Hi all, I'm new to the forum so thanks for letting me vent!!!
Why do women use their children as pawns? Make them feel stuck in the middle of a buncha crap? My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. We plan to marry. He met me immediately after his divorce but was separated prior to the divorce for a year.

  My bf married the bm becuz she got pregnant. They were never happy, he never loved her in the way a man should love a woman. They were not a team, he did everything. He worked full time and went to school earning two masters degrees. She stayed at home but did not take care of home. He still had to cook, clean, and take care of the kids. There was zero intimacy between them. She is very selfish and self cenetered.   After ten years he got tired of it,  cheated and left but went back becuz of the kids. He told her then as soon as the kids were out of the house marriage over and she completley agreed. She disliked him just as much as he did her. ( this is totally dysfunctional and stupid to me they should have gotten divorced then, hell they never shoulda wed to start but i digress) They have two children, an 18 yr old son and 20 yr old daughter. The daughter has two boys 2 years old and 6 months. While her husband is in Iraq the daughter is living with her mother who REFUSES to move on with her life. 

She cannot support herself because she's never had to. She's  never had a desire to work. She quit or got fired from every job and dropped out of school 3 times while they were married.  She took little interest in her kids activities or school and as I've said despite rarely working she did not take care of her home or family. 

Nothings changed since the divorce  She lives in a condo thats in my bf's name and she is supposed to pay a portion thru the divorce deal. She rarely does.  His support technically ends next week but she can't afford to pay for her condo. She wont keep a job and hasnt made any effort to save any money. He can't keep paying both his mortgage and hers (he's been doing it for almost 2 years) and he can't let his credit die by not paying.

She does a great job playing the victim and is quick to say "oh you would put your childrens mother on the street?" and that she never thought it would come to an end. She thought he would take care of her forever even tho they both said as soon as the kids were grown they would divorce. 

Now she is just constant drama. Always leaving him nasty voicemails and text messges, I had to block her from my facebook page because she was so outta control. She's spread so many lies about me and her and her sisters have called me every name in the book. But, my bf and I still try to be the "adults" in the situation, rise above the drama and be good role models for the kids.  

He and I were supposed to take my daughter (16) and his kids and grandkids for our first overnight outing yesterday. I got us a presidential suite at a waterpark and everything was set. Somehow she found out and acted a fool. She walked around the house inconsolable, laying in bed crying etc. She did everything she could to make her kids feel guilty about going with us. Of course they backed out. Who wants to hurt their mothers feelings and watch her continuously cry? 

Why must women manipulate their children this way?? It doesn't matter how pissed or hurt you are, using kids this way is dispicable.    It's very unfair to him. What he did, staying with her all those years for the kids, many men wouldn't. He didn't  leave her out to dry. He set her up with a nice place to live and he took custody of their son for his last few years of high school.  

My daughters father and I never married and thank GOD we are great friends and get along wonderfully. Why can't people live and let live?

My prayer is one day she will get a life, and spend more time trying to figure out how to get her shit together and less time worrying about what he and I are doing. I hope their kids will see the light and realize she is using them and playing on their sympathies because I am not going anywhere and neither is he. And even if one of us did, he isnt going back to her so she needs to move on and let her kids enjoy their life with their father and whoever he decides to love.