they knew that in our home, DH and I stood together on discipline and respect.
Being a SM is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I can honestly say I love his girls now after being in their lives for 16 years. Is our family perfect? No, but we have made it work.