Breaking point has been reached
for anyone who knows my situation (I came here 3 months ago looking for advice), it has come to a breaking point.
at that time, I was being pressured to do more by my fiancé, who has 2 young kids. I found this site and realized I needed to put my foot down. And so I did by refusing to do anything or contribute in any way I did not want.
things were going better and he accepted my position on things. He stopped asking me to get them ready for school etc. as well as the other stuff he was asking, pressuring me to do.
Fast forward to this week, we are on a trip with me, him, his parents, and his kids for the holiday.. For three day’s he fawns over his kids, especially his daughter and treats me like I’m invisible. This has been a constant source of fights for 2 years now. When they are around he hardly speaks to me and is completely engaged with them at all times. We have them at least 50% of the time so my life has been very stressful for some time now. He also does not appropriately discipline his kids.
And then this morning took place. I ended up in a hotub with his dad, him and his daughter. His 7 year old daughter sits in his lap as normal and she starts touching my breasts (she is fixated on them) and starts splashing water at my face. I asked her to stop repeatedly and not a word from her dad. In fact, when I reprimanded her, he gave her a hug to make her feel better and told her it’s important to listen to me. Nothing else.
It was the weirdest thing and I snapped. I told him I thought he was a creep and that level of physical affection looked Pervy. I meant it. He is always physically attached, cuddling his kids to an abnormal degree. Because of what I called him, we got in a fight. When we fight he always asks me if I’m breaking up. He did it again today and this time I said, yes. And then I asked to be taken to the nearest airport so I could go home. He dropped me off and I think that’s it.
Did I overreact or is this the smartest thing I could have done?
While I think you did the
While I think you did the right thing if you did want to save the relationship I would have asked him on how he felt it was appropriate to
1. Have a 7 year old in a hot tub with you both. And on his lap ( yikes)
2. Not correct her on touching your breasts
I had the same issue with my SD. I'm sadly well endowed ( yay back problems and slouching) to the point I stopped swimming with SD. Because I stopped swimming SD did as well. I realized it was just weird curiosity on her end
The only time I took SD to a hot tub was at a resort where half the tub is outside in winter weather which she thought was great ( we only stayed for a minute as I didn't want to make her sick)
Don't feel guilty. While he may not be a perv the fact he was unwilling to listen is a deal breaker.
Hardly speaking to you,
Hardly speaking to you, letting her splash water in your face., not disciplining. Miserable for a long time... All good reasons to break up.
I think it's normal for a young girl to be curious. Also don't think it's pervy for her to sit with him. A 7yo is still young and can still be cuddly. Competing for his attention also could be a reasonable response to you in the picture. What's not cool is him not knowing that or addressing any of it. I'm probably not the best to advise because the thought of being free from step life sounds lovely. If you don't have a kid between you, and you aren't happy..
He ya definitely not a perv
and his daughter’s disrespectful behavior is a result of her father not respecting boundaries and setting limits. She is just a kid and will do whatever she can get away with. She also loves me very much so all this is terrible. But constantly fighting with him is not healthy for anyone.
He obviously does not know
He obviously does not know how to balance a relationship with fatherhood, so it's probably best if he stays single.
Not overreacting
"Did I overreact or is this the smartest thing I could have done?" You did the right thing. SD should not be allowed to touch your breasts. NO ONE would think this was appropriate for a 7 year old child. And your DH should be trying to show her that your marriage is top priority. Period. What do you think he would have said if you played with HER breasts? But hey! You are really lucky to get out of this sick relationship early on. I admire your strength for standing firm on your boundaries.
The fact that he agreed to just drop you off at the airport speaks volumes as far as your value to him. You must know that this will occur again with any woman your DH brings into his life. You are going to have a wonderful life with out this slug of a man. Hope you have read other posts on this site so you know what to look for in the next man you meet.
His daughters poor behavior
I don't think the situation was Pervy however I do think his daughters behavior was disrespectful and should've been corrected and it wasn't. This is important because his daughters poor behavior is a result of his poor parenting. The fact that he was encouraging you to get on a plane and leave after this happened to you says volumes about how much he values you. Let this one go and smile while looking in the rear view mirror. They are someone else's problem now. This is a great thing for you. Everyone else he meets from now on will be a downgrade, and should be.
Well played. Now, have the
Well played. Now, have the locks re-keyed, clear out the joint finances and get your stuff moved to secure storage before they get home.
They can figure out housing while you take your time in setting up your next moves.
You have reached your limit. Move on. Enjoy your life.
Duplicate
Duplicate.