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Can Step-Parents ever win?

gazzabicks's picture

Submitted by gazzabicks on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 4:47am

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General Discussion

Obviously this is not true for every Step-Parent but I am of the opinion that as a Step-Parent you have to accept that you are never really going to liked by your step children, especially if they live with you full time and as they get older dislike you telling them what to do or how to behave etc.....

After all, who are we anyway, not a relative, just mum or dad's partner....

Anyone agree?

Loops1987's picture

Submitted by Loops1987 on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 4:51am

I sort of agree i think step-parents take a lot of flack when we basically take care of a child as our own, when they arent (and worse this expected) I think it however depends on the situation, the child, the bm and also the dh.
my ss does take notice of me (for now), bm generally respects me and dh generally sees me as just as much a parent as he is (he actually refers to us as 1 and a half parents with me as the one!!) However I am still in the precarious on the fence position where I am reluctant sometimes to voice any opinion to bm, or dp for that matter as I have the 'well who the hell are you' bit in the back of my mind.
Its hard work loving someone automatically, and even harder when you take some much hassle off them, or their mother/ father for doing so.

livinthedream's picture

Submitted by livinthedream on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 7:11am

Youre right who are we anyway...at the very best a friend. Its best to accept the fact that this is not the situation they wanted. What is neat is that we can find happiness for ourselves.

SoccerMomNeedsVan's picture

Submitted by SoccerMomNeedsVan on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 9:24am

My SD loves me. She would rather be with me than her BM. so yeah. I don't fall in that cadegory. I think alot of SP don't try hard enough.

gazzabicks's picture

Submitted by gazzabicks on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 9:35am

I can understand that SD's love their SM's but can they ever love their SD's if they still see the BD ?

My guess is no.....especially in teenage years !!

AVR1962's picture

Submitted by AVR1962 on Thu, 05/05/2011 - 1:42am

To answer your question, "NO!" I am in counseling right now after 22 years of being a stepmom. I am learning that the family dynamics are verything in the success of a step family. If husband and ex cannot talk, if one is trying to alienate the child/children from the other parent, if bio mom and bio dad cannnot support the step parent to the children, the step parent stands no chance. Oh and don't let me forget the inlaw factor. Lack of support as the second wife/stepmom also dangerous.